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DH is a bit Girly/Disorganised - Anyone Else Have One of these?

473 replies

JessieJJJ · 31/12/2014 11:16

...and how to cope, because its driving me mad?

This week for example, we went to the cinema, I booked the tickets, but it was a new cinema and we couldn't find it. This was after a minor drama where he lost his jacket. So we were wandering about the town, looking for it. He wouldn't ask anyone, so I had to approach 3 passers by to ask for directions, but by then he had wandered off. He wouldn't answer his phone so by the time he eventually stumbled across it, we had missed the first 40 minutes of the film.

Then after the film had ended, he had lost his car keys in the cinema. Fortunately someone had handed them in, but not before we had searched the entire cinema and I had been accused of "taking them".

We then went away in the car for a couple of days. I was going to book the first night's accommodation in a hotel but he asked me not to, as he didnt' want to be tied down. So I ended up paying nearly double to stay in the very same hotel as the on the door price was more expensive than the internet. I said he could do the accommodation for the second night, but we couldn't find anywhere, and were driving around for about 3 hours looking. A lot of places were closed and eventually we only found somewhere by pulling up at a tourist information board, me phoning various numbers on my phone and getting someone to open up a self catering apartment. DH's phone had ran out of power so he couldnt' do any phoning. He then sulked for most of the next day because he ended up paying £100 to stay in a self catering apartment for one night - he literally wouldn't speak to me or answer any questions until about 3pm.

We took it in turns to drive home, neither of us like Tom Toms but I am very good at map reading, so I gave him good directions when he was driving. As soon as we swapped, he gave me several wrong directions involving lengthy detours off the motorway into small villages, etc.. Even when we were visiting an attraction, he stood next to a massive sign saying "Exit" and announced "I'm really lost now, I can't find my way out".

He works as an engineer so should be quite practical, and he is only 45...but he seems to specialise in putting things on upside down or the wrong way round, you would think the law of change would mean he would be wrong maybe only 50% of the time but no, he bucks that trend. If you say "take the first exit at the roundabout" he is more likely to randomly take the third exit, if you say "go left" you cannot trust him not to go right.

It might sound funny but its actually incredibly stressful for me, as if I don't keep a constant watch on him, he might wander off and get lost. And driving in the dark and heavy rain late at night looking for a way back to the motorway isn't much fun. But he's quite rude with it?

OP posts:
badbaldingballerina123 · 03/01/2015 19:42

Yonic I couldn't care less where the word hysteria originates from. To me it means someone who is extremely emotionally upset. It's not a gender issue and I think it absurd to pick holes in what someone is saying in order to score a point for sexism. Sexism is an issue when you get paid less or more than the opposite sex .Sexism is an issue when you are discriminated against because of your gender. Sexism isn't about pouncing on someone for describing someone as girly or saying hysterical.

It's my view that when someone has to work that hard to try to prove an absurd point about sexism there really isn't a point to make.

It's sad that people are more concerned about the use of the word girly than they are about helping the Op. If this is feminism then I want no part of it. Some of these responses are simply abusive and the Op has been a lot politer than I would have been.

It is really an act of feminism to tell a woman she obviously hates women and girls ?

ralgex · 03/01/2015 20:03

Another great post, Badbald. I couldn't agree more. It is really putting feminism on its head and making it utterly ridiculous, and - more to the point - sadistic towards women in distress.

GallicShrug · 03/01/2015 20:11

Thank you for telling us what sexism is, Balding. As a woman and a feminist, I'm sure I had no idea!

"If this is feminism then I want no part of it." - Clearly.

I'm pleased to see Jessie has retracted her 'girly' statement, ralgex, and can see what the problem was. This makes her a better person, in my view, than one who jumps all over threads for the purpose of belittling selected feminist posters.

Vivacia · 03/01/2015 20:12

Ah, "True Feminism" is when we only worry about...

ralgex · 03/01/2015 20:13

You think that was my purpose, Gallic?

ralgex · 03/01/2015 20:17

In the 1980s there were conscious-raising groups which helped feminists develop self-awareness, which was considered essential.

Self-awareness seems to be what's lacking here, as well as attributing to other women all sorts of thoughts which they are not in any way thinking or expressing. So absolute denial, as well as utter lack of self-awareness.

Possibly some reading would help, or some sessions with Susie Orbach.

GallicShrug · 03/01/2015 20:48

Some sessions with Susie Orbach?? Has she moved to my town and set up a free practice? Confused I'd love that!

badbaldingballerina123 · 03/01/2015 21:56

Gallic I don't care what gender you are or whether your a feminist or not. The nipicking and hostility about a particular word is ridiculous. I've seen threads that detail horrific abuse towards women that hasn't attracted even one tenth of the hostility that this thread has.

