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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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DH is a bit Girly/Disorganised - Anyone Else Have One of these?

473 replies

JessieJJJ · 31/12/2014 11:16

...and how to cope, because its driving me mad?

This week for example, we went to the cinema, I booked the tickets, but it was a new cinema and we couldn't find it. This was after a minor drama where he lost his jacket. So we were wandering about the town, looking for it. He wouldn't ask anyone, so I had to approach 3 passers by to ask for directions, but by then he had wandered off. He wouldn't answer his phone so by the time he eventually stumbled across it, we had missed the first 40 minutes of the film.

Then after the film had ended, he had lost his car keys in the cinema. Fortunately someone had handed them in, but not before we had searched the entire cinema and I had been accused of "taking them".

We then went away in the car for a couple of days. I was going to book the first night's accommodation in a hotel but he asked me not to, as he didnt' want to be tied down. So I ended up paying nearly double to stay in the very same hotel as the on the door price was more expensive than the internet. I said he could do the accommodation for the second night, but we couldn't find anywhere, and were driving around for about 3 hours looking. A lot of places were closed and eventually we only found somewhere by pulling up at a tourist information board, me phoning various numbers on my phone and getting someone to open up a self catering apartment. DH's phone had ran out of power so he couldnt' do any phoning. He then sulked for most of the next day because he ended up paying £100 to stay in a self catering apartment for one night - he literally wouldn't speak to me or answer any questions until about 3pm.

We took it in turns to drive home, neither of us like Tom Toms but I am very good at map reading, so I gave him good directions when he was driving. As soon as we swapped, he gave me several wrong directions involving lengthy detours off the motorway into small villages, etc.. Even when we were visiting an attraction, he stood next to a massive sign saying "Exit" and announced "I'm really lost now, I can't find my way out".

He works as an engineer so should be quite practical, and he is only 45...but he seems to specialise in putting things on upside down or the wrong way round, you would think the law of change would mean he would be wrong maybe only 50% of the time but no, he bucks that trend. If you say "take the first exit at the roundabout" he is more likely to randomly take the third exit, if you say "go left" you cannot trust him not to go right.

It might sound funny but its actually incredibly stressful for me, as if I don't keep a constant watch on him, he might wander off and get lost. And driving in the dark and heavy rain late at night looking for a way back to the motorway isn't much fun. But he's quite rude with it?

OP posts:
Drumdrum60 · 02/01/2015 13:33

No. Puerile is not sexist. Ridiculous.

badbaldingballerina123 · 02/01/2015 14:19

I find the objections to the word girly ridiculous. It's quite obvious what the Op meant. Mumsnet is one of the most sexist sites I've ever been on.

What's ironic about my comment yonic ? Do you presume the word hysteria is used only about women ? I've seen plenty of hysterical men as well. Funnily enough the sexist police are in my experience , the most sexist people around.

AnnieLobeseder · 02/01/2015 14:22

HTH, Bad.

Word Origin and History for hysterical Expand
adj.
1610s, from Latin hystericus "of the womb," from Greek hysterikos "of the womb, suffering in the womb," from hystera "womb" (see uterus). Originally defined as a neurotic condition peculiar to women and thought to be caused by a dysfunction of the uterus. Meaning "very funny" (by 1939) is from the notion of uncontrollable fits of laughter. Related: Hysterically.

Online Etymology Dictionary, © 2010 Douglas Harper

unlucky83 · 02/01/2015 14:26

I thought about puerile as I was trying to come up with a suitable equivalent to girly -and that made me think...
Ok I did study latin for O level ...so I do know what it means and I have occasionally used the word.

It is definitely male child-like - childish in a silly, foolish way - a stereotypical boy.
(For girl-like it would be Puella- ile - there is no confusion over the term for child!!! juvenile would actually be the non-gendered closest equivalent)
No different to the word girly really ...except fewer people know the origin...
Having thought more about this I guess the closest equivalent to girly would be childlike (not childish) even then I don't think it is quite the same....

