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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I disgust my dp

299 replies

Imsogross · 13/01/2015 23:29

I've name changed for this so I hope it works.

Dp doesn't really seem interested in sex or any form of intimacy with me. We had sex 5 times last year.

New Year's Eve he told me he was going to make the effort and we had sex. Because I'm so used to never doing it I feel like I don't know what I'm doing. So my confidence is very low.

Tonight dp thought it was funny to tell me that when we had sex I stank. I don't understand how I could have? I had just got out of the shower and I'm a very clean person.

I certainly wouldn't let him near me if I did smell. He laughed at me and watched as my face crumbled.

I feel so ashamed and disgusted with myself. I have put weight on and I'm now 9st which he hates. He likes to tell me I'm overweight too.

I'm so upset and humiliated Sad

OP posts:
tipsytrifle · 16/01/2015 13:04

Imsostrong's Freedom Quilt. Love that! It's worth a blog too, I'd have thought!

uglyswan · 16/01/2015 13:05

strong, I'm having a blast reading your posts here - I did a fistpump when I heard you'd left. Really made my day! And not attention seeking at all! What are fat quarts?

BuzzardBird · 16/01/2015 13:07

You don't at all. Good luck with your quilting.

ptumbi · 16/01/2015 13:30

That's great SoStrong! (Also no idea what fat quarts are)

I would also suggest getting hold of some all of his clothes and cutting them up to incorporate into your freedom quilt. Has he got any designer stuff......? Grin

highlighta · 16/01/2015 14:04

I have just read the thread, and like other posters have said, this is the most heartbreaking thread that i have read. I am sitting here in shock that someone can treat someone else, the way he has treated you.

What he has put you through, is not normal OP. Life isn't supposed to be like that. But you now can change this, not only for you, but for the lives of your dc.

YOu have done the hardest thing, packing some things and leaving. You don't have to ever go back.

I can read from your posts that you are scared and nervous. But need support from those around you, your mum and friends, you can move on.

I also don't know what fat quarts are, but well done for moving forward, something you want to do for YOU.

Although its rather unmumsnetty, but i would love nothing more than to come over to you and give you a big fat hug!!

Flowers = so these will have to do for now Grin

tinklykeys · 16/01/2015 14:49

You definitely are not attention seeking. I imagine the outpouring of support and solidarity you have received here is not what you are used to, and so you are wondering if you've accidentally been manipulating us by 'attention seeking'.

You have not.

You deserve encouragement and support. You deserve your freedom. You deserve to be listened to. You have been lied to for years but now it's time for the truth to set you free (as another poster said earlier I think). That freedom quilt will be amazing, please post a picture when you're done.

ElephantsAndMiasmas · 16/01/2015 18:12

OP sorry I'm a bit late to the thread but I just wanted to come on and say well done, I'msosotrong!!!

I know the weekend might be harder with the kids etc, but just do one day at a time and stay away from home. You CAN do it. I bet if you don't laugh unless the Twat laughs, your kids have picked up on it and don't feel free to laugh and joke either. It's like a dictatorship. Your kids deserve so much more than worrying that if they laugh at the wrong time, something horrible will happen. You can free them from that fear by something as simple as staying at your mums, for now.

ElephantsAndMiasmas · 16/01/2015 18:13

Sorry about my typos! :)

Imsostrong · 16/01/2015 18:17

My best mate is taking me out for a drink tonight. I'm really excited Smile

AcrossthePond55 · 16/01/2015 18:20

What Is a Fat Quarter? How Big is a Fat Quarter?

A fat quarter is a one-fourth yard cut of fabric that (usually) measures 18" x 22" instead of the typical 9" x 44" quarter-yard cut. The longest side's dimension will vary if your fabric is not 44" wide.

I had to google it! I don't quilt. I thought maybe it was a big old quart of full fat ice cream Grin but that didn't make sense!

have fun tonight!

ElephantsAndMiasmas · 16/01/2015 18:33

Ahhh have a lovely time! :)

If you see anyone you know who is a Twat or Twatfriend, just pretend they are 1mm tall and therefore invisible from where you are sitting!

