Back to square one :-( don't know who the dad is :-(

[Halleberry]

I posted a while back this same topic. I had become increasingly obsessed with this and could not settle. I managed to move past it (for a while) until yesterday my new midwife told me my dating scan coil be up to a week or so out. Now in devastated as I'd been told before that done at the right time they are never more than a couple of days in or out. Basically my last period was on or around the 20th August. I slept with my partner a few times between the 25th August until we reconciled properly in September. However after a drunken night in the 7th of September, I slept with a good friend of mine. On the 15th of September I don't a pg test and it was positive @ 2/3 weeks. My first scan put my due date @ 26 May 2015. Meaning I conceived on or around beginning of September (and I was sleeping with my partner at this time). But now after new mid wife saying it could be a week out I'm back to square one and I'm ill over it. Anyone any advice/experience please? Can a clear blue say 2/3 weeks only 8 days after intercourse? Does this seem more than likely paranoia and baby is my partners? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Please no judgment. I hate myself enough as it is and this pregnancy is awful.

[spanky2]

As you are having special care iis there a counsellor you can talk to as I feel you are being very hard on yourself. I think you need to be your own friend. I am also hard on myself. Your were doing the best you could in a difficult situation, you slept with a friend while you and your DP were not together, you must have been very lonely.

[Hairtodaygonetomorrow]

On this one, I really feel for you. Can you get a bit more support/friends/family to help you as it sounds like you do feel pretty bad anyway and this is just making things worse.

[ChippingInLatteLover]

You know what, while this might be morally crap, I would wait and see.

Spend your pregnancy assuming it's your partners. It is much, much more likely to be his than your 'friends'.

Him walking out now because of a stupid mistake you made when you were 'working things out' would be such a shame. I can see why he'd do it and yes, he does have the right to make that decision really, but I think you have more than learnt your lesson without breaking your family up and pushing you over the edge.

You'll know when you've had the baby what blood type it is and whether it's feasible it's your partners or not. Of course that's no guarantee. But maybe the baby will look like him, or look like your first DC etc.

At some stage you may have to face it head on, but hopefully you'll be a tighter family unit by then and hopefully your partner will see it for the stupid mistake it was and in time forgive you.

If it was me, I'd tell him, but I'm not struggling with depression like you are.

[Halleberry]

I was very lonely. My fiancé and I are doing great now as we have both made the changes that were needed in order for us to reconcile. But up until September he was a very lonely man to be with. He agrees with that himself. He was so shut off from emotions I was so lonely I'd cry myself to sleep. Since we got back he has been so much more
Loving and attentive and open and things are amazing. I'm so happy with him now and my son is over the moon that we are back together and he is going to have a little sister. But this is hanging over me. Part of me selfishly
Feels angry with my OH as u blame him for the reasons we split but I know we should not blame others for our own actions. I'm
So lost an alone and I have no family to talk to because I can't tell his to anyone at all. I think I will tell my cpn next time I see her but she isn't that great :-( x

[Lonecatwithkitten]

The science would say it is highly likely to be your Ex-partners baby.
Pregnancy tests pick up the hormone hcG which is produced by the placenta after implantation. Implantation occurs between 6 and 12 days after conception though most commonly at 9 days post conception.
If conception had been on the 7th Sept this would be day 0, so 15th Sept would be day 8 even if you had had a day 6 implantation 48 hours would be unlikely to be enough time to develop a placenta capable of producing enough hcG to trigger a pregnancy test.

[Halleberry]

Even writing this makes me paranoid incase someone we know somehow recognises my situation or my writing style :-( paranoid central x

[Halleberry]

I'm not really sure how it all works inspite of the hours I've spent trawling the Internet. My scan puts me at having conceived beginning of September which would definitely make it my OH. I was not sure though if my friends sperm could implant instantly giving a clear positive after 7 n half days?

[lunar1]

I really don't think there is any way for you to know without a DNa test. I was vomiting with hyperemisis by 8dpo on both my successful pregnancies.

If I was you I would just come clean now. There is never going to be a right time and it doesn't sound like your mental health will benefit from keeping this secret. You are scared, paranoid and anxious all the time.

I know it will be hideous when you tell him and you will have to face that at some point no matter what. But you need to get the burden of this secret off your chest as it really sounds like it is having a debilitating effect in you.

[alabastergirl]

you have another child? Could you compare their dna instead of the dna of the father?

[Halleberry]

He is not ds biological father although he has brought him up since he was a baby. So were you positive only 8 days after sexual intercourse?