Why don't you save your outrage for something much more serious.

SmillasSenseOfSnow · 03/01/2015 22:06

Can you provide us with a detailed list of 'feminist issues' in order of seriousness, balding? Preferably with a clearly marked cut-off line so we can see exactly what is serious enough to object to and what isn't, and what would be the most sensible order of issues to worry our pretty little heads over.

stayanotherday · 03/01/2015 23:47

I don't blame for leaving op it's turned horrible. I have had people like this and I stopped bothering as it got too much like hard work. I'm in work all day and want to make the most of things instead of messing about. People like this end up lonely and wonder why nobody bothers with them.

PerpetualStudent · 04/01/2015 00:23

"People like this end up lonely and wonder why nobody bothers with them." - um, no. I think people like this (me) end up in functioning relationships where they are able to communicate and are appreciated and respected because they haven't internalised the notion of womanhood as inherently inferior. Rather than, say, standing alone in a cinema.

But that said, I agree this thread has been massively derailed and don't blame the OP for heading off.

GallicShrug · 04/01/2015 01:21

Ralgex, medear, I was there :)

badbaldingballerina123 · 04/01/2015 01:38

I'm afraid I can't provide you with a list smillas as unfortunately I can't be arsed . There's some people on here who's veiws on feminism and sexism I really respect . But your not on of them.

Pretty little heads ? Snort.

senvet · 04/01/2015 01:50

OK I feel your pain. My husband is very scatty
-forgot the tickets and currency for a trip
-forgot his passport and I drove it to Gatwick

  • turned up at one London airport with a boarding pass for a different one
-loses lots of stuff and cannot see it in front of him BUT
  • certainly doesn't always focus on his surrounding to spot when someone is struggling

Just had DD assessed and she has exceptionally low working memory and does equally scatty things, so I have 2 of them in the house

They both find getting through the day is exhausting because it takes so much more effort to get to the admin right. They both choose a way that they can manage and prefer not to have to adjust it as their memories do not really hold the two alternative. Also they are both a bit low on self-esteem, so I get on the end of some of the short temper

Given the similarities between yours and mine, I would guess some SEN going on. If so, however maddening, he may not be able to help a lot of the things you complain of.

Not sure where to point to you on this. If he is willing to be assessed to understand how his brain works it could be very enlightening.

senvet · 04/01/2015 01:53

Oh and the 'hurting' more easily than others could be related to borderline ASD as could the failing to see you struggling with shopping, or understanding easily how you feel.

Just a thought

FloraFox · 04/01/2015 03:16

Ralgex I think you have very much missed the point about consciousness raising. Discussing sexist language and the effect it has on women's perceptions of themselves and men's attitudes towards women was a big part of consciousness raising. I think it would be good to have new versions of those sessions.

badbaldingballerina123 · 04/01/2015 03:53

Smillas I'm not really sure what you hoped to gain from your pretty little heads comment. Making a random stereo Typical male comment about women has achieved nothing. It doesn't strengthen your point in any way and the implication that I was implying something like that is offensive.

How absurd that someone arguing sexism resorts to making sexist comments about themselves in a bizarre effort to prove a point. While your busy arguing sexism be sure to throw in a insult to men. Because ALL men think you shouldn't worry your pretty little head about such things . That's a sexist comment if ever I heard one.

ralgex · 04/01/2015 11:43

FloraFox, by all means think whatever you like. But you are wrong. Consciousness-raising might enable feminists on this thread to concede that sometimes your own thoughts might be askew, and another woman's just might be closer to reality, and more progressive.

gracielooloo · 04/01/2015 12:12

Good God she's asking for advice! Yes she possibly chose the wrong wording but we're not all perfect.
No advice OP but a little bit of support from here!

Vivacia · 04/01/2015 12:15

Yes she possibly chose the wrong wording but we're not all perfect.

As has repeatedly been said, all she had to do was apologise. She refused to do this.

Twinklestein · 04/01/2015 12:19

Apologise? What on earth are you talking about?

The OP has to apologise for non-pc wording? Seriously?

That's not how this advice lark works, if you think it is, then advice not for you.

Vivacia · 04/01/2015 12:28

The OP has to apologise for non-pc wording? Seriously?

Yes, in my experience people generally are expected to apologise for saying things that are non-PC, such as darkie, poof, paki.

FloraFox · 04/01/2015 12:30

Seriously ralgex are you suggesting that using "girly" to describe negative traits in a man and saying you are taking on the man's role in a relationship because you are organised is in any way progressive? Get a grip.

ArsenicFaceCream · 04/01/2015 12:30

people generally are expected to apologise for saying things that are non-PC, such as darkie, poof, paki.

Political correctness gone MAD!!!