Husband Caught in Au Pair's Room

[random1]

Hi all. This is my first posting. I'm worried and not sure what to think. My husband and I have been together for 19 years. We almost broke up 5 years ago after our marriage got so bad that we both turned to other people outside our marriage, something we both regret but also something that made us communicate better and appreciate each other more. It's still tough at times but our relationship overall is so much better than ever before. (Other than a bit more arguing, but mainly over the past snd jealousy ). We have 4 children and have had 5 au pairs over the past 4 years. And I've trusted him with them every time. But yesterday, I was shattered after work. We have a fantastic sex life and feel very lucky. I have never said no to him. But yesterday, I just wanted to sleep, so turned him down. I didn't mention he drinks a lot of wine. And he fid this whilst I was sleeping. I woke when he left our bedroom and caught him rummaging in our au pair's bag snd hoing through her dirty laundry basket and having a really big sniff of her knickers. I confronted him and he denied it at first even though he knew I had seen him. Now he keeps apologising but says I don't make him happy sexually anymore. Yet says he doesn't fancy the au pair and he doesn't kjow why he did it. I thought we were happy. I feel numb. The au pair doesn't know as far as I know. I can't look her in the face. She is fantastic with the children. But I don't know if this is the start of more problems. I have told him no more wine in the house ever. But, I don't have the energy to fight for our marriage anymore.

vivienne that's a very cynical view. I'm guessing it's based on personal experience. Sorry if that's the case

Many women have affairs too. It's not just men. I don't deny that men seem to have a stronger desire for sex and are more sexually motivated but that doesn't mean they ALL have no self control.

my Brother used my knickers when he was a teen.

Dyou know who does love used knickers?

Dogs. You haven't lived til you've had a polite guest over, only for the dog to sneak in with a pair of dirty pants it's grabbed from god knows where, and settle down on the carpet for a good old chew.

You've just got to pray you notice before your nice guest does.

'All this??' Er, because it was relevant to the thread? Because I thought this was quite an open-minded place? Because we're all adults and sometimes people share this type of thing? Report it if it offends you so much

My cat used to go all ecstatic over the armpits of my husband's shirts. Better than catnip.

There are men on here defending themselves acting all indignant "It wasn't me guv" well why do they care what a load of randoms on the internet think. Lying to themselves no doubt they are secret pant sniffers or would like to be, you honestly would not believe the number of people we caught at it in the charity shop, disgusting.

I think sniffing your lover's knickers is one thing. Sniffing the au pairs or a random strangers is a different kettle of fish altogether. But obviously me and my man are just nasty

you honestly would not believe the number of people we caught at it in the charity shop, disgusting.

Really? You should tell us about that.

There's no need for sarcasm, it was a horrible thing to have to deal with when we were there trying to help a good cause

i just spat my coffee out!

"My cat used to go all ecstatic over the armpits of my husband's shirts"

Oh yeah mine does this. More about mine than DH's actually. I've got one shirt that's developed that weird thing where it just reeks after about half a day's wear, I can't even wear it out of the house anymore, but if she's looking a bit down in the dumps I get it out and let her go at it for a while.

Which is, I'd like to make clear, not a strategy I'd recommend for the OP and her husband.

There are men on here defending themselves acting all indignant "It wasn't me guv" well why do they care what a load of randoms on the internet think. Lying to themselves no doubt they are secret pant sniffers or would like to be

You sound more rational by the minute.

You know it's easy to minimise something when it's not taking place under your nose every day.
For those of us in the shop who have experienced men coming all day, indulging in weird stuff, it taints your view of men, or maybe 'educates' you a bit about the world.

Someone had some research earlier up the thread anyway that said 50% of men did this.

Ha ha!

No, they just said 50%.

I'm sorry you had such a revolting experience, but clearly there was something abouth the layout and/or location of that shop....

I'm confused about the charity shop. Surely you don't sell used unclean underwear in the shop?

No Quiero they were receiving donations of dirty underwear. Before being thrown out these were tipped out on to a table, readily accessible to interested customers visiting the shop.

i do hope this doesn't put people off donating old clothes to charity.

There seems to be two specific posters that are rather embarrassingly extrapolating their own rather skewed exposure to certain self-selecting portions of the male population to the entire male population.

Time to go back to school and learn about correlation and causation, methinks...

If you're donating unwashed pants to charity you probably should consider that someone might not be happy about it, in one way or another.

PMSL at " a different kettle of fish altogether!"

Arse, you are 100% right - I think the fact that it was only a few doors down from a pub with live performances were part of the entertainment (don't get me started on that) - presumably once the men were out of 50p's they'd pop in to get their jollies for free. The layout of the shop didn't help; the bottom of the shop was quite big, the men would come in the front, go up the bottom, have a sniff, then sneak out.
Once that pub got boarded up, we had a lot less men coming.

This has turned in to the funniest thread.