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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

dh hit me, I called the police, and nobody has come. ..

202 replies

greenbananas · 17/01/2015 23:38

Just that really. My 6 year old told me I must call the police. This was a couple of hours ago. He stayed up as long as he could, but is now sleeping.

I don't know what I am going to say to the police if / when they come.

OP posts:
Ziggyzoom · 18/01/2015 00:59

I said it, you were right. Whether you have depression is irrelevant. Whether you have drunk a bottle of wine is also irrelevant. You should not have been fobbed off. Did they ask you to provide a statement? What did you tell them had happened?

You don't have to answer my questions by the way, I'm just disappointed in how you have been treated.

CantBeBotheredThinking · 18/01/2015 01:01

You were right to call the police. Thanks

mommy2ash · 18/01/2015 01:01

What exactly happened op you don't seem in a Good or healthy place right now and it's worrying all this is going on in front of a six year old. I would try get some rest and tomorrow take stock of the situation and decide how you get you and your children somewhere safe. how old are your other children

Dragonfly71 · 18/01/2015 01:04

You did the right thing, no question. Can you go to friends/ relatives first thing tomorrow? As being alone with him if he comes back isn't a good idea.Remember that there is never an ok reason for him to resort to violence. This is not your fault. The police will now have a record of what happened and if he comes back call them again. I really hope you and your dc can get some help.

Coyoacan · 18/01/2015 01:05

Hitting someone in their own house is a serious crime, IMHO. And you are being perfectly coherent on here. Of course you were right to call the police, unfortunately they may have been lovely but they don't seem to have been up to the job.

AmantesSuntAmentes · 18/01/2015 01:05

Call the police in the morning, after some rest. Ask to speak to a superior wrt tonights incident. Ask them what their procedure is in cases of DV and why you a) had to wait so long and b) were not helped in any way.

Their reaction is completely wrong and you have done the right thing in involving them. They now need to act appropriately.

Please also call women's aid, maybe even before the police. It sounds as though you could do with their advice and support.

Gruntfuttock · 18/01/2015 01:11

I'm bemused that it seems to be your 6 yr old son who is telling you what to do and now you're worried what you are going to tell him in the morning. You said that he stayed up as long as he could. He's 6! You're the adult here.

JoanHickson · 18/01/2015 01:11

My concern is the police will produce something to ss, school, he etc stating your a drunk who is all over the place and mentally ill. This will be taken by other agencies as an accurate assessment and could impact your family getting correct help. You would think it's easier to arrest your DH. I have known this done to two people by the same force. Just get some support.

Original poster
greenbananas · 18/01/2015 01:24

Yes, I'm more than a bit concerned about the police filing a statement which says I am drunk (I blatantly am!) I live in a neighbourhood which has more than its fair share of social problems, and am worried about being judged.

To make things more complicated, I am a childminder. My husband works long hours, and is never in contact with the children I care for, but I do worry about this wrecking my livelihood. ....

Oh dear, I am not making much sense tonight, and am feeling really quite freaked out. I wish I knew where dh is. .. and yet there's a part of me that just doesn't care and hopes he never comes back!

I don't know what to tell my six year old... The two year old will be oblivious and just think that daddy has gone to work.

OP posts:
LedditGo · 18/01/2015 01:26

You absolutely did the right thing by calling the police.

The way you have said that the two officers handled the incident sounds wrong to me. You were reporting an assault, you having depression or any medical condition is not a mitigating factor. Nor is having a drink.

Has the assault left a mark on you anywhere?

Get to a doctor tomorrow. Yes I know it's a Sunday but call NHS direct or whatever they're called now and find anywhere that's open. Get your injuries examined and documented.

Call the police back and ask what their DV policy is and to explain why you were given no help or support.

You are in the right bananas.

LedditGo · 18/01/2015 01:26

You absolutely did the right thing by calling the police.

The way you have said that the two officers handled the incident sounds wrong to me. You were reporting an assault, you having depression or any medical condition is not a mitigating factor. Nor is having a drink.

Has the assault left a mark on you anywhere?

Get to a doctor tomorrow. Yes I know it's a Sunday but call NHS direct or whatever they're called now and find anywhere that's open. Get your injuries examined and documented.

Call the police back and ask what their DV policy is and to explain why you were given no help or support.

You are in the right bananas.

bedelia · 18/01/2015 01:26

OP, the Police ladies may have been doing a risk assessment to ensure the safety of you and your DCs (hence asking questions about depression, and possibly other things which may or may not seem related). Of course you're "all over the place" - this has been an incredibly stressful night for you. Did they ask anything else, such as whether this has happened before?

Please don't feel as though you have wasted Police time, you haven't! If he comes back, keep those doors locked and call 999, no hesitation!

I concur, it would be very good for you to call Women's Aid for their invaluable advice and support, whatever you choose to do as a result of tonight's events.

Sending hugs Flowers

JoanHickson · 18/01/2015 01:34

Get some help from WA and a good friend. I would also visit your GP and HV, and discuss events.

Tell your dc you love them it's not their fault and the adults are sorting things.

msgrinch · 18/01/2015 02:20

ate you ok? have the police come? If not where abouts are you?

sliceofsoup · 18/01/2015 02:30

It certainly sounds like the police think that you being drunk explains this or makes it ok.

Not good. You have been assaulted, you are now upset and drunk and in charge of two young children. The police should not have left you or them in such a vulnerable situation.

Its shocking.

TheMaddHugger · 18/01/2015 03:04

(((((Hugs))))

You did the right thing in calling.

the officers that attended need to be put into more training.

sadly I find Women Police officers to be the most judgmental when should be supportive

CattyCatCat · 18/01/2015 03:20

Fucking hell, OP. You poor woman. You've been hit and those police twats are not taking it seriously because you're a bit drunk. Well, guess what? Drunk people get murdered too and, fuck me, they're in the shit if your cold, 'drunk', body is found dead in the morning. Wine gives no invincibility to domestic violence last time I checked...Hmm
Please don't feel bad for calling the police. You deserve protecting as much as the next person. I hope that the night is calm and that tomorrow you will take steps to erase the twat man from your life xx

Linskibinski · 18/01/2015 03:47

Those police twats? Really? Classy Hmm

IAmAllImportant · 18/01/2015 05:27

The police cannot take a statement from someone who is clearly drunk! The OP was not in immediate danger!

I am not sure what people expected them to do!

AnotherGirlsParadise · 18/01/2015 05:53

I've also found women police officers to be less than sympathetic - maybe they've never been in a DV situation personally and don't understand how a woman could put up with it. The men are always much more gentle and the ones I've dealt with in the past were unbelievably kind.

I don't want to scare you OP, as you did the right thing, but don't be surprised if you get some contact from SS in the next few days - it seems to be standard procedure when a child has been present during an incident of DV. It does NOT mean they're going to hound you. They tend to look more favourably upon women who remove their children from the situation, so you might have to think long and hard about whether you should be in this relationship anymore. Personally, I think you should be well out of it.

Have some Flowers and please feel free to PM me if you'd like a chat x

maras2 · 18/01/2015 07:09

Agree with contacting WA this morning also keep posting here.Such a lot of knowledgable women available to help with emotions as well as practicalities.

crazylady12 · 18/01/2015 08:09

When my partner hit me because he left the house they came out hours later I was annoyed they should of left it til the morning because they didn't even take a statement I told them to sod off when they came back at 5pm the next evening

msgrinch · 18/01/2015 08:15

Thinking of you op. Please call women's aid today for some advice.

makesomenoise · 18/01/2015 08:20

The police will make a referral to social services and they said they would make a referral to the local DV support. What else could be done when the perpetrator wasn't present? They cannot take a statement from the OP when she was under influence so she will be contacted in next few days to do this and decide to press charges or not. Really, what else could be done.
You did the right thing to call the police. It's what you choose to do next that will matter most.

LumpenproletariatAndProud · 18/01/2015 08:27

Are you ok this morning OP?