I've just had to fix myself a stiff drink - I've been crying for about 30 minutes.
I feel convinced that I make my boyfriend angry, upset and that its something I do that makes him treat me the way he does.
On the one hand, I've never felt this loved before (when its good) but on the other, I don't think I've cried this much in my life.
I've always been very strong willed, would always stand up for myself and make it known when I'm not happy with someone. And I still do this to a point with my boyfriend, but he's just so over powering and aggressive vocally that I can't compete.
Typical example of a week in our lives - I'm happy, upbeat, being nice. He'll suddenly be in a mood and not want to see me, he has depression (but won't seek help or diagnosis) so my normal reaction of 'well thats shit, why?' is replaced by 'ok, hope you feel better' because I don't want to rock the boat.
Next day he'll get shirty with me or get annoyed with something I'm saying or doing and I'll simply say 'please don't talk to me like that' and he'll lose his mind with anger and start saying horrible things and again being so verbally aggressive and swearing, then will ignore me.
The whole time I don't understand what I've done to warrant such a reaction.
He says he wants to talk about us sometimes (issues and whatnot) but he can't because of the way I behave, that I'm argumentative. I'm not at all though? I don't talk in a delicate way or anything but I certainly don't yell or have an attitude.
The pattern seems to be - I start off not knowing what the problem is, then the problem turns out to be completely my fault, and then I come round to thinking its my fault and chase him to resolve it, and I get rejected.
The rational part of my brain says, you're wonderful and loving and extremely patient, it is him. But then the other part says well he can't be imagining it can he? Must be doing something to tick him off.
Feel like I'm going mad.
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Relationships
Is my boyfriend emotionally abusive or not in love?
notsureifitsme · 28/12/2014 21:06
SandyV I remember your thread. I felt sick then and I feel very sick now.
OMG notsosure, my ex is 20 years older than yours but I swear on all that is holy we could have been with the same person.
And that long text. Shudder.
Just to show you how much they fuck with your head: After I threw him out for good I got a Restraining Order (but only after being pushed to do it by a family member). The texts started making me feel like I was overreacting.
He fought the Order and we had to go to court.
He told the judge that as a trained actress I was playing the whole thing up! Luckily I still had kept many of his texts and emails so I could prove my case.
He even handed in reports from his doctors to support him! How the fuck ever?!
I had to wait two weeks for the Judge's decision ; and during this time, I felt certain the judge was going to cancel the Restraining Order because I must have overracted.
The RO is still in place - extended.
Reading through your post I kept yelling - no!! No! Don't answer. Not even to say 'get a life you fucking low life'. Turned out the crazy fucks just think 'she wrote back so she must still love me'.
Good luck. Stay strong. 
springydaffs, he was in a very bad car accident 3 years ago and suffered from a head injury. Although he was given the green light a few months later and was told to 'live his life as he always had' as he was lucky enough to completely recover, then coupled with his supposed 'depression' (which he never calls it) I spent a lot of time not taking his behaviour personally - I wrote it off as oh its because of this, or that - because it does seem so obvious to me that he has something very wrong with him. However in the last year or two I stopped making excuses for him which rocked the boat quite a lot as I'd been so chilled out before.
TheKhalisirules that sounds insane! What was the stuff from his doctor? That he was officially psycho? I think I would have thought exactly the same as you, that the judge would think you overreacted.
I still feel like I've overreacted. And I miss him. But I'm not thinking logically, I miss the good times, which were few and far between.
He's always butting heads with someone or someone is pissing him off. Ugh just badness can really rub off I think when you're around someone so much.
ceceCECE123 I hope you start a thread and get some helpful advice
notsosure I havent' seen the reports yet. My lawyer will send them to me after her holidays but I suppose they would have made him see harmless, wouldn't they? Why would they have sent them in support of him!
Take care and don't think you overreacted!
chattering I like that saying!
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