Alone and pregnant

[Natalie12341]

Am 25 weeks pregnant and I split with my boyfriend 12 days ago. And am a complete mess. Am struggling to eat some days I feel ok then bang am a complete mess. He says he will support me. But everytime I message him he never replys which makes me feel even worse.. I had hospital appointments last week he didn't show. We planned a lovely Christmas together so Christmas was quite hard for me.. I have an 8 year old son from a previous r/ship he hasn't really picked up on anything. But am just really struggling. He never texts or rings to ask how I am how can someone that loved me just totally blank me. Never have I felt pain like it. It's affecting my blood pressure and I feel like am always wanting to no what he's doing ect I feel like I will crack up if I carry on.,. It's making me depressed and I just don't no what to do please help

Hi I am 20 and 37 weeks pregnant. I got pregnant about 3 months into the relationship and everything seemed perfect, we were so in "love" it seemed and he was so happy about the baby. 5 months into the pregnancy the relationship began to change I could see he was stressed out and would seem grumpy all the time, almost like he wouldn't wana know me but it was on an off sometimes he would act fine and then other days I could feel him very distant... we would argue a lot about the silliest thing. one day after a quarrel like any other he suddenly stopped talking to me completely wouldn't pick up my calls, nothing. 3 weeks later I received a text from him saying that he's always gona be there for me n the baby but he thinks it's best he stays away from me and he will be distancing himself a lot more from now on. For 3 months we would talk on n off sometimes arguing, then sometimes I would ignore him completely and he would insist and then I'll give in an reply and we would talk nice and have a catch up and talk about everything that's happened in eachothers absence he would always contact me in especial occasions such as my birthday, Christmas, always saying he has a present for me or some sort of excuse for me to reply. one time we even agreed to meet in a hotel as one time we had a sexual conversation. Throughout the 3 months he was heavily partying and drinking a lot sometimes clubbing 3 days in a row etc, I knew that he was probably meeting a bunch of girls and imagined the worse as far as I thought. All of a sudden I found out he has a girlfriend I found out who the girl was and turns out she had been watching me on fb all this time and she knew who I was straight away when I spoke to her I ended up finding out that 2 weeks before he complete stopped talking to me he was seeing this girl and a week before completely cutting contact with me at first they was already dating, so he was cheating towards the end. I can understand that he must have wanted to end the relationship for a while with all the problems we was having but he wasn't even man enough to break up with me but still kept contact every now and again. the girl knew I was pregnant with his baby but he made me out to be a really horrible person and would say that I always try to contact him when in reality he always tried to get in contact with me. I feel so hurt and betrayed by someone I used to love soo much it's almost impossible to believe. the girl has told me everything even up to the worst detail. once I confronted him he told me he loves her etc and said a bunch of horrible things and would screen shot and send it to her as proof and was extremely angry with me saying all sorts of things. The girl is clearly in love with him because even once I told her everything n showed her proof she is still talking to him
n he is denying everything, she said that she wouldn't buy his lies but I think she's falling for everything he's telling her. I can't help but feel like crap and feel like I'm some side woman, he literally says everything he used to say to me to her in the exact same words. I'm so confused, lost, sad, depressed and feel so crap about myself because when I tell the girl about our relationship I feel like she likes to out do it. although our relationship moved very fast it was such a beautiful thing and we have plenty of nice memories, he really wanted this baby with me and said he
wanted a family even whilst being with her he would say to me that in 2017 I was gna have his next baby together or not. all of a sudden because now he knows me n this girl have contact he hates me and acts like he's completely in love with her but he was still saying all these nice things to me about 2 weeks ago. I don't know what to do I think the girl is going to forgive him despite everything, he is very good with his words always knows exactly what to say. It makes me feel as if I'm the other woman because that's how she makes it out be and all of a sudden I'm his worst enemy for ruining his relationship when all I did was tell her the truth. I really don't know how I will act when I see him again it's been so long for me and after everything I know I don't think I can face him, I could have this baby anytime soon and I don't wana deprive him of the child but he has done nothing for me or the baby I feel like he doesn't deserve anything from
me I feel so violated emotionally I'm destroyed. I don't know what to do anymore :'(

