Alone and pregnant

[Natalie12341]

Am 25 weeks pregnant and I split with my boyfriend 12 days ago. And am a complete mess. Am struggling to eat some days I feel ok then bang am a complete mess. He says he will support me. But everytime I message him he never replys which makes me feel even worse.. I had hospital appointments last week he didn't show. We planned a lovely Christmas together so Christmas was quite hard for me.. I have an 8 year old son from a previous r/ship he hasn't really picked up on anything. But am just really struggling. He never texts or rings to ask how I am how can someone that loved me just totally blank me. Never have I felt pain like it. It's affecting my blood pressure and I feel like am always wanting to no what he's doing ect I feel like I will crack up if I carry on.,. It's making me depressed and I just don't no what to do please help

The birth was all planed and he was ment to be there but I couldn't have him there I where not together I could let him see me like that. It's something that couples do together. So don't no how he will feel when I tell him it's not happening. And he's not taking my baby other night no way. A mother needs to bond with her baby first and I need to bond with my baby before anyone thinks they can just take her away from me. Am still dry heartbroken so I just need to get other him before I start thinking about messaging him back. I couldn't possible message him back then am goig to be back at square1 I would love to I've done 2 days up to now xx

Ah I don't no what to do am I doing the right thing? Xx

Acrossthepond I feel your so right x

I think you're absolutely right. You have to put you and baby first, you've got to get in to the habit.

He does not get to send two shitty little texts and reel you back in again. No fucking way.

Thanks vivacia I think that too. Because if I did message him back he wouldn't reply back to me gain then am back at square 1 again do you think he's probs thinking ah she's. Not texted me for a couple of days I best text her ?? Xx

You're doing the right thing Natalie, don't give him an inch as people like him never change

I don't think it's worth any of us worrying about what he's thinking. Thinking about him is a habit that needs breaking. And that's all it is, a habit. When you find yourself thinking about him, replace it with a thought about baby.

So, you catch yourself thinking, "I wonder why he's text me" think, "Hmmm, I'm thinking about baby's father again. I wonder what me and baby will be doing this time next year, I bet we're just out for a walk...".

Thankyou girls he will give up soon and tbh it's for the best am feel very strong today! Which isn't normally like me. So I've not texted him since Saturday let's see how I feel tomorrow everyday I such get stronger. Xxx

You are getting stronger. Replace thoughts about him with thoughts of your healthy, nutrition for the baby and lowering your stress with relaxation and exercise. Come straight back here if you get another wobble!

Hi I've been busy all day he's been intouch with my twin sister my other sister and now my mam asking how I am and telling them he's phoned me and he can't get intouch with me. He wants to see how I am that's what he says x

Let him wonder, won't do him any harm

I didn't think things would turn this quick. I think it might be helpful to run a filter, "what's in the best interests of our daughter?" for every decision concerning him.
Tomorrow you could send a message via one of your relations, relating to how and when you want contact.

Hi Natalie I've just gone through your thread I've been looking on this site to see of there is anyone In the same situation as me. My baby is due in 3 weeks I split from her father when I was 28 weeks and he hasn't once text to ask how me or the baby is doing . This is a man who come to every scan bought baby things and said he loved me.. He has totally cut us both out of his life and I found out a couple of weeks ago he is back with an ex and in the pub getting drunk wih her most nights. Like you I swing from being strong and thinking I don't want to be with someone like him to utter disbelief that he is behaving this way. I text him when I found out about this ow and basically got told it was none of my business, charming. If he is was too text me now there is no was on earth I would reply. I don't know what will happen when baby arrives I don't know if he will want any form of contact but if he does I don't know how he would maintain it anyway, he is in and out the pub all weekend . Sorry to go on about myself just wanted to let you know that u r not alone In your situation and I understand how u r feeling .I never wanted to do this alone after having my last child on my own after ex husband haf left for ow. Baby's father always said he would never hurt me but he has been even worse than my ex. . The very best of luck to you and congratulations on your pregnancy. Stay strong and don't reply to himxx

Softly, softly Natalie. Don't read too much into it. You may want to consider telling your family that you don't want to know if he contacts them unless you feel strong enough to just let it go.

