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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

son has nowhere to go

173 replies

mykidscome1st · 27/01/2015 20:01

i desperately need some advice,my 20 year old son moved out just under a year ago into a flat with his gf,its miles away,they are splitting up and he wants to come home, we have 3 other children at home,and live in a 3 bed house, the room my other son is in is too small for him never mind sharing it with the 20 year old,our living room is quite large so ive asked my husband to half it properly and make my son a bedroom downstairs,hes not having none of it,so my son now has nowhere to sleep, me and oh have been arguing about this for days now,and ive had enough,my children will always come first no matter what,so I told my husband to leave,weve been together 12 years so I don't really want it to come to this,why is he being so god damn unreasonable

OP posts:
Wombat22 · 27/01/2015 20:06

Where did he sleep before he moved out Confused

LadyLuck10 · 27/01/2015 20:07

Even though your son is 20yo he is still your child. Your DH is really being horrible, where does he expect him to go? Can you 3 not have a discussion, you, your DH and DS as to a plan about how this will work?
Maybe draw up some timelines, see if your DS has plans to find a place of his own once he finds his feet.

nozzz · 27/01/2015 20:07

What is your husband's reasoning?

hamptoncourt · 27/01/2015 20:09

Yes, if DS moved out less than a year ago which room was he in then?

Petallic · 27/01/2015 20:11

Surely it's just a temporary measure and he can manage sleeping on the sofa without the room being re-partitioned? Of course have him home but I wouldn't be doing any building work

warysara · 27/01/2015 20:11

Just on the other side: you are asking to permanently split your living room in half? As with a stud wall?

Original poster
mykidscome1st · 27/01/2015 20:11

he shared the larger room with his younger brother,baby was in with me and hubby, and my other little girl was in the box room,after he moved out we moved the girls to share big room and our son the box room to himself,which he loves having his own room and like I said theres noway two can be in it,we even had to cut the bed down to fit in there,sorry I don't get all the short talk,only just joined

OP posts:
IsabeauMichelle · 27/01/2015 20:13

Yes, what Petallic said. It's only while he gets back on his feet isn't it? Is your dh happy for him to kip on the sofa for a bit?

lunar1 · 27/01/2015 20:13

I'd get rid of my dh too in that situation, sorry you are going through this.

Eastpoint · 27/01/2015 20:13

DS = son
DH = husband
DD = daughter
DM = mother
DMIL/MIL= mother in law
STBXH = soon to be ex husband
OH = other half
DP = partner

gamerchick · 27/01/2015 20:14

So its your way or the highway?

Maybe your husband doesn't want to do work on the house to add yet another adult to it? There are other ways of accommodating somebody without changing the house.. like bunk beds. Maybe he has fear they'll never leave.

Wombat22 · 27/01/2015 20:15

I'm with the husband.

Original poster
mykidscome1st · 27/01/2015 20:16

yes I want someone I no who would do it for free to put a stud wall up,the front room is plenty big enough and has its own door for son to get in and out,hes reasons being if son not home for very long its a waste of time and money, but I don't think it is as we can then use it as a play room or gym room,i don't wreckon my son will be leaving again anytime too soon as this was his first ever relationship shes miles away and he misses us too much to stay

OP posts:
gamerchick · 27/01/2015 20:17

So am I. . Poor bugger, turfed put for not doing as he's told.

warysara · 27/01/2015 20:18

I think it is unreasonable to partition the living room and doubly so to kick your husband out. On the plus side, your son can now share a bed with you ...

Viviennemary · 27/01/2015 20:20

Why don't you leave and make room for your son. The thought that people can just turf their partners out like a stray dog because they won't toe the line just beggars belief.

ohdearitshappeningtome · 27/01/2015 20:21

One will presume dh isn't this ds son? Do they get on usually? What's his reasoning for saying no? Did he offer a compromise ?

Kewcumber · 27/01/2015 20:22

why is he being so god damn unreasonable

its a waste of time and money

There you go, you answered yourself if you'd listened to yourself carefully.

On the sofa temporarily then help him find a bedsit locally (presumably he's working at 20?).

Don't you think it would be a backward step for your son to move home again on anything other than a temporary basis? He's his own man now, he doesn't need to be a child again.

Original poster
mykidscome1st · 27/01/2015 20:23

so its actually me being unreasonable then? I just cant c my son living out of a suitcase kipping on the sofa

OP posts:
noddyholder · 27/01/2015 20:24

Is it his dad? I would always put my children 1st in this instance.

Kewcumber · 27/01/2015 20:24

i don't wreckon my son will be leaving again anytime too soon

This is exactly what worries him that you will acquire a fourth child at home and DH will be bottom of the pecking order it seems.

Original poster
mykidscome1st · 27/01/2015 20:27

its my house why should I go I had it when we met,i let him move in with me,no hes not the father of the eldest,and yes they do normally get on ,but another part of me thinks if this was his daughter would he do it

OP posts:
KatelynB · 27/01/2015 20:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Quitelikely · 27/01/2015 20:28

I'm with you. I would not see my child on the streets for any man! The fact he isn't his biological father is highly relevant because I bet if it was he would have a different attitude.

You can get a joiner to build bunk beds into small spaces if that's any help. Just google and click on images.

Kewcumber · 27/01/2015 20:28

I just cant c my son living out of a suitcase kipping on the sofa why not? Confused

It's only temporary, he can rent a room in a nice house somewhere local. It's good for adult children to be treated like babies. HE should be supporting himself and behaving like the man that he is.

Very happy to provide extra support during breakups - that whats mums are for - but moving back home as an adult for more than a temporary time. No thanks.