:( Alexandra I so feel for you right now I think he will be running back after you have this baby I really do. And as for her I wouldn't even get worried about it. If he don't want out to do with baby then it's his loose your gain. Keep yor chin up check inbox me Hun... I really think am going to struggle on Wednesday and I also think he will not try and contact me again now. Well after the weekend. I have a funny feeling he's seeing someone because this girls name keeps on comjng out the wood work and it's funny how someone can change so much. When this is happening it's happened as it's happened to me before. In the past. Xxx

I'm wide awake and laid here thinking about how I just don't understand these bloody men whatsoever! ! Honestly the 3 of us are better off without such pigs. Xxx

I don't wana deprive him of the child

He's depriving himself Alex all you can do is put your baby's best interests first. I'm sorry you feel like the other woman, but to all intents and purposes that's what you are. He's moved on to his next relationship and just kept you dangling as a back-up. I hope you don't take him if he comes running back because he's not exactly a catch.

Good advice for us all from vivacia do not take them back !

It's simple hayley these men behave like this for two reasons. First they are given permission to do so by their partners who allow them to drift in and out of a relationship as they please. Secondly and much more important, the men's partners are far too hasty in having a family. These men are barely more than teenage boys mentally, they are not ready to be fathers. They love the idea in the same way they love getting a new phone. It's a novelty. Once the novelty wears off and the partner is no longer up for sex at the drop of a hat due to pregnancy and they are no longer the centre of attention because the baby needs the mothers focus, then they are off. I see it in my work everyday, this completely ridiculous notion that to 'make a shaky relationship work you should have a baby to make him stick around' IMHO no one should be making babies with anyone they haven't known as a reliable partner for at least 2 yrs, then if all goes well, then marry thereby protecting your legal and financial rights, it also shows he is serious about commitment. Then think about children. It's no guarantee of a happy ever after but it's a darn sight more of an effective stable start than the casual mating and moving on that women are allowing many young men to get away with at the moment. We as women and more importantly the resulting dcs have the right to expect decent reliable partners and fathers, something that it is not possible to ascertain when you jump in to parenthood with someone you have known for 3 months... And as for the 'it was an accident ' nonsense, .. I also hear this day in day out. If it were true then the condom company are now manufacturing their products with readymade holes !!! It's bullshit, there are 16 different methods of contraception, if you don't want a pregnancy you don't have to have one. If the condom does actually split then you can get the morning after pill over the counter. Almost without exception a pregnancy has occurred because you either wanted to have a baby or were willing to take a chance in the hope the man would go for it, ( very few stick around) Women deserve better and it's up to us as women to stop enabling feckless parenting.

@Kittensinmydinner
I completely understand what your saying it's the truth. I was soo stupid I can't even believe I was so stupid but I was so in love I didn't even know what I was doing tbh it wasn't an accident, at the time the relationship felt so deep that we both really wanted a child and we wanted to start a family and now I feel beyond an idiot I feel like I threw away my life for someone that no longer gives a shit about me. I woke up this morning only to see the girl took him back and he had a picture of him n her kissing on his whatsapp. There happy so it seems and yes it bothers me 100% even after he's lied to her so much etc. it bothers me because there having a good time while I'm at home waiting to pop depressed as fuck and can't get over how stupid I was I never thought this would happen to me. in the mornings I wake up sometimes wishing it weren't true just wishing I could go back to how it was all before, before I met him I was so happy. I can't help but feel my whole life has been taken away from me. I'm so drained I'm so tired all the time

Yes most definitely true what you are saying kitten without a doubt. Although it's not just young men my ex partner is 52 and I thought as he was older he would be more mature and settled,evidently not. Lessons learned for me though I've been through this twice with my ex husband ( my 2 childrens father )and now with him and never again will I put myself in this situation, I have to take a lot of the responsibility though x

Alexandra please don't go on Facebook or whatsapp I'm not on either as I know it will just make Me feel terrible, don't do it to yourself. You know he is with someone and I know my ex is with someone and that's all we need to know don't torture yourself xx

It's simple hayley these men behave like this for two reasons. First they are given permission to do so by their partners who allow them to drift in and out of a relationship as they please. Secondly and much more important, the men's partners are far too hasty in having a family.

You are blaming women for the men's behaviour.