Vivacia is right. Focus on your baby and yourself. Right now he's surplus to requirements!

So should my mam text him back? Or just leave it ? Or wait till tomorrow ? And hayleyann hope your ok chick :( horrible situation. He messaged my twin sister saying I just wanted to no how she was and everything is ok as I've not heard from her today I've tryed ringing her! Bla bla seriously I really feel like am getting stronger. Hayleyann I think he has someone else too he went from the most lovely man to a complete prick within a couple of hours. Who can't turn up to hospital appointments well I've got some very big 1s this month so am not inviting him! Why should I! He cares more about other stuff than me and this baby I fought my waters had broken a week and a half ago and he said I can't come to the hospital with you! What a dickhead! And he nos am high risk and I could have this baby at anytime and he's gave me nothing but stress!! Xx

Natalie remember this isn't a game of 'who can hold out longest'. From what you have said, your ex sounds as if he has treated you pretty badly before. If you are finished then This Is It. No texts, no games, just getting on with life and making it as good as possible.

Maybe your dm should reply very briefly along the lines of ' Natalie has asked me to tell you that since your relationship is over, please stop contacting her. We will inform you when the baby is born. Please ensure maintenance is paid as agreed '(or whatever). No other info. All this 'he texts, I texts' is playground stuff. You've been incredibly strong for the last few days. Now keep going. And mean it.

Matilda is 100% right! This isn't a game, nor is it a ploy on your part to 'get him back', right? You are going NC because he doesn't treat you right and because it's the best for you and the baby. You deserve much better.

The brief text from your mother is a good idea. Then you can all move on and focus on the coming baby.

My mam has phoned him and said she is fine. He has asked for me to ring him she said I will tell her and I am not ringing him. I no it's not a game but he's playing a game. Not me am just trying my best not to contact him because If I do at the minute am going to be back to square 1. I just need a couple of days and hopefully I will be strong anuff. Am not messaging him and am not ringing him till am ready to do so. So fingers crossed I can continue to be as strong as I can be xx

I think you're doing really well Natalie.

There's a risk that you'll be sucked back in to old habits. Remember, he has proven himself unreliable and unkind. Focus on your son and your baby.

Like you say Natalie its impossible to believe someone can go from being lovely to a total bastard it's like you never really knew them at all .
But better now than when u have had your baby, that happened to me with my son and it ruined them precious first few weeks. I knew in my gut another woman would be in the background there often usually is. It's hard as I just thought we would be doing it all together with regards to the birth etc.its so upsetting . Just concentrate on getting through your pregnancy and be with people who give you support .It sounds like you have a good family around you xx

It's so nice to get a lot of support from all of you's because I really don't no where I would be now without it. So thankyou ladies.. And you's are making me feel stronger everyday. Vivacia thankyou for your on going surrport it means so much :) well am moving into my house in a couple of days me and my son I no it will be hard but I can do it. Am just used to having people around me all the time so be a big difference when it's just me and my son but we will be fine. We have a great bond and are very close. And for the dick!! I don't on tend to call him so I hope I continue to be as strong as I can be xxx

It will be lovely! Just you and your precious son. You will be able to put things just where you want them. Put up pictures and decor that you like. You can buy yourself a lovely, lacy, ruffled, pink duvet if you want without him going at it.

And won't the peace and quiet be wonderful? Lovely, happy meals of the foods you like eaten with smiles. Only your own 'messes' to clean up afterwards.

And soon you will have friends to fill up your house stopping by to visit or have a cuppa.

Yeah I can't wait now am going to get some nice things to make it more homely again because it has lost that sence of home xx

Well am still feeling very strong I hope it continues because on Wednesday I no he's going away for the night and normally my mind would work over time fingers crossed I can keep a clear head and not xx

On Wednesday try and keep busy as you can so you don't get caught up in your mind of what he is doing . Easier said than done I know. It's very hard to stop thinking about them but it does get easier .I'm a hell of a lot better than I was 8- 9 weeks ago and I can go good few hours without thinking about the idiot now. I think absolute no contact at all with them is the way forward xx