Back to square one :-( don't know who the dad is :-(

[Halleberry]

I posted a while back this same topic. I had become increasingly obsessed with this and could not settle. I managed to move past it (for a while) until yesterday my new midwife told me my dating scan coil be up to a week or so out. Now in devastated as I'd been told before that done at the right time they are never more than a couple of days in or out. Basically my last period was on or around the 20th August. I slept with my partner a few times between the 25th August until we reconciled properly in September. However after a drunken night in the 7th of September, I slept with a good friend of mine. On the 15th of September I don't a pg test and it was positive @ 2/3 weeks. My first scan put my due date @ 26 May 2015. Meaning I conceived on or around beginning of September (and I was sleeping with my partner at this time). But now after new mid wife saying it could be a week out I'm back to square one and I'm ill over it. Anyone any advice/experience please? Can a clear blue say 2/3 weeks only 8 days after intercourse? Does this seem more than likely paranoia and baby is my partners? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Please no judgment. I hate myself enough as it is and this pregnancy is awful.

When will that one day be though, that sounds like a good deal into the future. By then the child will be registered with possibly the wrong name on the birth certificate and your DH will have been decieved for so much longer. Is the plan to let him fall in love with the child for so long he won't be able to leave if he ever discovers the truth?

Whilst recovery time is needed after a section, it wouldn't need much effort for a test and some truth. Your child and DH deserve that as they have done nothing wrong.

OP is not married so her DP won't be on the certificate unless he attends.

Certificates can be changed of necessary. Give her a break.

And an ounce of imagination epuld tell you it's not the physical effort that's the problem, it's the emotional.

OP I would hide the thread now TBH. You've made your decision and go forth at peace with it.

I am truly sorry if me as a stranger has made you feel worse. I'm coming at this from a different angle and got rather emotional.

I hope you recover well from the birth and that your baby thrives and does well.

Halle, please move away from this thread now, for your own sanity. There is nothing more to be gained from it. You came for re-assurance, which most people tried to give you. The criticism, and total lack of compassion from others has been well meant, I'm sure, but they should remember "Walk a mile in my shoes".

You have said repeatedly what you intend to do......just as soon as you are emotionally able. The rest is no one else's business. I would still caution putting any more details out here. You really don't know who may be reading, and as you've seen, not everyone agrees with you.

I wish you all the happiness in the world.

I've totally F**ked up im absolutely heart broken. Baby here, healthy and beautiful. My DP is ABSOLUTELY smitten. So much so he has extended his paternity leave to another 2 weeks holiday. I can't believe how stupid ive been. I should have told him at the very start. I didn't think about how hard it would be to actually tell him after seeing him with bubs and how much he loves her. I'm absolutely prepared for all the "told you so" or negative remarks im about to receive. I'm just here to off load because im such a mess. I am suffering from a bit of PND so everyone thinks that's all this is. I know though that its loads to do with what has happened. I've ruined this for everyone and myself. I can't enjoy my baby at all. I struggle to even look at her because I obsessively look at all her features to see who she may look like. The mix of serious MH problems I already have with this on top is almost unbearable

Oh love. I feel for you. Can you confide in your doctor.

You really need some professional help.

Take a deep breath and keep calm.

It will be your hormones . Just hold your baby , take care of your baby. She's yours. She needs you.

Remember this could all still be for nothing.

Don't forget to take care of you too.

halle

You need to go to the doctor and speak to him or her urgently. Tell him everything and ask his help.

The mix of this devastating you and the PND and mental health issues is too much. You cannot carry on with this now.

Please, go and talk to your doctor. Don't let this go any further.

thinking of you.

Halle, listen to Meerka love. You need to speak to your drs-now if you can. Things will be ok in the end, but you need to be well enough do deal with them, make choices that will work for you long term.

For now, can you have set a goal that before you go to bed tonight you will have been to see the doctor.
Congratulations on your baby girl, you will feel differently, life will not always be like this, but you need help and support. It is there, waiting for you.
Xx

Halle the end is in sight

When can you get the testing done?

I recommend getting it done ASAP so you can put an end to your suffering.

Halleberry .I have no experience of this, but I think your first priority is the baby, and making sure the baby is well. This means not worrying about other things.

After the birth, you can then look at why you slept with your friend. Personally I would tell my husband, and have the DNA test, and take it from there. We all make mistakes but it is what we do after the mistake that matters.

Im seeing my doctor on Tuesday and will tell all. I've tried to find ways of doing a DNA test without telling DP but I can't find a way round it. And yes I'm gutless. the guilt is killing me but the thought of telling him and him leaving me right now when im this vulnerable also kills me. I'm just holding it together as it is. Without him I think I'd fall apart. If I tell him and it turns out she is his but he doesn't want to stay with me, I think I would crack and fall apart. I can't believe how stupid ive been and how many lives I could be ruining and how ive ruined what should be a lovely time with my new baby girl x

Thats is good that you are seeing the doctor. In th meantime try to look after the baby and yourself. We are rooting for you. Do you have access to someone that you an talk to over the weekend ?

