Alone and pregnant

[Natalie12341]

Am 25 weeks pregnant and I split with my boyfriend 12 days ago. And am a complete mess. Am struggling to eat some days I feel ok then bang am a complete mess. He says he will support me. But everytime I message him he never replys which makes me feel even worse.. I had hospital appointments last week he didn't show. We planned a lovely Christmas together so Christmas was quite hard for me.. I have an 8 year old son from a previous r/ship he hasn't really picked up on anything. But am just really struggling. He never texts or rings to ask how I am how can someone that loved me just totally blank me. Never have I felt pain like it. It's affecting my blood pressure and I feel like am always wanting to no what he's doing ect I feel like I will crack up if I carry on.,. It's making me depressed and I just don't no what to do please help

I'm really pleased that you've reached out to friends. I think you should count every hour without contact as a success. You could get a sticker chart

I seen my midwife last week and I was complete mess. She gave me a hug she have me her personal line. But I've not contacted her. She was very worried about me. I did start feelin bit better but last couple of days it feels like I've down a total u turn but I need to try today. I've still not contacted him so am pleased with my self x

I think you need to expect ups and downs but if you continue to distance yourself from him, and focus on you and the children it will overall be upwards. Far better to clear your mind of him, he was just an emotional vampire, playing with your head and taking your energies away from what's important.

And also, in my experience, it's just an act at first. You pretend you're not contacting him because you've moved on. But really, you're thinking about him and having to concentrate on not texting. At some point though, you'll realise that not only did you not text him, you were genuinely not actually thinking about him.

Well I've done fab I've still not messaged him I've spoke to a couple of friends on the phone. Tbh he will not thinking why I've not contacted him today! But I don't care I want someone that wants to be with me. And that loves me for me. Not just because am carrying his child x

Well I've still not contacted him so I've been other 24 hours go me!!! :) ah and he's not messaged me. To ask how I am ect well tbh he's never messaged me that in the last 13 days we haven't been together so xx

Am starting to find it really hard now :( x

Natalie you can do this. You are doing great. If he is letting you down now imagine what it will be like when he is letting your newborn down.
Keep going my lovely xx

Keep going, one hour at a time. Could you write your texts down somewhere, in an email, on paper, to yourself, just to get them out of your system?

Please don't send any. You'll have 4 seconds of exhilaration and then feel dreadful for hours. He won't reply and he'll have control over your emotions again.

Every day you manage, it will get easier.

I still haven't messaged him the longest in the 14 days we haven't been together I've not texted him for is 2 and a half days so last time I texted him was Saturday so been 2 days now I can do this I have to am going out today keep my self busy I will check back in. Later thankyous for the surport xxx

Natalie, you've done so well, it's really hard when you start no contact but it does get easier, I wobbled for the first couple of weeks but am so glad I stuck to my guns. You can do this, I agree with pp, write your texts down but don't send them, it really will make you feel worse and put you back to square one. Phone your mw, she wouldn't have given you her personal number if she didn't want to help, take as much help as people offer, most people will want to help you. You should be very proud of yourself for every time you wanted to text but didn't.

Well done, you are doing so well. Lots of good suggestions re writing things down etc. just no actual messages. Dignity, that's what you are gaining. It's worth a lot more than a text rant.

Do you have some nice plans for today? And focus on your dc while you can before the new baby comes along. It's a nice age for doing things together.x

