Alone and pregnant

[Natalie12341]

Am 25 weeks pregnant and I split with my boyfriend 12 days ago. And am a complete mess. Am struggling to eat some days I feel ok then bang am a complete mess. He says he will support me. But everytime I message him he never replys which makes me feel even worse.. I had hospital appointments last week he didn't show. We planned a lovely Christmas together so Christmas was quite hard for me.. I have an 8 year old son from a previous r/ship he hasn't really picked up on anything. But am just really struggling. He never texts or rings to ask how I am how can someone that loved me just totally blank me. Never have I felt pain like it. It's affecting my blood pressure and I feel like am always wanting to no what he's doing ect I feel like I will crack up if I carry on.,. It's making me depressed and I just don't no what to do please help

Keep strong Natalie

Sweetheart, remember that it's normal for him to be 'in your head' for awhile. You just have to accept that you are hurting and reassure yourself that it will go away eventually. Don't try to figure out what went wrong, what you could/should have done. That was then, this is now. Remember from my earlier post;

"Yes, I still love him but he treated me badly. Those feelings will go away in time."

Acknowledge the feeling, don't try to justify or explain anything.

So right there. Everytime I think anything about him I should say to my self he treated me bad near the end. And I did try what more could I have done! I am a good person just me and him are not ment to be together! And one day someone will come along and love me for who I am. Well last night I slept a full 6 hours without waking up this is the first time since me and my ex split and I feel so so much better today. My dad's helping me do some more decorating today. So while am sayig at my mums am buying what I can. So hopefully in the next couple of weeks I will be able to move I to my house xx

Got my sofa delivered today. Taking the wallpaper off tomorrow. I have been thinkin should I let him at the butlers so he can bond with the baby to. And I really don't think I want him there today I was standing at the bus stop and it's was raining really heavy and he just went straight past me! He seen me I just think that's really heartless! Well the bus didn't show so I had to run up the bank in the really and rain and he passes me again! He didn't pull other to ask if I was ok or if I needed a lift up the road! So heartless! X

I just came looking for your thread to see if you'd posted. Are you sure it was him that passed you?

I really would be expecting him to earn my trust where the baby is concerned. As I keep saying - being reliable with the boring, grown-up responsibilities such as turning up regularly and not letting her down.

Frankly, I wouldn't care if he'd sprouted angel wings and flown me home, I still wouldn't have him at the birth. Even if he was a nice guy (which he isn't) and a relationship 'just didn't work out' (rather than him being so cruel to you) I probably still wouldn't have an ex, even the nicest one, at my child's birth. It's just too emotional a time for YOU.

As far as 'bonding', listen, I'm adopted and my parents didn't get me until I was 13 days old. And you'd be hard pressed to find two more devoted, loving, 'bonded' parents than mine. Bonding, IMO, has nothing to do with when a parent meets a child. It's the parent's WANTING that child that creates the bond. Many men are at their child's birth and yet they walk out without a backwards glance somewhere down the line.

Acrossthepond I totally understand what you saying. And yes your right man do and have done that. Yes it was him. God I hope to god I start hating him for all the fken shit he's put me threw! He's booked a 4d scan which I think is next week! And am not going he's just so selfish! And am to nice! But no more am looking out for my self! Hopefully be back in my own place in the next 4 weeks buy everything I need in that time. Then am going to start on the rest of the baby stuff I need. Just need to get this house sorted first. And get my son into a routine before she comes xxx

You don't need to start hating him. That just twists the love into something negative, but it still wastes emotional energy. You need to start being indifferent to him. Hate implies there is still an emotion there, even if it's a negative one. Indifference is just not caring, as if he were a stranger. It doesn't use any emotional energy. If something happens to a stranger, we say 'oh, that's too bad' but it doesn't TOUCH us, if you get my meaning. That's why I say to tell yourself that 'the feelings will go away in time'. They'll disappear and you will become indifferent.

"I don't care" if he passes you by in the rain.
"I don't care" if he's booked a scan.
"I don't care" if he's out with his mates or shacking up with some random.
"I. Don't. Care."

Tell yourself often enough and it will start to be true.

Hi Natalie, glad to read you have managed a decent sleep at last, hopefully you will manage a good few more before baby comes.
I am still waiting for the 'indifference' to come but I know it will, as it will for you too in time.
Across has given some great advice and she is completely right.

As far as bonding is concerned, my ex was at the birth of my ds (we were still together at the time), he still walked away without a second thought when ds was 3 and has barely spent any time with him since, that was why I went no contact and since then (2 months), I have been so much better, I don't think about him much at all although I wouldn't say I was completely indifferent to him just yet but I'm definitely getting there.

You seem to have really turned a corner and although you may still have bad days, the good ones will soon outweigh the bad. Best of luck with getting your house ready and know that this house will be filled with love, from you to your children and from them to you.

Am at the hospital at 4 today for my heart. Very important appointment and loads of tests. My sister is comig with me for support. He's a waste of time and space. What should I do about the scan? Should I go and show him am not bothered I no he's payed a lot of money for it. I am not a nasty person am just stuck to what I should do. My house is coming on great. Got my dd here today helping me do more decorating :) xxx

I would not go on the basis that he needs to learn he's not privvy to those kinds of things in your life any more.

How long were you going out?

No, you do not go to the scan. Not going to the scan is a step away from him. It's important that he (and you) learn that he is no longer a part of your life and you will not dance to his tune. You are indifferent to him and the money he's paid, remember? You don't care what he wants or what he's paid.

Good luck with your tests.

Hi sorry I've not been back online I got out the hospital after 6. I've nt been well since. I've got 2 things wrong with my heart the tests where horrible they had to stop because I nearly collapsed. I've been getting pains since I left I just feel absolutely exhausted. Plus the tables they want me to take will stop the baby's growth! So I don't no what to do. The plan is am not going to the scan. I don't have the energy to play games with him. And we where together for a year and a bit. Xx

you have to reduce your stress levels so that means NO contact with your ex until AFTER the baby is born.
Look after yourself and your DS, block all means of communicating with him except one last message to say you will contact him after your DD is born.
Don't have him at the delivery, have someone you can trust and will keep you calm and supported.
Take all the help offered to you just now-don't worry about the house there is plenty time for that. Concentrate on getting to the end of your pregnancy safely.

What tablets do they want you to take ?

propranolol this is to try me on. Am back at a different hospital in 2 weeks doctors next week to see how I am. The only thing is I do want to get home. Because I can't stay at my mams with 2 children it's only a 2 bedroom so me and my son are sharing a room at the min my house is coming on so much but I do need to slow down a bit now. Am just a very busy person at the moment. As I am not asking for anything. Off anyone. My mam has been a great support. But I want to get into a routine before the baby comes. Xx

I'm so sorry to read about your heart problem and I'm glad you are at your mams, you need looking after. Your house sounds like it's almost done so you're right to slow down a bit now.

How long until your due date? What are the effects on you if you don't take the tablets? If the doctors are saying you definitely need the medication then speak to your midwife about it.
I'm glad you have decided not to go to the scan with ex, you really don't need the added stress.
Hope you have managed a decent nights sleep x

Slept about an hour. Had loads of pains. I need beds carpet in 1 room wooden floors down ect. Bathroom flooring down. Wardrobes ect so no much more really ah and some wall paper for mh bedroom am decoratin my self next week as my dad's back at work. :/ it an stop the baby's growth all together. And I've seen/ been reading in some cases some women have had still borns but some baby's are fine. They said they can't underline the risk! It's like what do I do?! If I don't take them tablets I can collapse everyday and loads of times a day. And if I fell on my tummy it's so risky. Don't no what to do for the best!! Am 29 weeks today. :) xx

surely the consultant who ordered the heart tests can liase with your midwife/consultant to discuss your future care and management.It would be bad practice for a Dr -knowing you were pregnant-to prescribe drugs that may be harmful. Shared care is the way to go. I suppose they have to balance out the risks and benefits of treatment.
How was it left Natalie who or how are you going to be followed up?

You've got to double-check with your health professional Natalie surely? I can't believe they've left you feeling like this!

My DH took Propranolol for a heart arrhythmia. Of course, he wasn't pregnant!

I think you need to talk to your MW about a possible referral to a high-risk Obstetrician who can consult with your cardiologist. Between them all they can make a treatment plan and let you know more about the risks & benefits.

Although the cardiologist isn't an OB, I'm sure he/she took into consideration your condition. I have faith that he/she wouldn't have given you a medication without due thought of risks vs benefits.

First thing am doing on Monday as by the time I got out of hospital yesterday the office was shut. I asked her what would I continue to do after my baby is born she said just continue to take the tablets they will help me. By this time I was pretty spaced out after all the tests I was very dizzy feel really ill. So I wasn't able to ask all the questions I would of liked to. I've felt very bad today think it's off the tests. Can't sleep again been out buying more paint and some nice ornaments for my house and since I've been back I've just sat and cryed and cryed. About the full situation of my life. Still feel very emotional still! Wish I could sleep because that's not helping me. And I think am grieving for my ex now the book said I would go threw this stage. Unless am just under the weather and having a pretty shit shit day xxxx

Oh Natalie just hold on. In your bad days just remember that there'll be good days and they'll become more frequent.

It's no wonder you are upset, you've had a lot to deal with in a very short space of time, don't be too hard on yourself, I think you are doing marvellously considering the circumstances. A heart condition which can only be treated with drugs that affect your baby?! Gosh, I would have not stopped crying and that's before you add in the emotional effect the breakup has had on you, you would have to be inhuman not to let that get to you.
Then you've a house that needs to be decorated in time for baby's birth plus a ds to look after and lack of sleep on top, I seriously would not be still standing, I think I would be curled up in a bundle on the floor!!
You are a strong woman, and once you get to the other side of all this you will be even stronger.

Speak to your mw tomorrow and hopefully she will be able to give you options and put your mind at rest as far as baby is concerned.

They said there is risk. Am ringing my midwife tomorrow to hopefully find out what I should do. As it's very worrying. The last 6-7 weeks I've been threw so much. Never have I experienced bad luck like it. I am still under investigation as they think there might be something else wrong with me! I am waiting to try and get into my house in the next 4 weeks hopefully I want everything perfect. I've been pulling the skirting boards off today. I will get there hopefully 1 day. I have felt exhausted today. Got a busy week ahead. Thank you ladies for your kind words really does help me so much xxx