Don't know how much longer I can carry on like this.

[messyoldmess]

I made the tough decision to end my marriage around 5 months ago.
My H had temper & control issues & I tried everything I could to make things better, but nothing worked & I finally accepted that we needed to go our seperate ways.
H seemed to go along with it all at the time & told me he was moving in with a friend in a couple of weeks. It never happened, as H came up with lots of silly excuses as to why it was not sensible. He said he would not leave until our house sold.
We are now nearly 5 months down the line & I feel we are in limbo land. Nothing seems to have moved on & he is still getting to me.
Our house has not sold & I am starting to go out of my mind.
I have had a few people suggest I look into renting somewhere, but I don't know if that would affect my position re the house & divorce etc.
I can't carry on like this for much longer.

is this woman really your mother? i am sorry for sounding harsh but ffs.

as for you causing worry and upset tot hte people around you - what about flipping that to say "... the worry and upset they are causing you by being so horrid........"

fwiw niether my mo or my dad are aound anymore (for different reasons) and although it is hard, i do more than cope, and you are a much stronger person than they give you credit for.it's a pity you not in weston, i would look after them for you i off work on fridays too.

Fransmom is right, the only people you need to worry about are your boys and yourself. Don't give yourself a hard time just because your parents are making this worse for you. That's not your fault. You are doing the best thing for your little family. Really...

Nights are the worst time, I know - when DC is in bed & all is quite, you get to thinking and that isn't always a good thing. Give yourself a break, MOM, try to get some sleep {hug}

Things here are cr*p to be honest. My divorce papers got filed by accident I feel like this is all beyond my control & I'm not liking it. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, a really big family day. I've spent most of today holding back the tears. I HATE this time of year

Thinking of you today, mamama - big events are always hard at times like this. I hope you are ok

I slept a little better last night, but think I was so over exhausted that I pretty much passed out!

He's been at the pub with friends all day again. It seems to be his way of dealing with things, but it kind of annoys me a bit.

Thanks, NJ.
I just can't imagine feeling happy again atm. This is the most stressful thing I have ever experienced.

I'm sorry - I am a bit pathetic atm. It will pass!

Ahhh, thanks dinosaur.

I don't mind being a good stick, dino - at least I am a good one & not a bad one!

I am afraid I have replied to your e mail, so you will have more of my waffle tomorrow...sorry!

I have had a drink tonight too - might aid my sleep!

Night.x

Your mother is as mad as a bloody mad thing! How idiotic - 'who will look after you?' Who looks after you NOW? NO-ONE. Not her, not H, so what the f is she talking about?

OK, he's been there to...I don't know, earn some money and take the boys to school - but he hasn't helped you cope with anything. Everything you have found hard to cope with has either been caused by him or exacerbated by him. And then with your mother and father chucking in some more shit on top to cope with. She is mad, mad, mad. Not quite fair - I know she has been taking care of some childcare..but they are her grandcchildren, and if she has any heart at all she will continue to care for them?

I honestly don't know what your parents think you will lose in terms of support once you get rid of this man! And he may well pay the mortgage, but ther's planty he makes you pay for in a completely unreasonable way!

Of course you can cope - look what you HAVE been coping with.

Up and at 'em, MoM!

Urrrghhhh! I get so wild with H and your Mum and Dad!

It doesn't show, does it?

[hmm}

Doesn't show at all, Blu!!

MOM - I've been lurking on your threads so far. I've had similar levels and techniques of parental pressure in the opposite direction (trying to get me to leave dh). My parents' arguments were also often based on their ideas of my incompetence - it was too big a decision for me to make to stay with him (I was 23), I would be excluding myself from the family if I didn't leave him, nobody would look after me if not my 'real family' ... My advice for you out of my experiences: hold on to the fact that you are doing the right thing, that you are the sane one in all of this, strong enough to break patterns your parents are doing their level best to pass down a generation. Don't worry about the 'upset' this is causing others. That 'upset' is largely them stuffing their fingers in their ears and howling in protest at the sound of those patterns breaking.
You are doing well - so very very well.

Thanks, FIT. I know I am doing the right thing here. He has been really horrible this morning.

We have viewers coming round later & H was dropping the boys round to my parents house, so they were out of the way & was then going onto the pub.

He asked the boys to tidy their playroom (it wasn't that untidy to start with), but being children, they started to play in there.
He went mad & told them he would go without them if it wasn't tidied very quickly.
They scurried around tidying their toys & told me when they were finished. I thought they had done a pretty good job (the boys are 7 & 3) & told them to get their shoes on.
H walked in, saw a few little toys on the floor at the side of their market stall & said "That's it...I am off without them & you are going to have to take them round later!"
I started to pick up the remaining few toys & he got angry with me for helping.
He stormed out of the gate & I told the boys to quickly get their shoes on, thinking there was no way he would really go without them.
As I led the boys out of the back gate, they saw him driving off & both boys started screaming & crying.
I was fuming & very upset for the boys, so got straight on the phone to my mum, letting her hear her grandchildren wailing in the background, & told her exactually what her wonderful son in law had done & asked if she could come & get them.
She was going to pick them up, but H turned up at the front door while I was on the phone, glaring at me because I was talking about him on the phone.
He demanded the boys pick up the last couple of silly bits from the corner of the playroom & eventually took them to my parents. He was in a horrible mood & I am just so angry & upset for the way he was with the boys.

I'm so sorry to hear what he put you and your boys through. I'm just thinking of all the things I'd love to do to that tosser to make him pay for what he's put (and still putting) you and your lovely boys through.

I was furious, kando. It broke my heart to see both my boys cry like that.
I thought it might even shock my mum, but it didn't. She said he was probably only trying to shock us a bit.

mom i am so sorry that your parents aren't as supportive as they should be. how are things today? x

I've felt pretty down today tbh. Think what happened this morning stayed with me for most of the day, much as the boys seemed to get over it pretty quickly.
H knows I was furious about what happened this morning.

Got my HV coming round on Wednesday.

gosh MOM, your H is a twat of monumental proportions. And as for your mother...

Stay strong.