Natalie, from you're title I just had to read this and write to you. I posted a similar thread in here yesterday. Although we've not split up.... As yet. I'm assuming he's the one that's split up with you. I've been in this position with the same partner a couple of tomes before and each time I've fell into massive depression, not eaten, not even having the energy to wash (I'm being honest!), and not doing anything other than think about him and where he is etc, and desperately trying to contact friends and trying to force them to come on a night out just so I can drown my sorrows. You'll probably find they already have their own plans if you've not actually made much effort with them during the time you were in the relationship (I was guilty of this unfortunately). And then it makes you feel trapped and not knowing what to do or how you can escape from your own mind. Although I was never pregnant in these situations, I am now (24 weeks), and it's now vice versa where I don't know whether I can be with him (due to his family- long story). Life can be so horrible to say the least. I know whatever I say it will be hard for you to actually do anyway. I never wanted to listen to anyone unless they were telling me how I could "make him come back". (Nobody did, by the way!). All I can say is, with being pregnant myself, and also being under a lot of stress (and also have mild heart problems), look after yourself and baby. Everything else will come together. If you want to message me feel free. Take care xx

Thank you no I said I was leaving as his mother has moved into his house and has made me life a living hell I cryed every day I just wasn't my self I would tidy up and nothing was ever good anuth and in the end I phoned him when he was at work and said am leaving he came back and tryed to stop me but I went and it was only ment to be for a couple of days then when am gone he's like it's other I can't take this anymore. You don't do nothing!! I don't love you ect. And I was like eh where has all this came from I cooked and cleaned. Everyday. We where really good together. And now he just totally blanks me. Am not sleeping properly and still not hardly eating but it's been 2 days since I've not texted him. The longest I've been without texten him is 2 and a half days then he texted me thanking me for Christmas presents. He must think because am pregnant k can't go out I can't do nothing so I feel like he's not bothered. Because he's done this before about 7 months ago. Xx

He's just texted me saying are you ok? And is baby ok what am I ment to say back to that? I don't want to text him because if I do I will be back to square 1 :( what should I do x

I would ignore the text, if he's really concerned he would do more than text and maybe he will, but if you reply then he knows all it takes is a text to get you back in his life. Give it a day or two at least, you deserve much much more than this man, he should be falling over himself to make sure you are ok, your pregnant with his child fgs, one text does not undo all the hurt he's caused you.

Ignore the text for now. Wow your situation is more similar to mine than I thought then! MIL from hell. And I don't even like saying mother in law as for one she's not a mother and two I am not her family. It's a hard situation because as much as you try to make them see how they behave isn't right, and they might even see it themselves, they feel "obliged" to carry on as normal as they are their family, unfortunately. As someone said to me on here "he should choose you and his baby over them if the way they're behaving is wrong, even though it should never come to that, sometimes there's no choice." If he doesn't, you are better off without. I'm suspecting I might be in a similar situation over the next few days xx

Whether you reply or not, definitely don't reply to him today. In fact, I agree completely with Justwant. One text from him is nowhere near enough effort on his part.

I think you need to decide how you do want contact with him in the future. He has let you down again and again where the baby is concerned. You need to put boundaries in place to protect the baby from the same disappointment. If you don't put expectations in place (reliable, keeps to arrangements including financial) then he's going to be letting you both down all of the time.

Ok am not texten him back I've blocked his number from calling me. I've not opened the message back then he will not am playing his game if I igrone him. Then I will probs get some nasty texts. So at the minute am feeling strong hope it stays that way I really do xx

Well done. Don't beat yourself up if sometimes you don't feel strong. You're bound to be up and down for the time being! But hopefully it will be something you look back on and think "I can't believe I got through that" xx

You feel a lot stronger and in control and less panicky this way.

Thank you so much everyone I really don't no what I would of done with out all of your kind words and support. I will check back later and let you's no what's happened x

Just got an other text say hellooo!! That's because I've not replied to the last message so he's obs now getting arsey because I've not messaged him back x

I'd start thinking of him as baby's father. Might be worth talking to your midwife about what you need from him before the birth (which might be nothing) during the birth (if anything) and during the first few weeks.

How would you like him to have contact with the new baby? Is there a third party who can supervise the contact whilst you make yourself scarce? I'm thinking something like your mum's where you can have a nap upstairs.

Don't buy into his game. You've taken the first step to independence, so don't backstep now! I think he just wants to keep you where he had you, dependent on him emotionally.

Be strong.