I wouldn't mind a "big old quart of full fat ice cream" right now... (which is probably why I weigh about 3 stone more than the OP, and yet no-one has ever told me I smell, and I get asked out regularly by perfectly normal, nice men, because I've had the good luck not to be victimised by an inadequate bloke)

Can I ask, is Twat older than you? So often with abusers they seem to pick someone weaker, smaller and younger than them, usually underage.

Have you spoken to your mum about him? Agree with something simple like "He makes my life a misery, and I need to get away".

MrsMinton · 16/01/2015 18:34

Have a great time imso Smile

supersop60 · 16/01/2015 18:39

You don't have to tell anyone - it's your business. However, he sounds vile and abusive, please leave him. CAB will give you advice about leaving, you don't have to tell them why. Life is too short to put up with this rubbish.

tipsytrifle · 16/01/2015 19:50

Have a fantastic freedom evening Imsostrong. Do NOT get caught up in late texting with him no matter what state you're in!

Lweji · 16/01/2015 20:38

So often with abusers they seem to pick someone weaker, smaller and younger than them, usually underage.

The exact opposite also happens, actually.

FrancesNiadova · 16/01/2015 20:43

He doesn't deserve you.
You write like a bright, witty, woman.
You have lots going for you
Don't be squashed by this inadequate man any more.
I'm glad that you've left, have a great evening out.
Believe in yourself. Flowers

Imsostrong · 17/01/2015 01:44

I had a wonderful night out. I had a Malibu and it went straight to my head. It was so refreshing to dress up and look nice for once ??

Thank you all from the bottom of my heart for being there for me Flowers

Imsostrong · 17/01/2015 01:56

Sounds daft but I'm sat up at nearly 2am sorting my debts.
I have such hope and I can't wait to start living!
I had a little cry before but apart from that I feel great. I think it hasn't hit me yet

Coyoacan · 17/01/2015 04:39

Great that you had a good night out.

You'll be up and down for a while yet, OP, just ride it when you feel down, don't let it make you doubt yourself, you're on the right track

CheerfulYank · 17/01/2015 05:43

Oh honey.

What an asshole he is. You've been with him since you were just a kid, right? So this really is all you've ever known.

I'm so glad you're getting out. Please stay gone!

I have a friend who has a quilt shop and the quilts are real art, so creative and beautiful! Keep at it!

CrazyCatLady13 · 17/01/2015 10:34

Just wanted to say well done - I'm so pleased that you left and are staying strong!

There's a really good website called vision2learn where you can sign up for free courses that give you a qualification at the end of it. It takes a couple of hours a week (whatever time of day you like) for about a month, and the tutor support is great. You can do things like healthy eating, administration, IT etc. I've done a couple and they're really great!

Wishing you the best of everything as you move forward in your new, free life!

tipsytrifle · 17/01/2015 12:50

I have such hope and I can't wait to start living!

What a beautiful assertion of YOU-ness! Happy Saturday Imsostrong Flowers

53Dragon · 17/01/2015 13:47

Imsostrong just wanted to say a HUGE 'well done'. I recently went on a day-long course about domestic abuse and violence. Each victim feels that they are unique, stupid, it's not happening to anyone else etc. Very few break free - they keep going back. Do be careful to keep your EX (how good does that sound?) at a distance - don't meet him alone etc. These disgusting men are at their most dangerous when you leave. Think about any threats he has made about what he would do if you left him - about half of abusers will carry them out so you need to make sure that he has no opportunity.

Your HA will deal with these situations on a daily basis - it's so much more common than most people realise. Do be aware that you need to present your facts calmly and dispassionately if you can (sounds as though you're more than capable of it). Any accounts from witnesses (eg your no ring story) or other evidence will help you. People do very occasionally make spurious claims so the HA has to make sure that your situation is genuine. They will tend to believe you but don't be upset if they have to dig a bit - it's nothing personal.
And NEVER let that vile creature back into your life - you're a witty, intelligent woman with the rest of your life ahead of you. Of course you'll grieve - it's been a long reletionship - but you're well rid Thanks

Imsostrong · 17/01/2015 23:10

Thank you all! Dd has been playing Taylor swift shake it off all day. She said it's my song Smile

Lweji · 18/01/2015 10:00

It's a great song. :)

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