Alone and pregnant

[Natalie12341]

Am 25 weeks pregnant and I split with my boyfriend 12 days ago. And am a complete mess. Am struggling to eat some days I feel ok then bang am a complete mess. He says he will support me. But everytime I message him he never replys which makes me feel even worse.. I had hospital appointments last week he didn't show. We planned a lovely Christmas together so Christmas was quite hard for me.. I have an 8 year old son from a previous r/ship he hasn't really picked up on anything. But am just really struggling. He never texts or rings to ask how I am how can someone that loved me just totally blank me. Never have I felt pain like it. It's affecting my blood pressure and I feel like am always wanting to no what he's doing ect I feel like I will crack up if I carry on.,. It's making me depressed and I just don't no what to do please help

I know this is missing the point entirely but why are you pulling the skirting off?

Natalie I hope you get some reassurance from your midwife today

Because I want new 1s on. Before my carpet get layed. I've phoned the midwife the office and the hospital. And they are all saying I need to speak to my doctor! I can't speak to my doctor because I can't get past the the women on the phone! I've explained I need to speak to my doctor and why! My doctor had always told me I can ring anytime so am no further forward. Xx

I understand doctors' receptionists have to be a bit of a barrier but it sounds as though these ones are taking it too far. What do they actually say? I'd be tempted to ask them, "Are you refusing to allow me to see my doctor?" - no need to be arsey, just ask it calmly. I also sometimes say, "Hang on, I'm just writing it down... sorry, what did you say your name was again?".

I find it crazy that a receptionist would take this risk with a pregnant woman, an unborn baby, a heart condition and someone acting on the advice of a midwife and hospital.

Some doctors receptionists really do think they are the bloody 'Gatekeeper' don't they. Don't take no for an answer, explain the doctor has already told you that you can call anytime, if she still refuses I would ask her if she knows better than the doctor. Sometime you have to be pushy, I find that if you refuse to get off the phone until they have made an urgent appointment, they undoubtedly do so in the end. Once you see your doctor you should explain how difficult it was in gaining access to see him due to his receptionist. I hope you get to see him in next 24 hours x

Thinking of you Nat

Hi got an appointment for next week that's all they said they could do. So am goig to see my doctor then. I've been feeling abit better but I've not been well. I've been exhausted for the past couple of days so all I've done really is sleep. Am eating a little better to but still not eating as much as I should be. I am focusing on my son been giving him pocket money every week for good behaviour at school and good work I've had a phone call of the head today. Nothing bad just sayin he can get very aggressive. When he can't play games ect and am abit worried so when I get him out of school I am going to talk to him. I feel full of worry I will feel a lot better when I pick him up from school and I can resolve it. I think am just more protective just with everything that's went on. I don't think it has anything to do with the r/ship xx

Am in bits today. Emotional feeling very depressed. And just sick of my full situation. My friends keep saying it will get better but my life is up side down and at the minute I don't see it getting better anytime soon x

Oh dear, it's hardly surprising you are having a bad day sweetheart, you're coping with so much and its all happening at the same time.
What's happened with regards to your son? Did you manage to speak to him and find out why he's acting aggressively?
I hope your doctor can put your mind at rest a little when you speak to him next week. When do you see your midwife next? Please tell her everything you are having to cope with and hopefully she will be able to help.

Your friend are right and things will get better but of course you can't see that because you are right in the middle of it all. Just try to get through one day at a time, if that's too much. Just get through one hour at a time.

You've had bad days before and you've also had days when you're feeling much stronger, yesterday was a bad day, today may be a bad one too, tomorrow you could wake up and have another good day. Have a read back over this thread, you will see you've had good days and try and take some strength from that. Believe me, you are doing really well, you have such a lot to cope with but you still keep on keeping on, and that takes a lot of strength.

Huge (unmumsnetty) hugs for you ((((hugs)))),

I can't add anything to Just's wonderful words other than to let you know that someone else is thinking of you and wishing you well.

Hi Natalie how are you doing?