[ChippingInLatteLover]

I seriously doubt anyone is going to take the blood of a child to test, just so the OP can avoid asking her partner. Rightly so.

Lonecat. What do you know about dating scans? Would it be worth having a private one done!

[Halleberry]

All I know is that they are quite accurate if done at the right time. I think my mental health would suffer more at telling him and him leaving :-(

[alabastergirl]

I thought a positive result could be produced 7-10 days after conception?

[Halleberry]

That was my belief until yesterday anyway when my mid wife said they can be a week out :-(

[Momagain1]

I would start by having a detailed discussion with your mid-wife, and possibly even an obstetrician. NOT your partner. Does the new mid-wife even know the potential for the paternity to be in question? Does she understand your mental state? Is it in your notes? Did she read them? It is true that their are babies whose development is slightly ahead or behind, and normally this is simply an interesting fact of no consequence. But in your case, if she knew your situation and tossed out that fact idly, she was behaving very unprofessionally.

So, write down the history from your estimated last cycle to the point of the positive test, and get an absolutely professional opinion based on that. Take your therapist to the appointment for support, if you can as you have no one else at this point. The question of DNA testing need not be addressed unless your medical team says so.

[Rumours]

I really think the baby is your dp's from what you describe. The 2-3 weeks pregnant is how far you are since conception, so in fact you would've been 4-5 weeks pregnant.

[Brandysnapper]

I spent a long time trying to conceive and never got a clear blue positive until about 12 days post conception (some other tests are more sensitive, still 10 days was earliest - I had a lot of pregnancies). With the clear blue it would rise (and sometimes fall) fairly reliably within the times it said. So no, I do not believe your ONS could be the father, I really don't. Not sure if you can live with the wondering though.

[Showy]

Halle, I've talked to you on here before and you are in no different a position now as you were then. I explained before about how accurate scans were and how even though it's overwhelmingly likely that it's your partner's baby, no health care professional or person on MN can tell you this for absolute certain. You had a very long thread on here and posted on a few others iirc. Many, many people have told you exactly the same things that you are being told. You keep asking the same questions time and again. The answers to them won't change.

I get it, I do and I really feel for you. You sound so terribly anxious. There is no way to know from going over and over and over and over the same ground. That is symptomatic of your anxiety and you will never find the answers you're looking for. The only way to do that is to tell your partner and have the tests.

I don't want to upset you. I mean all this kindly. You need to accept that nobody can be absolutely certain. The bottom line is that yes the baby is probably your partner's. It is highly unlikely to be your friend's. But that isn't 100%.

All you can do now is decide what you're going to do going forward. Looking back is not going to help you. You need to use the support available to you through your antenatal and mental health teams. Of course lean on Mumsnet, friends and family too if you are able but now you have to look to the future and make decisions about what will happen. You can't know what might have happened in the past and you're torturing yourself.

[alabastergirl]

The trouble is nobody here can give you a definite answer - and you won't be able to relax until you know yourself.

What would you do if the baby turns out not to be your partner's?

[homeaway]

Discount the weeks that the pregnancy test said you were and go on the facts. You did a pregnancy test eight days after you had sex with the other person and got a strong positive ? It is really really unlikely that you were pregnant from that one night as if you were pregnant it would show as a really faint line not a strong positive one. The most likely scenario is it that it is your partners baby. How many days are your cycles normally ? Talk to the midwife about your concerns or a consultant, they will be able to help you . Good luck .

[Alya81]

Why did you test before your period was due? Do you have a very short cycle? However assuming your cycle is average then it does sound like the 7th would have been around the time of ovulation. However very few pregnancy tests would give a positive result so soon after fertilisation.

[alabastergirl]

Crossposted Showy - you said it much better than I did.

[lunar1]

No doctor or health professional is going to be able to give you a fool proof answer without a DNA test. I really feel sorry for you op, but your partners feelings have to be considered as well. It would be awful for the baby to be born and then for him to find out it might not be his. I hope you find a way to tell him.

[Showy]

Alya, that is incorrect. If August 20th was day 1 of a textbook, average cycle, you'd expect ovulation on September 2nd. The OP was testing on day 27 of her cycle. This is IRRELEVANT though. Nobody can tell OP when she ovulated or when she conceived with any certainty and this is what she wants. That certainty can only come from a DNA test.

[Showy]

No alabaster. I waffled. You put the same sentiment into a much more concise sentence.