There's no excuse for the men's behaviour but in my own experience I let it happen but how is one supposed to know that someone will change so suddenly x

Natalie check your inbox, could u send me your private email or something? x

how is one supposed to know that someone will change so suddenly

You don't. So you realise this and decide that having children is a huge responsibility with huge implications, so you don't risk having the baby. Or, you risk it and choose to have a baby with this new man and you either get lucky or you don't.

Everyone keeps saying that he will be coming back etc. but after everything I've been through up until now I feel like it's impossible he seems too happy by the likes of it although I can see that my whole relationship with him is being replayed with her like some déjà vu shit :/ I strongly love n hate him at the same time sometimes I don't even know how I feel but I just cry because the whole situation just hurts me deeply. I've always been afraid of being a single mother that a part of me is always up for forgiving him when really I just wana be strong enough to laugh in his face. I don't know how to do it n the next time I see him n he meets my baby for the first time I really wana be so strong that I show no emotion towards him whatsoever but how can I do if when I feel the right opposite

I think being a single mum is difficult. I think where you are now, waiting for him to decide what he wants at this minute in time sounds even more difficult.

Well I've still not contacted him am up mine now sorting the electricity out. He lives round the corner from my house aswell. Am still feeling quite strong today.. But tomorrow is a different matter. Fingers crossed I can continue to be strong. xx

My mam was asking me last night if he came knocking on the door saying he's made a mistake would I take him back and forgive the way he's treated me. Ect I said I don't think so because I needed him so much and he just wasn't interested when I needed him the most but all that aside I do love him so much x

It will get easier for you Alexandra you have to give yourself some time and one day you will realise if he wanted to come back you won't want him. It is hard being a single parent but better that than being with someone and not knowing where you stand. If you took him back how would you ever trust them not too abandon you again. That's what I keep telling myself . Natalie your doing well still , keeping busy works ! Xx

One day at a time, no need to worry about tomorrow.

In terms of begging for forgiveness, you could say that you'd give him a chance to prove himself. Six months of no other women, no unexplained absences, supporting you with shopping and bringing meals and hoovering and just generally being kind and reliable and considerate and then I would consider moving from "father of my child" to "friend".

But I wouldn't be holding my breath and I'd start steering your mum away from conversations about him to conversations about the children, the home, your job etc.

I'm a single parent of a 4 year old with sn, I really didn't want to be a single parent but is so much easier doing it alone than trying to do it with someone who messes with your emotions all the time. Good luck to you all, you CAN do this and will have better self respect and esteem when you refuse to put up with crap from your Childs father.

I told my mam to stop talking about him last night when she started.because i no that would never happen now. Now I just need to get other him. And i have done so well up to now I have been very strong it's been 4 days and am very proud of my self because this is the longest out the year and a half we have been. Together I've ever not spoke to him so high five to me!! X

High five Natalie, really, well done you

Good Girl!!!

Whenever you doubt, just re-read Justwanttomoveon's post;

"I'm a single parent of a 4 year old with sn, I really didn't want to be a single parent but is so much easier doing it alone than trying to do it with someone who messes with your emotions all the time. Good luck to you all, you CAN do this and will have better self respect and esteem when you refuse to put up with crap from your Childs father."

This is right on! My BFF said that although it's easier to have a partner to share duties, she realized that her ex wouldn't have been a help anyway and would have been a bigger hindrance than just being on her own!

Your so right but I think what hurts the most is this girl is showing up all other the place! Asking to I here there and everywhere if she goes with him tomorrow he beat never speak to me again! Tbh I really fought deep down I actually ment more. She's a pole dancer! And takes drugs he told me about her the other day he said she was going down with his other friend. So he didn't hide the fact she was going down he said she's my friend. This was the other day but I've just seen that she's wanting to go away with him tomorrow! If he does he best never contact me! I feel really angry thinking of this!!

How have you seen this? No good comes from looking at Facebook (if that's where you've seen it), no contact involves cutting off any form of contact and that includes deleting them from your friends list and also anyone else that might give details on what he's up to, really, your torturing yourself (if you are looking on fb).

Let him get on with things, this 'relationship' won't last anyway. Concentrate on yourself and your baby, you two are all that matter.