I've just had to fix myself a stiff drink - I've been crying for about 30 minutes.
I feel convinced that I make my boyfriend angry, upset and that its something I do that makes him treat me the way he does.
On the one hand, I've never felt this loved before (when its good) but on the other, I don't think I've cried this much in my life.
I've always been very strong willed, would always stand up for myself and make it known when I'm not happy with someone. And I still do this to a point with my boyfriend, but he's just so over powering and aggressive vocally that I can't compete.
Typical example of a week in our lives - I'm happy, upbeat, being nice. He'll suddenly be in a mood and not want to see me, he has depression (but won't seek help or diagnosis) so my normal reaction of 'well thats shit, why?' is replaced by 'ok, hope you feel better' because I don't want to rock the boat.
Next day he'll get shirty with me or get annoyed with something I'm saying or doing and I'll simply say 'please don't talk to me like that' and he'll lose his mind with anger and start saying horrible things and again being so verbally aggressive and swearing, then will ignore me.
The whole time I don't understand what I've done to warrant such a reaction.
He says he wants to talk about us sometimes (issues and whatnot) but he can't because of the way I behave, that I'm argumentative. I'm not at all though? I don't talk in a delicate way or anything but I certainly don't yell or have an attitude.
The pattern seems to be - I start off not knowing what the problem is, then the problem turns out to be completely my fault, and then I come round to thinking its my fault and chase him to resolve it, and I get rejected.
The rational part of my brain says, you're wonderful and loving and extremely patient, it is him. But then the other part says well he can't be imagining it can he? Must be doing something to tick him off.
Feel like I'm going mad.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Is my boyfriend emotionally abusive or not in love?
notsureifitsme · 28/12/2014 21:06
Thank you Paddleslowly 
He "can't believe what I've done to us".
Shall I share some of mine to give you strength?
From before I blocked him:
"I fought tooth and nail for you and I don't regret it. I know you're headstrong but why be like it with me? I only ever wanted the best for you"
'Headstrong' and 'Feisty' seem to only ever be used when referring to females
Headstrong was hilarious! He knows I'm headstrong but I shouldn't have that part of my personality around him? Brilliant.
He's just fucking emailed me as well! Can I block emails on apple based hardware does anyone know?
Sorry for the hijack but he leaves me be for a couple of days and then finds some new route for contact. It's fucking annoying as well as exhausting. Might start my own thread actually. Sorry OP.
No not in East Anglia AmonRa1 I'm in London 
I've had many times when I've just not been myself, and I've put on weight to boot!
Not heard from him, our mutual friend (who picked up his stuff and has known him since they were toddlers, known me for 4 years) said he thinks he's on his way to a mental breakdown, he's never seen him like this.
He went to the pub after work 2 days ago. Apparently got his wallet stolen the day before but went to his local anyway and let other people buy drinks for him from 6pm - midnight, there's always someone he knows there.
Mutual friend turned up at 11pm and knew the various people as well as him, and ex was another level of drunk, he had never seen him this way. Almost started a fight with someone etc etc, then went to work the next day.
This made me feel better, just because an outsider, one of his best friends no less, sees what has become of him, and I'm not imagining ex drinks too much and is mentally spiralling out of control.
He needs help, just not from me.
Helps so much to type out my thoughts to people that understand
Thanks tigermoll
I feel very sad and down today, I love him I really do, but the person I love isn't him anymore and I know that.
It's nice not to be on the receiving end of his mood swings and misery.
Might have been a bender the other night but I can imagine just how it was and how cringey, I know he's at that specific pub almost every night, on his own or with a mate briefly before the mate goes home. When I've gone with him he talks to the bar staff and I feel like their eyes are like 'god, not this guy again'.
Yes usually his self destructive behaviour would usually follow after a fight so I would naturally become concerned for him and not want to be 'mean' but I imagine there are plenty of nice men out there without these kinds of issues and would hate to see their girlfriend cry because they're shouting at them.
You will feel sad, you're grieving for the relationship you thought you had. He's on a self-destructive bender and there's nothing you can do about that, it's his choice. Tough though it is, you have to let him do it. You can't be his punch bag because he refuses to face up to his problems. We all have problems...
Hope you're feeling ok today
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
You're right, this is the first time I've left him to it - swooped in before to look after him or point him in the right direction.
I have always been his punchbag when he can't deal with his problems, he really needs to face them and perhaps hit rock bottom before he realises what he's lost and how he totally blew it. He's too stubborn for that though I think.
God I feel worse today, reality setting in I imagine!
Thinking those standard things:
If he just sorted himself out...
If he could just be the good side of him more often...
If he just went to therapy...
Too many if's!
Why do people that are miserable or hate themselves, project that on to people that care about them the most? If he had a bad day at work, our plans got cancelled? What do I have to do with his bad day at work? Doing something with him would have made a bad day better for me - but he retreats and does the negative thing.
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.