Husband Caught in Au Pair's Room

[random1]

Hi all. This is my first posting. I'm worried and not sure what to think. My husband and I have been together for 19 years. We almost broke up 5 years ago after our marriage got so bad that we both turned to other people outside our marriage, something we both regret but also something that made us communicate better and appreciate each other more. It's still tough at times but our relationship overall is so much better than ever before. (Other than a bit more arguing, but mainly over the past snd jealousy ). We have 4 children and have had 5 au pairs over the past 4 years. And I've trusted him with them every time. But yesterday, I was shattered after work. We have a fantastic sex life and feel very lucky. I have never said no to him. But yesterday, I just wanted to sleep, so turned him down. I didn't mention he drinks a lot of wine. And he fid this whilst I was sleeping. I woke when he left our bedroom and caught him rummaging in our au pair's bag snd hoing through her dirty laundry basket and having a really big sniff of her knickers. I confronted him and he denied it at first even though he knew I had seen him. Now he keeps apologising but says I don't make him happy sexually anymore. Yet says he doesn't fancy the au pair and he doesn't kjow why he did it. I thought we were happy. I feel numb. The au pair doesn't know as far as I know. I can't look her in the face. She is fantastic with the children. But I don't know if this is the start of more problems. I have told him no more wine in the house ever. But, I don't have the energy to fight for our marriage anymore.

Interesting chats re knicker sniffing. I'd say from everything else it sounds like your marriage could be over. Can you still live together in teh mean time if finances are tough.

the number of blokes that would come in and sniff

What? Presumably they realised that the clothes had been washed? Good God.

Speak with the landlord, OP. I don't see that he should have a problem with additional security given that there is a filthy pervert known security risk even in the short term.

No it was awful, they would sneak in the back and sniff the clothes that people had just donated. We didn't have security guards as were a charity. we had literally tonnes of the stuff in at any moment awaiting sorting and laundering. unfortunately much of it wasn't washed at the point of donation. We once caught a guy who worked at a local catalovue based retailer shop in full staff uniform, sitting in a pile of clothes, indulging in onerism. it wasn't helped by the fact that we had lots of undergarments dropped off. We had a policy of accepting everything as we didn't want to embarrass anyone by turning donations down. The bad stuff, dirty or knackered or unsuitable like bras etc, we put in bin liners outside at the back and that made the problem worse, it was disguisting.

vivacia, it is flawed but still, a lot of men admitted to it. these men have access to used laundry so with that reasoning, would more men sniff if they had access? i have never met one woman who has admitted to sniffing a guy's trollies, funny that.

Myrightfoot we had a couple of women who would come in too, it wasn't as extreme as the men but they were definitely up to something. I'd say most people would do this kind of thi g given a chance. I didn't give it a thought to be honest before I saw it with my own eyes. Really sad.

in addition, there is a huge market for used knickers. women r selling them online for 20 quid a pop. some of them r blood and poo stained and therefore more expensive. there r some weirdos out there.

friendlyapple, so women are at it too? lol. every one of my partners has done it to mine, i find it funny. i think if u asked most men they would say theyve done it when their gf/wife is out of the house. i'm quite surprised at the level of surprise on here.

Sadly that doesn't supprise me after what we saw day-to-day. You've got to feel sorry for the poor postman reallY especially if they're PSK.

The title of this thread was to hard too resist, I just wish I had not been eating my lunch.

Stop typing in text speak.

Reported obv

Just did a quick survey with my English husband . I read out the thread to him and he said he didn't see that the knicker sniffing was a huge problem. He quite rightly pointed out that the fact that the DH involved said that the post didn't turn him on, was a bigger problem.

He said that she shouldn't chuck him out for knicker sniffing. I then asked him if he would sniff mine or any other Woman's used or unused knickers and he said ' not of my own free will'

He suggested couples counselling. But it does look as though the Posts marriage is shot.
He also said that concern for the children should be their priority.
So there you go, an opinion from a chaps point of view.

Hole my dh is disgusted at your DH.

So there you go, an opinion from a decent chaps point of view

Your husband has no problem with the invasion of privacy aspect?!

Do you have an opinion?

Or do you always ask your DH for his?

I can't believe usual has been deleted for (I assume) troll hunting. On THIS thread.

I've just asked my husband's opinion and he said it sounds like a made up pile of shit.

I never said that as I wouldn't troll hunt obviously.

Trolling is good
Troll hunting is bad

All my own opinion.

I've been known to give my man a pair of worn knickers to take with him if he's going to be away from me for a while. Once I told him I wanted him to cum on them and bring them back to me. (TMI sorry!) Mildly kinky I guess but not that depraved!

But different when it's someone who hasn't consented though. Then i think it is pretty fucking sleazy and I would be utterly livid. Although I agree with the PP's DH who said the fact he says he's no longer interested in sex with you that's a big deal too.

Are you sure you wouldn't be able to live in the country if you separated? can you get a full time job and keep the au pair?

Oh how I hate when posters come on wuoting their dh as the holy grail of posts. A man has spoken. Therefore.

Back to the topic.

I have read about this knicker sniffing thing. Apparently you can buy used knickers from vending machines in Japan. Sounds as though they are needed in a few more places.

OP I know you say you cannot put a lock on the door but really, removing a lock cleaning is a lot cheaper than moving house. So long as the door is repaired to a quality finish it will be ok. Is this the agent's rule?

As to your husband. He may not think it is a big deal but he needs to grasp that it is, to you - and will be to the au pair if/when you tell her. His dismissal of your feelings and reaction is the crux of what is wrong in your relationship. If he does not respect your feelings (never mind the au pair's privacy!) there is not a lot of hope for your relatiinship.

If money were no object, what would you do?

*quoting

The rest of the typos are probably a bit easier to decipher...

I think it's a darned shame that you can't have a discussion about something like this without the usual suspects coming on our board and degrading it. The op could miss the oportuntity to get some really good advice about how to deal with her knicker-sniffing husband. Sadly as I've said I think most men do this sort of thing so even if she LTB and got another one , he'd possibly be at it too in no time.

(TMI sorry!)

Yes, where do the people who love a chat about knicker sniffing get their stories (like Jacey's for instance) if not on Mumsnet?