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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Back to square one :-( don't know who the dad is :-(

409 replies

Halleberry · 28/01/2015 12:18

I posted a while back this same topic. I had become increasingly obsessed with this and could not settle. I managed to move past it (for a while) until yesterday my new midwife told me my dating scan coil be up to a week or so out. Now in devastated as I'd been told before that done at the right time they are never more than a couple of days in or out. Basically my last period was on or around the 20th August. I slept with my partner a few times between the 25th August until we reconciled properly in September. However after a drunken night in the 7th of September, I slept with a good friend of mine. On the 15th of September I don't a pg test and it was positive @ 2/3 weeks. My first scan put my due date @ 26 May 2015. Meaning I conceived on or around beginning of September (and I was sleeping with my partner at this time). But now after new mid wife saying it could be a week out I'm back to square one and I'm ill over it. Anyone any advice/experience please? Can a clear blue say 2/3 weeks only 8 days after intercourse? Does this seem more than likely paranoia and baby is my partners? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Please no judgment. I hate myself enough as it is and this pregnancy is awful.

OP posts:
fuctifino · 15/05/2015 06:30

Congratulations on the birth of your daughter.

I sincerely hope if/when you confirm parentage that your dfiance is the father and you can put this time behind you and enjoy your family.

Groovee · 15/05/2015 06:34

My friend had a similar situation and when her child was born, the hospital had to take bloods and told her what blood group the child was. It definitely ruled out her husband as she and her husband where the same blood group. But the baby's dad was the same blood group as his daughter.

Concentrate on getting over the birth and getting to know your daughter x

Pidgy · 15/05/2015 07:08

Congratulations!!!

Try to enjoy this time and as others have said, everything can wait.
Whatever you decide is the right thing for you. Only you will know what is best for you and your family.

Pidgy · 15/05/2015 07:17

textfan, re: blood types, this could be a way of determining the father, but it's dependent on what type both men are and on Halle's blood type. Not sure I'm explaining it well, but you might be able to tell quite easily, or the combinations of their types and the babies might still make it inconclusive.
What I really was meaning earlier is that it might be so obvious that the baby is the DPs that none of the tests are needed, but I really don't want to go on (sorry if I have), and just want Halle to enjoy her new baby.

YonicScrewdriver · 15/05/2015 07:18

Enjoy your DD, worry about the other stuff later x

wigglylines · 15/05/2015 07:18

Congratulations! Ignore the people going on at you. Really unkind IMO.. There's plenty of time for that..Focus on getting to know your beautiful daughter, that's what's important right now.

Justusemyname · 15/05/2015 08:06

Unkind? No, just saying the right action that should be taken. How are the actions of the OP to be described in her partner and baby if she stays silent and he isn't her dad?

She got herself In this mess and now she has to deal with the consequences. She has six weeks to register the birth. She can jot in all consciousness put her partner down as the father without knowing he is the biological father.

I have sympathy for the baby and the man more than the OP to be honest as plenty of others are there thereing her. I do wish you well, OP, don't wish you any harm and I hope your partner is the father.

YonicScrewdriver · 15/05/2015 08:09

Just, it is unkind to go on at someone when they have just had a CS and have a brand new baby. I can't imagine anyone here would do
It To a person in RL.

Justusemyname · 15/05/2015 08:11

I'm merely answering posts. I've wished the OP well.

I won't repeat what I think she should do as it's been said.

Twochipsnobiff · 15/05/2015 09:32

I would move on now, Just.

Congratulations Halle! There's nothing nicer than knowing your little daughter loves you no matter what, right now. She needs you to be strong for her. I hope reading all of this hasn't been upsetting.

I have been struck reading your posts that everything a poster on here says to you, you've already thought of. You've been torturing yourself for months - you don't need us to remind you of the consequences to what has happened. All we can offer you is support, and kindness in a time you feel you can't talk to people you're close to in real life.

TwiceAsNiceAsIceAndaSlice · 15/05/2015 10:12

Congratulations OP Flowers

If I were you I would hide this thread and get on with your life.

50shadesofmeh · 15/05/2015 10:49

whats done is done Halle , your daughter is here and you need to make the best of things right now, hide this thread and ignore the negativity, when you feel stronger try for the DNA test that will put your mind at rest xxx

ELIANASGRANNY · 15/05/2015 11:10

Welcome to the world little one. Much love and congratulations Halle.

You have thought of every eventuality already, and will do what's right for everyone, when you feel able. You don't need to be constantly reminded of what others think you should do. That way the confusion will never end. Also, the longer this goes on, and more details emerge, you are putting yourself in a very vulnerable position.

Step away now, taking with you the love and support of many strangers, wishing you nothing but the best.

Meerka · 15/05/2015 13:13

congratulations halle :) hoping for a speedy recovery for you physically and mentally and all the best.

what feijoa said ... Good people make mistakes. Peace for the future Flowers

Awadebumbo · 15/05/2015 14:34

Congratulations Halle, hope you are feeling well and everything well and your new baby.

Justusemyname · 15/05/2015 14:49

Twochips - I didn't ask for your advice.

Congratulations on your baby OP.

Original poster
Halleberry · 15/05/2015 21:24

Thanks all. Still in hospital. And justuse..... I feel awful. Like you couldn't imagine. I've ruined this moment for myself as much as anyone, and nothing you can say could make Me feel any worse. I should have told him in the beginning. I've messed up. I can never forgive myself Sad

OP posts:
Awadebumbo · 15/05/2015 21:37

Halle I don't think that anyone included Just is trying to demonise you, of course you feel awful this is a messed up situation.
I hope that you manage to get this sorted out.

SummerHouse · 15/05/2015 21:42

Flowers you sound like an amazing mum. That's all that counts at the moment.

lonelymillie · 15/05/2015 21:46

do you know the blood groups?

Pispcina · 15/05/2015 21:53

Sweetheart quite apart from the fact that it's extremely likely your child is also that of your DP, given your dates - I think you have got this thing very much out of proportion.

There is a baby here, it's a real live baby who needs a happy Mum and the past is the past.

You haven't killed anyone. I think your hormones are making it feel a lot bigger than it really is.

It is just so unlikely to be the other person's baby. In my case it was a similar situation, I'd had proper unprotected sex with the long term partner, and the other guy had pulled out. It was a very small chance it would have been the other guy's baby, but I tortured myself for months over it.

I wish I hadn't now. I think you should put it out of your head while you get used to babby and then start to make practical and calm plans for proper testing, which will give you your answer as to what to do - either forget about it, if the outcome is as I suspect, or possibly tell your DP if it isn't.

There is nothing you can do about it now without really causing a big fuss. Wait till you have the facts.

textfan · 15/05/2015 21:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Halleberry · 15/05/2015 23:00

I'm trying really hard to be strong for her and not let the sadness over take me. We are all in love with her. I know nobody believes me but I can't go on living like this. I WILL do a DNA one way or another when I am home and fit and healthy enough to face it. and one day I will be x

OP posts:
YonicScrewdriver · 15/05/2015 23:18

Halle, I believe you. Do what you need to for peace of mind.

AFAIK hospitals don't routinely test blood groups so I don't think that suggestion will resolve matters.

wigglylines · 16/05/2015 00:09

Halleberry please be kind to yourself.

Try to let go of the guilt and just enjoy being in the moment with your baby when you can (in between the tiredness and hard work and all the rest of being a new mum!)

You haven't screwed up, not at all. You've done what you think best. You have a plan of action. Now stop thinking about it for a while, and concentrate on your lovely new family, including looking after yourself!