ArsenicFaceCream · 02/01/2015 14:27

Puer and Puella were essentially gendered versions of the same word anyway, with Puer as the default (male, naturally Hmm) that Puerile grew from.

ralgex · 02/01/2015 14:28

Great post, Badbadbaldingballerina. Couldn't agree more. It makes so much sense to spend your time "fighting sexism" by viciously and unashamedly abusing a lone woman in distress because she's in a shit marriage, who has posted for help and support in haste. There is nothing more worthwhile or honourable for a feminist to do.

ArsenicFaceCream · 02/01/2015 14:29

But Infantile works as well as Puerile if you'd rather take your gender neutrality back milennia.

ArsenicFaceCream · 02/01/2015 14:30

millennia

Twinklestein · 02/01/2015 14:49

Thanks to BrainyMess for a really useful post, although I infer the OP has given up - quite understandably in the circumstances.

Twinklestein · 02/01/2015 14:50

The origin of the word hysteria is founded on the ancient concept of a 'wandering womb', but the contemporary meaning of a) exaggerated or uncontrolled emotion and b) a conversion disorder (ie psychosomatic disorder where psychological symptoms are converted into physical ones) - both these are equally applicable to and experienced by men as by women.

So, despite the word's sexist origins and the tendency of sexist men to use it to put down women - hysteria is manifested by both genders. I regard football fans as hysterical as Justin Bieber fans, perhaps more so as girls generally grow out of their teen fads.

I think hysteria was the correct term in the circumstances - a thread that has seen a ludicrous over-reaction to the word 'girly' used as a justification to bully the OP. If you're going to be a bitch - at least own it - being self-righteous about it is just rank hypocrisy.

Twinklestein · 02/01/2015 14:52

Quite ralgex

YonicSleighdriver · 02/01/2015 14:52

Bad, I have previously posted with advice to the OP without saying much about her phrasing

But it is ironic using a word that indicates the root of an emotional overeaction is the womb to criticise women criticising the use of girly. It amused me.

gamerchick · 02/01/2015 15:02

Man this thread has nearly every nook and cranny of mumsnet on one thread.

OP when the twilight music starts it's time to abandon thread as a bad un. Wink

gamerchick · 02/01/2015 15:03

*zone

Coyoacan · 02/01/2015 15:04

Maybe "girly" is a regional term. I honestly had never come across the term before and so it's literal meaning, that all these defects are characteristic of being a girl, is offensive.

ArsenicFaceCream · 02/01/2015 15:10

Well 'yer great big jessie/poof/big girl's blouse' is arguably regional too.

I'm not sure that constitutes a defence. Or even mitigation.

Coyoacan · 02/01/2015 16:42

I agree Arsenic. I'm just trying to understand why the OP used it and why some people are defending its use.

ArsenicFaceCream · 02/01/2015 16:45

Yes, I see. Sorry - losing track of who is arguing what Smile

Waltermittythesequel · 02/01/2015 17:07

Coyocan you always get these professionally unoffended types on these sorts of threads; trying to imply that a problem with every day sexism makes you less cool than them.

They can be found desperately trying to appease their parents by funding trips to lapdancing clubs and putting words like 'man' and 'dude' at the end of their sentences and vigorously defending the 'art' of porn.

Waltermittythesequel · 02/01/2015 17:08

*partners not parents!

Gfplux · 02/01/2015 17:11

Close this thread.

ralgex · 02/01/2015 17:15

I think it would be a great shame to close the thread, because there is a great deal of good advice on it concerning what to do if you are married to a partner with undiagnosed autism.

BrainyMess's post is particularly useful.

Some apologies are certainly due to the OP.

ArsenicFaceCream · 02/01/2015 17:17

That's a very imperious posting style you have there Gf Smile

Who are you addressing?

The report button might help you, but I wouldn't try talking to HQ in that tone, if I were you. They are scary with special powers.

ralgex · 02/01/2015 17:45

Clearly nowhere near scary enough.

ArsenicFaceCream · 02/01/2015 17:53

Oh ralgex crack a smile. It doesn't hurt.

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