Would this be ok or a dealbreaker?

[Toastandstrawberryjam]

Firstly I will just say I have had some brilliant advice on here in the past (you know who you are!). I am almost 100% sure that I'm not overeacting about this but keep laying awake wondering if I am overreacting.

Brief background, married a long time, he is long term EA, would love to get out but we are currently in a situation where I will have to take kids and go as he refuses to see what has happened as an issue.

Last week in front of the DC he screamed that he was going to f*ing slit his wrists before throwing a pile of ironing around and storming downstairs.

He maintains it was just a "silly" thing to say and as such he does not need to discuss it/apologise for it.

I maintain it was the kind of thing a parent NEVER says in front of their child and that I cannot forgive him for it or his attitude towards it.

He has since visited a counsellor (after I strongly asked him to leave) but decided not to tell him this, just to say we had had an argument.

Would it be a deal breaker for you? Or am I (as he says) totally overreacting.

That is a really, really great step.
Do you have something nice to do this afternoon, to relax you and take you mind off things a little. Something with your children after school maybe?

Great move, op

OP how about seeing a solicitor? I know you are still really confused,but by seeing them and getting some information advice and guidance, you are taking back a little control for yourself.

You don't have to act on any of it, or if you do you can do it in your own timeframe. I just think it would enable you to feel less panicky about it all.

You certainly can make him leave the house via divorce.

I hope it all works out OK for you, your life sounds pretty miserable right now

I have a solicitor appointment booked for next week.

Have spent this afternoon feeling very sick indeed. Not sure if it's shock although just had a friend phone, who I visited yesterday, to say she's been ill since yesterday evening! So I could be in for a fun evening ahead.

You know that stress can make you ill.

You have gone through a lot. You have had some tough love on this thread. You have reached for help with WA and a solicitor. (Very well done, btw :) )
It can be gut wrenching.

Allow yourself some rest and concentrate on what needs to be done. Don't second guess yourself.

Whatever path you will take, it will still be hard and an upheaval, and he will fight it. But you will be ok, and your children will too, if you do manage to leave.
The process may be hard, but the result can only be great.

Well done, I'm so pleased to see this. Hope you hear back from them soon.

Also I would be very much inclined to develop some sort of tic in my 'sleep' that causes my arms and legs to strike out were someone clinging onto me. I could not cope with it.

I think you are doing the right thing toast. saying you'll kill yoruself in front of the kids is just awful - and you say this is part of a pattern of consistently emotionally abusive stuff. It's a bad situation.

It would almost have been forgiveable if he was upset, but he wasn't. And he says he wasn't cross either. It's not a normal thing to say. I can see that now :)

Nice one Toast for taking these first and very important steps. Be proud, hold your head up high.

I used to wear trackie bottoms and sweatshirt so my skin didn't come into contact with ex. The tight gripping of you sounds awful for you.

Yes I wear that in bed. And a vest underneath. The skin contact thing makes me gag. And even then I'm freezing cold in bed. When he's away I don't wear anything and am warm.

How sad that this was the man I adored for so many years. I got married thinking it was forever. But forever turns out to be a VERY long time!

"Forever" in this context sounds like a prison sentence.

Oh Toast, well done for taking those steps. You will not regret it.

I hope you managed to sleep OK

Not much sleep. Think my ulcer is back. Had one a few years ago caused by stress, so I think it's likely to have made a return!!

But interestingly enough rather than feeling pathetic and ill, I'm actually bloody furious that he has made me ill again.

All this for a man ?

You mean he isn't the cause? Because I'm pretty sure he is.

AF probably means that he isn't worth it. :)

And if he is making you ill, then you know what we do to bacteria that make us ill.

Or tumours.

What I meant was no man is worth this

Let's count the ways in which he is actually worth fuck-all

1. he abuses you

2. he abuses his kids

3. he makes you ill....mentally ill and physically

4. your kids are being psychologically damaged

Would you advise anyone else to stay with such a person ? Anyone who does is not right in the head themselves.

lweji ...kill them ? Yes please.

Or cut them out.

Thinks you and the kids "are lower than him"?!

What pond life did he crawl out of.

I wouldn't have the time of day for those kind of people's attitudes.

EA, shouting and screaming and threatening to kill himself are all deal breakers for me.

Think how this is affecting your kids for a life long trauma.

You can do it you know (leave him). What he does with his life thereafter is not your responsibility. Your only responsibility is towards giving you and your kids a good life to the best of your ability and having a peaceful home that is their (and yours) haven.