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Original poster

Husband Caught in Au Pair's Room

321 replies

random1 · 01/02/2015 11:01

Hi all. This is my first posting. I'm worried and not sure what to think. My husband and I have been together for 19 years. We almost broke up 5 years ago after our marriage got so bad that we both turned to other people outside our marriage, something we both regret but also something that made us communicate better and appreciate each other more. It's still tough at times but our relationship overall is so much better than ever before. (Other than a bit more arguing, but mainly over the past snd jealousy ). We have 4 children and have had 5 au pairs over the past 4 years. And I've trusted him with them every time. But yesterday, I was shattered after work. We have a fantastic sex life and feel very lucky. I have never said no to him. But yesterday, I just wanted to sleep, so turned him down. I didn't mention he drinks a lot of wine. And he fid this whilst I was sleeping. I woke when he left our bedroom and caught him rummaging in our au pair's bag snd hoing through her dirty laundry basket and having a really big sniff of her knickers. I confronted him and he denied it at first even though he knew I had seen him. Now he keeps apologising but says I don't make him happy sexually anymore. Yet says he doesn't fancy the au pair and he doesn't kjow why he did it. I thought we were happy. I feel numb. The au pair doesn't know as far as I know. I can't look her in the face. She is fantastic with the children. But I don't know if this is the start of more problems. I have told him no more wine in the house ever. But, I don't have the energy to fight for our marriage anymore.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
11
Joysmum · 01/02/2015 16:04

I think most men do this sort of thing so even if she LTB and got another one , he'd possibly be at it too in no time

So sad that you have such a low opinion of men. I hope you don't have sons Sad

LimeFizz · 01/02/2015 16:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MyRightFoot · 01/02/2015 16:15

the knicker sniff technique is to place pants on head with gusset pressed against nose, leaving hands free to tommy tank, i've been told. joysmum teenage boys r the most prolific. The Inbetweeners is based on the writers' experiences and is a huge eye opener for male sexuality.

ArsenicFaceCream · 01/02/2015 16:19

The Inbetweeners is based on the writers' experiences and is a huge eye opener for male sexuality

You are joking? It wasn't a survey.

RandomNPC · 01/02/2015 16:22

What a deplorable practice

Husband Caught in Au Pair's Room
holeinmyheart · 01/02/2015 16:23

Well joysmum my DH can live with anybodys disgust at him. He wouldn't give a fig. Nope I don't think he did have a problem with the invasion of privacy because the Au-Pair wasn't wearing them at the time and doesn't know about what happened, as yet. She may not bat an eyelid, we have to wait and see. His opinion was that the whole thing was between the post and her DH. Why distress the Au-Pair ?

Mmmm a nasty and cutting comment from you ' UsualSuspects ' very sarcastic. Any one who knew me and had to ask if I had any opinions to express, would laugh their socks off. I am like the doyenne of ideas and opinions. Isn't Sarcasm an element of bullying?

However, I thought it would be interesting to ask for a male perspective because of the knicker sniffing. It seemed something that men have a desire to do, rather than women.

My DH is a highly intelligent professional, very English, extremely decent family orientated and proper etc, so I was not sure what to expect when I asked his opinion.
However his opinion is worthy of respect surely, rather than being denegrated.

MyRightFoot · 01/02/2015 16:28

no it wasnt a survey, it was based on the writers and their friends. i think theres some folk on here who have led sheltered lives. i have spent my adult life fasinated by sex and have dared to ask questions. some people are happy to talk, men more. i work in an industry that deals in sexuality (not a hooker) and i dont need to produce a survey to know that male sexuality tends to be far more extreme than female.

JaceyBee · 01/02/2015 16:30

What? It was relevant! I've seen way dirtier stuff on here!

Vivacia · 01/02/2015 16:32

However, I thought it would be interesting to ask for a male perspective because of the knicker sniffing. It seemed something that men have a desire to do, rather than women.

It doesn't make it any more interesting or significant than a woman's perspective, especially as he's not even bothered to sign up, read the thread and type his response out.

ShiaLeBeoufsBathTowel · 01/02/2015 16:35

holeinmyheart - my husband agrees with your husband :)

I personally am unsure what the OP should do. It seems peculiar that one can afford an au pair, and yet be in danger of needing to live in one's car. Also strange that at least two of the kids are college-aged. If money is that tight, why are they not helping out? How old are the younger ones?

I am tempted to - ahem - 'drawer' the conclusion that this could be trolling for masturbatory fodder.

ArsenicFaceCream · 01/02/2015 16:35

no it wasnt a survey, it was based on the writers and their friends. i think theres some folk on here who have led sheltered lives. i have spent my adult life fasinated by sex and have dared to ask questions. some people are happy to talk, men more. i work in an industry that deals in sexuality (not a hooker) and i dont need to produce a survey to know that male sexuality tends to be far more extreme than female.

The sweeping generalisations on this thread (including your own RightFoot;

Fifty percent of me...

the knicker sniff technique is to place pants on head with gusset pressed against nose

I think most men do this sort of thing so even if she LTB and got another one , he'd possibly be at it too in no time

are more than a bit silly.

ArsenicFaceCream · 01/02/2015 16:36

Fifty percent of men.....

MyRightFoot · 01/02/2015 16:39

i think holes dh opinion was valid. what came thru was his lack of shock. i dont agree with his dismissal of au pairs privacy destroyed but i suspect a lot of men would react similarly.

ArsenicFaceCream · 01/02/2015 16:40

(The idea that there is ONE sniffing technique and you -connoisseur of all things sexual - know what it is because you saw it on The Inbetweeners is especially... )

Vivacia · 01/02/2015 16:40

I don't think it was any more valid or significant from, you know, the people actually here discussing this ridiculous thread

ArsenicFaceCream · 01/02/2015 16:43

I am tempted to - ahem - 'drawer' the conclusion that this could be trolling for masturbatory fodder.

Yes Shia. That's why I Hmmed Jaycee

Probably best to abandon the thread to the Inbetweeners fans Smile

RandomNPC · 01/02/2015 16:44

No men of my acquaintance do this sort of thing

usualsuspect333 · 01/02/2015 16:46

You get deleted for troll hunting...

Well I do.

MyRightFoot · 01/02/2015 16:47

arsenic they are sweeping generalisations based on my experience. that doesnt make my view correct and no my view is not based on a survey. you are free to do your own research on the subject if it interests you. and for the record surveys are not necessarily accurate as they rely on people being honest and who can guarantee that?

ArsenicFaceCream · 01/02/2015 16:50

Well you know what HQ say usual - "don't give more than you can afford". Perhaps Jaycee can't 'afford to give' her persona anecdotes, as it were? Hmm

And I'm with Random. Men might admit to all sorts of kinky-fuckery, but this nonsense is like admitting to flashing. Sad. Deeply sad. Pathological territory. Nobody I know would ever fess up to it.

LimeFizz · 01/02/2015 16:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ArsenicFaceCream · 01/02/2015 16:52

Fair enough RightFoot. I look forward to your memoir (blog?) of your sophisticated sexual explorations based on your collection of teen movies.

usualsuspect333 · 01/02/2015 16:56

Some posters just love to be wank fodder, I reckon.

Why else would you post about someone wanking over your dirty knickers.

ArsenicFaceCream · 01/02/2015 16:58

Valid question.

Armpitt · 01/02/2015 17:01

that dirty knickers to come on is VILE

TMI