Don't know how much longer I can carry on like this.

[messyoldmess]

I made the tough decision to end my marriage around 5 months ago.
My H had temper & control issues & I tried everything I could to make things better, but nothing worked & I finally accepted that we needed to go our seperate ways.
H seemed to go along with it all at the time & told me he was moving in with a friend in a couple of weeks. It never happened, as H came up with lots of silly excuses as to why it was not sensible. He said he would not leave until our house sold.
We are now nearly 5 months down the line & I feel we are in limbo land. Nothing seems to have moved on & he is still getting to me.
Our house has not sold & I am starting to go out of my mind.
I have had a few people suggest I look into renting somewhere, but I don't know if that would affect my position re the house & divorce etc.
I can't carry on like this for much longer.

OK! I do feel for you - I know from experience how hard it is to be caught in that limbo stage. Don't be afraid to ask friends for help. This is the worst bit. Keep moving towards the light at the end of the tunnel

My head feels all over the place with everything.

Thanks, ninah. Sorry to hear you have been in a similar position.

and sorry but staying 'for the sake of the children' is an exercise in martrydom that benefits no one. I think parents are scared of change on your behalf - but it is YOUR life, and your responsibility to live it to the full. You sound to me quite capable of taking care of yourself. Do what is right for you.

Yes, well your mothers idea of what is 'good for the children' isn't always what many of us would want for our kids, is it? It seems to consist of 'let the man of the house bully everyone else into submission, rip the kids self-esteem to shreds and treat your wife as a chattel', and isn't very good for the children at all.

So sorry, MoM, you are under attack from every side. She should be on your side. You know she always has this effect. Water off a Ducks back.......

Thanks. I know you're right - it's just my parents are good at making me feel awful & I feel guilt every day regarding the boys. Mum saying what she said got to me & I was very tearful.

She did get to me though & she knows it too.
I could hear my dad in the background. They are good at making me feel awful.

MoM, sweetheart, that man has been absolutely brutal to you...could be talking about your dad, but I'm talking about the father of your children. I know that you are doing the best thing for the children, you always will - and the fact that you have endured this horrible process without caving in is a testament to how much you are doing to escape the trap that your mother has lived in.

She daren't see things any other way. The picture she saw might be much too scary for her. You are the one who is making a difference. Be proud.

I know it isn't easy - it's hell for you at the moment. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't feel proud at what you have done for yourself, your future and your boys future. Your Mum should be telling you this, she doesn't, but countless MN-ers who read your threads can se it so clearly.

You deserve support, sympathy and encouragement - not other peopole's fear and bitterness.

XXXXXXXXX

I don't know our situations were all that similar mom - my ex was a clearcut b++stard - but yes we were under same roof for a while and it was hell. I was divorced previously and my parents were pretty fed up with that and did everything to encourage me to persevere with relationship partic cos of children. I also had LOADS of guilt about becoming lone mum etc ... however in a way I was lucky that it was so black and while even my parents could see that despite their wanting stable family etc we really needed to split .. My parents are both dead now but the last time he saw us together my father admitted he could see no point in me staying ... however the point of this rambling post is that despite my fears my children have flourished beyond my wildest dreams once removed from the awful atmosphere of tension and keeping up appearances. They really have. We are too broke for pony lessons etc but we are discovering what family really means for the first time.

That's nice to hear, ninah. I am pleased you seem happy now.

Blu - thanks.x

Hi MOM, hope the weekend has been ok for you

Get that list sent to your solicitor then you will become 'Ex Mrs MOM' sooner rather thatn later

I wish I could offer some practical help messy, childcare for friday or something, but I'm too far away. I'm feeling very towards you parents. I'm shocked at how unsupportive they are continuing to be

Hope the buyer comes back with a better offer.

MIL can't help out on Friday afternoon, because she goes dancing or something. It is not looking hopeful atm.
I have 1 friend who may be able to help, as she only works mornings. I will ask her tomorrow when I see her.
I have built up to this horrible mediation now & really want to get it out of the way.

hi mom you still there? haven't posted for a while sorry. you are doing sterling work with your little family ( not sure where that word came from!) and they will be all the better for it once this horrible mess is over and sorted. i too can't believe what your mom said maybe, like someone said, it is because she can't get out her own trap and is trying to get comfy in keeping you in yours but that won't do either of you any good. pity you don't live in sw they could come here. (my gc (when i have them but dd has to grow up quite a lot first!)would come waaaaaaaaaaaaay before dancing) x

That's really lovely of you to offer to help, NurseryJo. I really wouldn't expect for you to put yourself out & take on extra children, but it's a lovely offer.

I think I will have to cancel & make it for another time, as this Friday is proving a bit of a nightmare.

I have had a bad couple of days & am having terrible trouble sleeping. I am finding it hard to process things in my head atm & my stomach is quite bad again.
If I don't pull myself together a bit, I may have to start on the tablets my gp prescribed.

Have cancelled Fridays appoitment & made another one for Friday 8th December (H is working late next week), which will be the day after my solicitor appt.
I asked my friend if she could have the boys, but her girls have swimming lessons after school on Friday.

messyoldmess, have just caught up (keep missing your thread as the board moves so quick). I am sorry that things are so incredibly difficult. Please don't be too hard on yourself if you do need to take your medication. It has been prescribed for a reason~ you need it! I hope things start to improve soon, {{{{hugs}}}} winniex

Hi winnie, how are you?

I was trying to hold off taking the tablets, but I may have to give them a go, even if it's just to help me sleep! Everything seems much worse at night.

Have had a bad couple of days. It's all really getting me down atm.

Messy, if you think the meds might help, there's nothing wrong with taking them. It sounds as if you really need a good night's sleep - they might help. Things tend not to seem quite so awful when you have slept properly.

SOrry you've had a bad few days {{Hugs}}

I have had to cancel the appointment on the 8th now, because H has changed his Fri shift from a night shift to a late one & cannot make it.
I told him that he could sort another appt, but he was having none of it, so I have arranged for another appt on the 15th Dec, which H assures me he will be around for.
This is the same day that we break up for Christmas.

What a mess, messy. AT least you still have an appointment booked - I hope it works out this time...

A messy old mess, just like me!
I hate mediation, but know it's got to be done & just wanted this session over & done with.

Anyway, how are things with you, mamama?
Are you feeling any better?

hi mom, at least you are making the effort to go to mediation even tho you not sure it will work, the court may not look too kindly on the fact that he keeps "chopping and changing"., please notify your sol of efforts to get him there and his lack of enthusiasm. hope things have gone better for you today x

I know we have got to try with the mediation, FM, even though I am dubious as to whether it will achieve anything.
Mum phoned earlier & asked if I managed to get anyone to take care of the boys on Friday. I told her I had to cancel & she said "Well I wouldn't bother with it if I were you"
I told her that we needed to do this & she said "Well I wouldn't like it"
She has told me I won't cope & who will be there to take care of me when her & dad aren't around etc.
I have told her I will be ok, but she tells me I won't.

I just don't know what my head is thinking atm, if that makes any sense.
It is a mixture of feeling sad, angry, frightened & sorry for all the upset this is causing to those around me.
It all goes round & round in my head when I lay in bed alone at night & this is why I am not sleeping well.

It's harder & more horrible than I could ever have imagined.