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Original poster

Help! Can somebody give an opinion on my Guardian Solulmates profile?

195 replies

Goingincircles1 · 08/02/2015 13:29

I joined last week. Sent 5 messages since then and no replies, got 3 messages from awful men Sad ok maybe not awful but mildly sexist and not attractive at all. Also have been liked by 3 similar people.

I'm clearly doing something wrong so could somebody help me out and tell me what it might be?

Feeling mildly panicked!

OP posts:
SelfLoathing · 08/02/2015 20:26

Self You are throwing around an awful lot of crap based purely on your own opinion.

ROFL.

And ... drum roll.... welcome to THE INTERNET.

milkpudding · 08/02/2015 20:27

I will ask DH's opinion, he used to do online dating, and he wrote a 'successful' profile which got lots of responses, after his initial one wasn't that successful.

As a start, he said do say you want children, he wouldn't have been put off by this when he did OLD in his mid 20s.

But he says he would find seeking both men and women confusing.

He also said pics of you doing things, so men are looking at your lifestyle and imagining themselves with you. Travel photos are good. Also he says a photo of you with animals makes you look caring.... I'm not sure about that one!

MrsTawdry · 08/02/2015 20:28

Aeon right. You're obviously still wanting to make your "argument" heard on a thread which you've managed to derail...so I am going to ignore you and let the OP talk about her needs here from now on.

aeon456 · 08/02/2015 20:30

Good idea to stop picking on me for merely expressing an opinion :)

aeon456 · 08/02/2015 20:32

I went on a date with a man who asked if I wanted children and I told him no then he sent me a message after the date saying there was no point continuing seeing me as he wanted children, which was fair enough.

SelfLoathing · 08/02/2015 20:32

still wanting to make your "argument" heard on a thread which you've managed to derail

Oh come on... who was it who was correcting Aeon's" grammar in a very smug way?!?! MrsT* if that isn't derailing I don't know what is!

aeon456 · 08/02/2015 20:33

I'd leave it now SL - I think we've reached an agreement to continue with focusing on the OP's issue.

Cinnamon84 · 08/02/2015 20:34

Hi op,

Didn't want to read and run. Personally I like your photo, it shows part of your personality. If men on gsm want someone with brushed hair smiling at the camera maybe Internet dating isnt for you! x

SelfLoathing · 08/02/2015 20:35

OP - regarding your profile if you are interested in certain things - (Samuel Beckett I infer from your user name) one suggestion is to include an oblique passing reference or jokey allusion to something that means something to you (a favourite book or film) that a person on the same wavelength will get.

It's a quick weeding tool and also means that someone responding has an easy opener. "I love Citizen Kane too!" or whatever your reference is too.

SelfLoathing · 08/02/2015 20:36
  • is to.
Original poster
Goingincircles1 · 08/02/2015 20:37

I have yet to do much travelling, sadly! So have no shots of myself against a stunning backdrop somewhere exotic. I do want to travel when I have the opportunity.

In what way am I creative? I write bits of theatre, mainly. Creative also when it comes to problem solving, for example in a career context, or when friends might ask me for advice. I'm good with coming up with new ideas.

OP posts:
MrsTawdry · 08/02/2015 20:37

Self and why shouldn't I when she was suggesting people arguing with her were less than intelligent? Hmm

MrsTawdry · 08/02/2015 20:38

this hostile attitude off less intelligent people is what they've got to look forward to from people when they get older folks! is what she said. So yes...I did make a comment about her grammar in response. Shoot me.

Original poster
Goingincircles1 · 08/02/2015 20:39

SelfLoathing, I get what you mean but am definitely not making a reference to my rosebud in my online profile Wink Grin

OP posts:
MrsTawdry · 08/02/2015 20:39

Circles I would definitely put that theatre is an interest...it's so specific and it would be nice to meet like minded people.

Faithless · 08/02/2015 20:39

Oh wow I had the same experience on soulmates, the men all wanted women 10 years younger. I was disappointed as I thought it would be the site for me as I'm a bit of a lefty liberal type Smile. I left and went on pof, had a few dates that were fun but not long term relationship material. Then I gave up, thinking that I was happy single, lots of friends and would have my cats to look after me when the kids left. BUT I still fancied having a shag now and again and joined tinder .... Met the love of my life on the first tinder date. 16 months on we practically live together.
My advice is, try to grow a think skin and not take it all too seriously. Try to have fun, you never know who's lurking in the most unlikely places! Good luck

SelfLoathing · 08/02/2015 20:45

Self and why shouldn't I when she was suggesting people arguing with her were less than intelligent?

That's fine if you want to Mrs Tawdry. It's a free country internet. My point was that to then accuse Aeon of derailing when your post was solely and purely an attack on her grammar was a tinsy winsy little bit hypocritical.

A more pedantic person might have also pointed out that correct grammar is a sign of education rather than intelligence and that intelligence and education are not the same. Confusing the two may also be said itself to be an indicator of a lack of intelligence.

[This is my last post on the derailment issue to avoid further derailment]

De-rail-a-mungo

OP - writing theatre is awesome, unusual and very interesting. Have you had anything performed? That would be a very eye catching feature.

SelfLoathing · 08/02/2015 20:48

am definitely not making a reference to my rosebud in my online profile

Grin Grin Grin

Well you never know... if you are looking for men or women.... Wink

But yeah you get my point, substitute some kind of amusing reference to something that is your favourite film/play/book etc.

milkpudding · 08/02/2015 20:48

DH says your profile wording is very serious and too earnest. He recommends hinting about your personality rather than saying things outright.

Ha ha, I read him your version SelfLoathing, he LOVED the 'Bogart to my Bacall', but by the end he said 'I bet that was written by a woman too'.

Waiting for his pearls of wisdom....

Cantbelievethisishappening · 08/02/2015 20:49

and that intelligence and education are not the same.

Oh the irony of you posting this comment self. Perhaps time to take your own dating advice

Romeyroo · 08/02/2015 20:51

I have never done OLD so not sure if my comments will help. I think you sound somehow both a bit on the intense side and somehow nondescript. Nothing wrong with these being your interests, but can you lighten up your presentation of them? It sounds kind of smothering - like you will want to know my story and if we get to be friends or closer, I will mean the world to you etc. What about your story? Why might you mean the world to your friends?

Similarly, your body type is described as average - is this an actual drop down choice or did you put it? This adds to the nondescript vibe.
What is the take home message of your profile?

Original poster
Goingincircles1 · 08/02/2015 20:51

Nope, none performed yet (but it will be someday!) so that's why I don't want to talk it up. I write (a lot) and have got paid well for it in the past but I would never dream of describing myself as 'a writer' in an introduction to who I am.

OP posts:
SelfLoathing · 08/02/2015 20:52

I read him your version SelfLoathing, he LOVED the 'Bogart to my Bacall',

Hi fives milkpudding

but by the end he said 'I bet that was written by a woman too'.

Yep but OP is a woman!

aeon456 · 08/02/2015 20:53

Derailing the thread!

Original poster
Goingincircles1 · 08/02/2015 20:57

From what I remember, average was what suited my body type best from the drop down list. I'm not athletic, and I can't remember what the next one up after average was

I think, however, being described as both nondescript and smothering has got to be the best insult I have ever received Grin

OP posts: