dh hit me, I called the police, and nobody has come. ..

[greenbananas]

Just that really. My 6 year old told me I must call the police. This was a couple of hours ago. He stayed up as long as he could, but is now sleeping.

I don't know what I am going to say to the police if / when they come.

Look I was in your DS position at five I remember it all. I am nc with my Mother over her pathetic and selfish behaviour. I would like to see you sort out allergy picnic food and get out of there.

You don't get the non-molestation order from the police, it's from the court.
Op, please get him out. This isn't normal in a relationship and it isn't fair on you. It especially isn't fair on your kids.

You go to a solicitor and sort out the order tomorrow. You phone parents of the children you care for and let them know tomorrow is off you will explain when you see them. When waiting for solicitor you sort ss etc and make sure your dc do not hear these phone calls.

I can't take the dcs out to eat or to a hotel, , because of the food allergies. Also, I have no money, not a bean, our overdraft is maxed out. ds1 has a hospital appointment on Wednesday in a city 60 miles away, and either I need dh to drive us, or leave at 5am and borrow the train fare from somebody. I can't think about any of this right now, I need to sleep so that I can begin sorting everything out and making some decisions tomorrow.

Op, have you got a real life friend who can support you? You need to plan carefully what you are going to do rather than make any rash decisions.

You need to protect your children from this. I'm shocked by what I'm reading, tbh.

SS will take a dim view of your husband being there now after he hit you in front of your children.

Put them first and kick him out. I'm sad for your little boy that he had to witness this. Why take the risk of it happening again?

You borrow money for hospital and you make up picnic food today like you will Wednesday for a day at hospital.

Op, what do you think you will tell the police when they get in touch with you?

Not removing him from your house will cause unecessary upset though. I hope you do it.

folks, please understand that I have nowhere to go! and sorting out that much allergy picnic food at short notice is no joke. We are safe here tonight, aaskednd am going to talk to social services at 9am tomorrow.

Oh dear, I'm getting defensive now. ..I don't mean to be, and I do realise why people are telling me to get out now. But it's honestly not possible. I asked dh to stay at his parents for a few days while I think and he said no he wouldn't!

Stop asking him to leave op it's dangerous. Go to the park visit an old relative till late tonight get out of the house wit the children, don't sit there waiting for the next explosion.

You could go to a refuge. They would help you. Even with the food issue.

Do his parents know what he's done ? That he hit his wife in front of your children ?

Do you want to leave, OP? If you had somewhere to go would you leave?

Does your husband know you called the police?

Actually it's probably best not to involve yourself with his parents at all. Ignore that.

nickynacky, I remember from a previous thread that you are a police officer.

I'll tell them exactly what happened, is that right? I don't know what else to do, even though it makes me look pretty bad as well as dh. I'm scared of what's going to happen next, but suspect there's no getting out of it now! I can't change my mind, the deed of reporting is done and I am going to have to face the consequences. I know that something needed to happen anyway. ... Once dc have witnessed violence, I certainly can't brush it under the carpet and pretend to them that it's okay.

There won't be an explosion tonight, honestly! and I have nowhere to go! !!! literally nowhere.

a refuge couldn't possibly help with the food. ds1 can react on skin contact to traces of allergens, and his diet is so complicated and time consuming to prepare that I get middle rate dla for him. I need to stay here. dh is here now, and everything is calm. If I start stirring things up again today, things may not stay calm, and I am trying to keep the children safe here until tomorrow when I can take advice!

greenbananas the only person that looks bad is your h, not you. And you are exactly right in what you say, the ball has started rolling and you need to go with it. For your benefit, your sons and also your job. Your son has to see that there is consequences to that behaviour, especially when he has been scared enough to want the police to come x

I do think you should ask for this to be moved to Relationships, OP. There are people there who can give you good advice who've been through similar situations.

What did Women's Aid recommend you do next? Did you explain to them that this is an ongoing thing? DV normally escalates, it doesn't tend to stop. That's why people are telling you that you need to make your DH move out in order to protect yourself and your children. There is no excuse for what he's done, and he needs to go.

It also sounds like you are financially vulnerable - do you have a joint account with your DH or do you have separate money? Is the house you live in yours? You should make sure all of your paperwork is together.

Sweetheart you don't need to leave, but you do need to get an Occupation Order (part of the sane raft of legislation as a Non-Mol Order), to get him out. Not only will this help to keep you and the children safe, and send a very clear message to DH that this will not be tolerated, but SS and Ofsted will also look favourably on it. Best of luck.

Kirjava, yes he does know I called the police.

And does he knows that it's not the end of the story? I know this thread is starting to sound like a broken record, but please be careful.

The reason I ask is my friend's boyfriend followed much the same pattern of violence as your husband. He'd get drunk, they'd argue, he'd become angry, hit her and the next day be remorseful and make promises and everything would go back to the way it was. It was when he'd hit her in front of her two children, and he'd busted up her living room before leaving, that she called the police.

He returned the next day as normal, but once he realised she'd reported him there was no more 'remorse', he was angry, became violent and he had to be removed by police.

Bullies don't like it when you 'dob them in'. It changes the power dynamic and it upsets them.

Sorry love but i can see where this is going.
this will happen over and over again, ever few months then every few weeks to every few days until you either snap or die.
You will leave with bags or in a bag and that is your choice.
the only thing you are at fault of is not protecting your children from this man,
I know i sound like a bitch. It is hard, but this isn't about you anymore.
think of your children. Your 6 YEAR OLD told you to call the police on his daddy. how does this make you feel?
I grew up watching my mother get beat from pillar to post every so often. The one thing it did for me was make me get the fuck out when my ex punched me in the throat so hard i hit the door behind, the doorhandle cracking one of my ribs. I was pregnant at the time (Still am)
GET OUT. HE WILL NOT CHANGE.

Your children do not need to go through this and neither will you, sadly i can already see that you will not leave.

Blackout I think that's a bit unfair.

This is obviously an emotive issue. But OP has reported, she intends to contact SS and is looking into non mol orders.

She's hardly ignoring the issue.

(I'm trying to ignore the couple of posters who feel I have psychological problems and a drink problem!)

yes I was decidedly tipsy last night, and I'm not defending that, not at all! I was not so incapable that I was relying on a six year old to be my carer!

It certainly sounds like that from your first post...

Just that really. My 6 year old told me I must call the police. This was a couple of hours ago. He stayed up as long as he could, but is now sleeping.

He stayed up as long as he could? Caring role. He told you to call the police? Decision making role. The police found you drunk? Maybe then, you were?

You might not like how I interpreted your first posts but I don't think I'm wrong in saying that a six year old should not be in this position. I take it you agree.

I do not blame you for him being in this position but given his father can't be relied upon to protect his interests, it is your responsibility to ensure it doesn't happen again.

Thirty years ago, I was your ds. I remember everything with absolute clarity. Apologies and explanations after the fact don't diminish the experience of witnessing domestic violence. Nothing does but never having to witness it again or be in fear of it happening again helps, somewhat.

Good luck with the various services you will be contacting tomorrow.