Halle say nothing!!!!!

You have a loving partner who, by the sounds of it, loves your dd very much.
Perhaps it is better if you just leave things as they are and not persue the DNA test. Just enjoy your baby and get on with your life. Don't tell your partner.

Halle please don't tell your partner. It's highly unlikely that you'd have got a strong positive just a week after conception, so the baby is almost certainly DP's.

I haven't read the whole thread but could you possibly ask your dr about doing a DNA test using samples from you and your older DS (assuming DP is his father too)? They could definitely tell if the children are full siblings or not. Hopefully that would set your mind at rest and you can move forward and enjoy your lovely family.

Hugs from a complete stranger!

I think right now you need to find ways of living with the worm that is eating away very destructively.

Sometimes things become too much for anyone and you have a huge amount on your plate. Sometimes people need to ask for help, and this is your time to ask. It's okay to do that and right now, it's the sensible thing to do because you are tearing yourself apart.

I'm very glad you are seeing the doctor. I hope they are a sympathetic understanding sort.

There's some information on how to get a DNA test done here. But you do need 365pounds or so.

Again, please be gentle on yourself. Everyone makes mistakes, some of them bad. You fall flat on your face, you learn and you go one ... and actually in the future, sometimes you can help other people from your own experience. It truly isn't the end of your life, you are not the worst person in the world and you will come through. YOu'll come through better if you are able to get the right help though.

I have read this and I really feel for you. You made a mistake, you're human, it happens and, as a pp said, it's what you do after that matters.

I absolutely cannot believe that there are people on here telling you to live a life of deception and just not say anything to your DP and not take a DNA test....what on earth are they thinking?? These things have a horrible way of crawling out of the woodwork when you least expect it and, from bitter experience, the longer it's left the bigger the repercussions. Of course hindsight is a wonderful thing and you would have fessed up at the start but I absolutely understand why you didn't.

I'm not sure how it would work if you had a test without your DP knowing, what would you say if it came back as him not being the father? Realistically it's not going to work, you need to be open about it.

Let the dust settle, let the excitement die down, let you recover physically and emotionally after the cs and then think again but please, don't do what pp have suggested and just ignore the issue indefinitely (FWIW you sound lovely and I don't, for a second, think that you would) as it's unfair on you, your DP and your beautiful baby girl.

Good luck halle, I hope you stay kind to yourself

You need professional help. Do the dna. She could be your partners and all this is for nothing.

Halle I feel for you I really do because you are in an awful position. Please speak to your doctor first before you do anything they may be able to help you find a way out of this mess.
But those on here saying continue to lie to your partner are truly despicable, I am shocked by people would think that is the right course of action.

Halle I wish you all the best however please don't lie to your partner, you are better than that.

I can guarantee you all 100% that if the DNA comes back that she isn't my DP's, then I would definitly come clean. There is no doubt in my mind that I could not live with something like that on my conscience. What's holding me back from this DNA just now or admission to my DP I guess is the fact that I'm 95% sure she is his. I know that still leaves a 5% chance that I should confess to, but I will absolutely hate myself if I admit this and it turns out she is his. However, I also know that I can't go on like this much longer. I called the crisis team today (I felt like I was losing my mind) and the woman I spoke to told me that DNA is not important right now. That I need to concentrate on healing from my CS and taking care of my little girl. Once all my hormones have settled and I'm thinking more clearly, then ive to consider my options. I'm sorry if my post offends anyone who has been in Similar situations and thinks I'm being cruel. I'm not a bad person, honestly. I just love my little family so much and don't want to lose them xx

Halle, lovely lady, well done for reaching out to someone on the crisis team... You do need professional help managing the PND and guilt (the latter almost certainly exacerbating the former). I know you plan to tell your GP everything on Tuesday, but you need RL, expert support right now. Does your midwife or HV know how depressed you feel? If you feel overwhelmed again, get help straightaway! Your hormones are all over the place and with your MH issues, don't take any chances. Healing is of paramount importance and your precious little beautiful girl needs you! I have faith that a) you're right about your partner being her father; b) you will find a way to do the DNA test in your own good time; and c) you will come through this ordeal with your precious little family intact. You can do this! Take every day, or even every hour, as it comes; try not to let the anxiety take hold completely. You absolutely need an angel watching over your shoulder now, be it a counsellor or a midwife or savvy HV who knows you have PND. You will find a way forward; I hope your GP gives you access to counselling ASAP so that you can get some RL support in place and prepare for your next steps. Give your darling baby girl an extra snuggle! And hugs to you... xxxx

Do you know your partners blood type? And could you find out your daughters and your blood type? It can't necessarily tell you who the father is, but could, possibly tell you that your partner is not her father.

So pleased to hear you've reached out. The lady is right. Has it settled your mind a bit so that things are liveable-with?

edenrose is so right ...