dh hit me, I called the police, and nobody has come. ..

[greenbananas]

Just that really. My 6 year old told me I must call the police. This was a couple of hours ago. He stayed up as long as he could, but is now sleeping.

I don't know what I am going to say to the police if / when they come.

Because you only get support pressing charges if you're the perfect victim by the looks of it.

I'm so angry on your behalf OP. You really should complain. I think your posts last night prove that you were hardly legless.

I also fear that not pressing charges may reflect badly on you.

I'm disgusted to hear about your treatment from the police but in my experience the fact that you haven't pressed charges may go against you, SS may feel that you are not willing to protect your children. I hope that you manage to see the situation for what it is and formulate an exit plan asap.

This is so very unfair. Perhaps if you had better support you would feel more able to press charges.

I hope the Domestic Violence people come through for you.

Those police officers are utter fuckwits. Please call the domestic violence team tomorrow.

Your husband is the one who needs to take a good hard look at his behaviour, he is the one who assaulted you in front of his children the fucking cockwomble.

Sorry, I'm so angry on your behalf.

Can you call your insurance company tomorrow to see if you can get any legal advice on getting the bastard out of your house and allow you to get back to work.

Actually yes. OP, for the sake of your children, your career and everything else, talk to Women's Aid and the DV unit, say that you felt dismissed and ridiculed by the police and blamed for the incident although you were NOT drunk, but mainly in shock, and you felt unable to press charges. Then press charges and make a complaint about your treatment.

I think I'm right in saying that when the police came around, you were on your own with the children. If they are going to suggest that you were so intoxicated that you did not make a reliable witness, then why the hell did they think it was ok to leave you in sole charge of your children?

They can't have it both ways.

I'm sorry for how you have been treated thus far. Please try not to be discouraged and pursue this.

Please make a complaint about the police - that was a disgusting way to treat you. What i am reading here is that you were pissed, probably ranting like a madwoman at your dh and he was at the end of his tether and lashed out!!! Thats what they seem to be implying. I am beyond angry on your behalf - bastards.

Why is your DH saying he will sleep in the car? can he not sleep at his parents again?

You were sober enough to write on this forum, it is proof, that you were lucid ?

You need to press charges, as awful as the Police were (and yes I would put in a formal complaint about that) they gave you this option. I realise this must be a difficult, confusing and emotional time for you but you need to ensure you and your children's safety, both in the short and long term. I think you are in denial as you keep saying you are safe now - this is not true as there is a risk of further violence.

Just as I predicted with the police. O p get friends and family statement on your parenting ability and speak to scool and HV before the police report. Have someonewith you don't trust police now they are in cover up mode.

Well done contacting ofstep.

I'm really surprised and saddened at the Police reaction actually, I thought in this day and age domestic violence was taken seriously and victims treated sensitively. I guess this just depends where you live to, because that is not my experience locally.

This is why Teresa May gave the police a bollocking, they Fuck up then cover it up by deflecting blame on victims.

This is why ss get a hard time. They get misinformation and op probably won't be able to see what's in the police report to challenge it. Then the police complaints are dealt with by the same people doing the cover up in first instance, which means even more so they come down on someone like op with each police report blaming her making her look bad keep her wrapped up with other agencies.

I am so pissed off for your dc now op.

My advice prosecute your husband, get him out of the house and longer term move to another area your family will be treated like shite for the next 18 years if you stay there and you can keep address from ex so no need for police again.

I don't get the feeling though the OP wants to separate from her violent DH now she feels it has "died down".

I'll likely get flamed for this, but OP you originally said your DP hit you. But then you said he pushed you and you fell. Obviously that's still horrible. But perhaps the police viewed it as a slightly alcohol induced 50/50 scuffle. There is a big difference between that and being punched. I barged past my DP once when he had had a few and he fell over backwards. Should I be arrested for domestic violence?

If he has actually assaulted you in the past, did you tell the police that? If not to should do. If not, then it sounds like an unhealthy relationship but not a prosecution matter.

I'm not making assumptions either way, but people saying to kick him out immediately and prosecute are potentially saying so without knowing the full picture.

Aranan, you are the one getting the wrong end of the stick from what I can see. OP never used the word punch, as for the word hit, how do you push someone down? If her husband's hand was already on her before the push, then it was "merely" a push, if it was not on her at that moment, it was a hit and a push.

So much for semantics.

I think the police have behaved appallingly. Starting with the judgey women. It's like the last forty or so years never happened.

i hope you can resolve the situation with ofsted.

hi folks, and thanks again for your posts.

I spoke to ds's school this morning and they are being really supportive. I'm confident they will help me out as much as they can with this.

I also called social services again, and got some fairly good advice from a friendly social worker. It looks like, safeguarding-wise, I am going to need to ask dh to leave the house for a bit (I already knew this, but kind of needed to hear them say it).

After some thought, I've decided not to make a complaint against the police. It would probably stir up a whole lot of trouble, and I've got enough of that right now.

tinkerbell, you're absolutely right that I dont want to dh and I to break up completely - but I will do anything I have to in order to keep my children safe.

I called the domestic legal people today, and I have until next Monday to proceed with the steps towards an occupancy order. I am still considering this carefully... I'd rather dh left voluntarily and it all stayed amicable, but think I will do it if I have to.

I'll talk to dh calmly but firmly and explain that either he leaves voluntarily and agrees to counselling etc with appropriate agencies, or I will get the occupancy order in place (I'm sure neither of us want to go down that route).

I am certainly safe for tonight and tomorrow, and am not going to do anything rash here. It has genuinely all become much calmer in this house - but I am not kidding myself that it won't happen again some time if I do nothing - so I am taking positive action. I want dh to stay involved in our lives, but in a safe way, and I am working with dv people, the school and social services to hopefully achieve this.

I'll be offline for a couple of days probably, cos of various appointments tomorrow, but will be back at some point.

If your DS has any further questions or worries about everything that has happened, the hideout.co.uk is an excellent resource for explaining to and supporting children who have experienced dv.

It's run by Women's Aid, and the helpline is very good for advice and signposting too.

Sorry, it's thehideout.org.uk

How are you getting on?

I know I've not been back for a while. I'm in court on Monday for a non-molestation order. I don't want to do it, but it's the only way forward.

told ds1 today that daddy still loves him but isn't coming back. I am gutted for him, but this is the best way to keep him safe in the long run.

a lot has happened this week, I've had fantastic support from my friends and I feel like the scales are falling from my eyes.

I don't think the boys and I will be able to stay in this house in the long run, because we can't afford it, but I'll apply for occupancy in the short term while I look at all the options. I am probably going to be a single mum on benefits

this is hard, but I will get through it, and have been so humbled and blessed by the support of friends. like I said before, putting safe walls around my children is the most important thing here.

Glad you are being proactive about protecting yourself and the children.

You sound much stronger and decisive. :)

It is sad for everyone, particularly the children, but your DS knows why dad can't come back and you are showing him what to do when someone assaults you. Great mum stuff.
You will be ok.

sounds like things are starting to come together

well done in standing firm