Wow, tough times I am also pregnant and alone. I have two dcs (6 and 1) and am 16 weeks pg with number 3. Dad left suddenly and im heartbroken. He is still emotionallyabusive to me and im so depressed right now. How are you op? Hope things are looking up.for you

Hi sorry I've not been online I've been very busy. And my phone had been playing up. I ended up going to the scan with him last week. He took me out for lunch and went shopping for baby clothes. Ect very strangly we got on a lot better than we ever have done. He's messages me everyday since asking how I am ect. Yesterday I had a bad day I messaged him back saying this contact where havig has to stop! And I need to move on his reply was how am I ment to do that am heavily pregnant! :/ I don't understand what he fought I actually ment. I told him to stop messaging me. And later that day he started messaging me again. Talking about baby names. Then this morning asked how I was again! Don't no what he's trying to do :/ xxx

Proof - as if you needed it - that he has absolutely no respect for your wishes or boundaries.

very strangly we got on a lot better than we ever have done

Not really strange - he is currently in "nice" mode trying to suck you back in so he can abuse you again. Don't be fooled! Stand your ground and tell him to do one.

I agree with pocket. he is being nice so that he can be horrible again. my ex tries it all the time! he turned up with pregnancy multivitamins the other day (I got told off mw to take them, dont know why though) and then told me I dont deserve my kids and im a bad mother!

You let him back in..he is back in control, he has you exactly where he wants you to be. Unfortunately you have taken many steps backwards in the recovery process.
You have to be certain that you want no contact because your behaviour to him and MN tells the opposite.
No contact means just that NO CONTACT. I know it's hard, you are pregnant and have a constant reminder of him BUT he is not going to change so you must manage the situation yourself.
Tell him not to contact you again and that you will let him know when your DD is born, then block/ignore etc.
Then stick to it......(don't mean to be harsh but tough love needed here )

If you don't want to hear from him then you need to block his number, he's clearly not interested in what you want, you've asked him not to contact you and he ignores you, the only way to deal with him is to prevent him from being able to contact you.

You may be hoping that things will work out between you but do you really want a man that can put you through all this heartache at the worst possible time in your life, he took your money, leaving you struggling, you have a serious health condition and are pregnant as well, you are worth a million times more than this.
He's a very selfish person, he swans off to other women while you are pregnant and then thinks by booking a scan, buying a few baby clothes and texting you then all should be forgiven??!! He is a man child, you will have 2 little ones to look after soon, do you really want a third child to look after?
If you do decide to get back with him please be aware that he will let you down again and again, you've come so far Natalie, you CAN do this without him.

Am feeling a lot better still having ba days but there not happening much at all now! My house is nearly all done am actually starting to see a furture for my self with out him in it. It's took a long time. I do still love him. But I feel like a much stronger person xx

Good for you Natalie. Glad you can see your better off without him. Great your house is nearly done, hope your health has improved and good luck with the birth, post again if you need support x

Thankyou am at the hospital tomorrow for a scan. I hope I carry on to be strong. I think it will be different wen am in my own place but time will tell x

Hope the scan went well. You may still have good and bad days but try to remember everything he's put you through when you have a wobble and remember you are better off without him. Once your baby comes, you will hopefully be able to get your social life restarted and get out and meet new people. I honestly love being on my own now but it took a while to get to this point.

I just feel when my baby is here he's going to try and take over I want him to be a dad but am just scared of that. My hormones have been all over the last couple of days. I seen him the over day. He offered me a lift home from shopping so I took the lift. And he went In to the petrol station and he left his phone he got a text and it started ringing. It wa a girls name came up with loads of x's on the end. Broke my heart I sat there didn't speak an over word. Have tears in my eyes when I got out the car I just broke my heart. Xxx

You are the one in charge once you're baby arrives, you dictate the amount of contact he has, he can't take over if you don't allow him to. Once you're little girl arrives, remember - YOU are in charge, YOU put him in his place if he even attempts to take over, YOU are strong. You have overcome so much and are still standing, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger and once you get over him you will come out the other side way stronger than you've ever been.
I can understand why you felt so upset at seeing the text message, you did the right thing in saying nothing to him about it. Just remember, even if he is seeing someone he will show her what type of person he is in time, he will treat her badly too, if he isn't already. There is no way on earth he is suddenly going to become this great guy who treats his girlfriend with love and respect, he hasn't got it in him, he's got to 40 behaving like this, he's never going to improve. and for after the birth x