Don't know how much longer I can carry on like this.

[messyoldmess]

I made the tough decision to end my marriage around 5 months ago.
My H had temper & control issues & I tried everything I could to make things better, but nothing worked & I finally accepted that we needed to go our seperate ways.
H seemed to go along with it all at the time & told me he was moving in with a friend in a couple of weeks. It never happened, as H came up with lots of silly excuses as to why it was not sensible. He said he would not leave until our house sold.
We are now nearly 5 months down the line & I feel we are in limbo land. Nothing seems to have moved on & he is still getting to me.
Our house has not sold & I am starting to go out of my mind.
I have had a few people suggest I look into renting somewhere, but I don't know if that would affect my position re the house & divorce etc.
I can't carry on like this for much longer.

This was the soonest they could fit me in, as he is busy in court etc over the next few weeks.

def see cab monday to see what help they can give you in interim, take any necessary paperwork with you, it might help you feel more positive that you doing something about your situation instead of just having to wait for the solicitor. i really don't want to sound harsh, i am tired tonight - not very well and everything coming out wrong

You are not sounding harsh at all, fransmom. Thank you for your support.

Will take a walk to CAB on Monday. I have a week off work so will be able to get there early.

no problem at all, glad i could be of some help.

sounds like that week off came at the right time.
if you would like to cat me on monday, you're quite welcome to, i am at work mon-thurs but will try and ansa asap.x

Thanks, fransmom, I may well do that.x

it is best to get there early to drop -ins. it can be awful waiting when you need help, even if every1 there in similar waters if not boats.

i get obscure too when i'm tired sorry!

i don't want to go but i shall have to otherwise i might post soemthing totally irrelevant in sleep mode! nite babe and sleep well.i shall send you big hug before i fall asleep (((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))

I get what you are saying, fransmom! I have had a couple of glasses of wine tonight so am probably talking lots of nonsence!

Thanks. Night.x

hi quick hello, have to get washing in-it's raining again. will post more later x

messeyoldmess, you are being incredibly strong.
But your h is still controlling your life by acting the way he is and I agree with others you need to take some decisive action and, as it is what you ultimately want, forge ahead with the divorce (I know easier said than done).

I feel furious on your behalf at the way your parents have sided with h.

{{{{{hugs}}}}

Hi fransmom & winnie.
I know I have to press ahead. I made the appointment last week to go back to my solicitor, but they couldn't fit me in until the 30th October.
H is round my parents again with the boys today.
He had me in tears again last night (although I didn't cry in front of him) & he shouldn't still be getting to me like this.
I may ask the solicitor where I stand re renting while the house sells, because I am going out of my mind atm.

Can I just point out that, if you have a solicitor acting for you, it is unlikely that CAB will be able to help. CAB advisors are not legally trained and are reluctant to advise when a client already has a solicitor acting.

If you can't get in to see your solicitor until 30th, could you email and ask for some urgent advice re getting h out or moving into rented accommodation yourself?

He is working his way through 'ways to be as cruel as possible' isn't he? It must be like breathing poison.
Staying at your parents house, if possible, sounds like a good opportunity to at least get a little breather.
Can you e mail me, messy - am on clunky home e mail system and can't locate your address.

I will try & get hold of my solicitor on Monday, either via e-mail or telephone.

Blu, I will mail you.

hi messy sorry i didn't post earlier. how was your evening? fm x

Oh MOM -

This has been going on for so long now. Your parents are shocking.

you are being incredibly strong - not much longer now. Look forward to the fact that once the separation is complete - you will be calling the shots, and be in control. That will hurt him more than anything. Your parents - they'll come around - if they dont - then thats tough on them. You are moving on they have a choice to move on with you - or not....

Don't think you should move out until you have spoken to a solicitor.

There is no way I would move out without first speaking to a solicitor.

VVVQV, Thanks for your reassurance.

Got your e mail...will reply in the morning, as I am about to fall asleep over the keyboard.

Hold tight.

Sorry for such a deep e mail, Blu.

Messy

I'm so sorry H seems to be going out of his way to make you feel miserable. The others are right - H having a solicitor doesn't mean yours can't go ahead and file the petition. May be that would push him into getting a solicitor anyway? If not, at least the divorce process will have begun.

Have you kept a log of all these incidents? It might be a good idea to have a record of what he's said/ done/ hasn't done. (My lawyer advised me to do that)

FWIW, I e-mailed my local branch of Gingerbread and they sounded like they might be quite helpful if I were able to call them or meet with them in person. They should be able to help you out or at least point you in the direction of someone else who can if they are unable to.

{Hugs}

I have started to keep a record of H's behaviour, mamama, as someone on here advised me to do this a while back.
He seems to go in waves. He can be ok for a while & then he suddenly turns horrible again.
I didn't see much of him yesterday, as he was round my parents in the day & then he went out drinking with his friends. He didn't get in until the early hours.
I hadn't thought of contacting gingerbread.