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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Alone and pregnant

397 replies

Natalie12341 · 27/12/2014 18:03

Am 25 weeks pregnant and I split with my boyfriend 12 days ago. And am a complete mess. Am struggling to eat some days I feel ok then bang am a complete mess. He says he will support me. But everytime I message him he never replys which makes me feel even worse.. I had hospital appointments last week he didn't show. We planned a lovely Christmas together so Christmas was quite hard for me.. I have an 8 year old son from a previous r/ship he hasn't really picked up on anything. But am just really struggling. He never texts or rings to ask how I am how can someone that loved me just totally blank me. Never have I felt pain like it. It's affecting my blood pressure and I feel like am always wanting to no what he's doing ect I feel like I will crack up if I carry on.,. It's making me depressed and I just don't no what to do please help

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 07/01/2015 16:59

I'm glad your doctor is monitoring you carefully. Do think seriously about counseling. I can't tell you how helpful it can be.

Antidepressants don't mean you are mentally ill. Depression can be 'situational'. I'm not familiar with antidepressants during pregnancy so I'll not address that other than to say that your doctor would never do anything that would endanger your baby.

I'm glad you ate some toast. Next time maybe put a little peanut butter or some jam or cheese on it. Just a tiny smear. How about some cream of 'something' soup? You can even put it in a mug and drink it.

Step by step. Don't expect miracles, just little steps.

Original poster
Natalie12341 · 07/01/2015 22:02

I feel like absolute crap tonight he's on my mind! Why!!! God he's a complete dick! And I no it but whys he going threw my head!!! Hard this is probs 1 of the hardest things I've Ever had to do.!! But then I think I don't want someone tht treats me like this and utter shit!! I feel angry and sad tonight xxx

OP posts:
Original poster
Natalie12341 · 07/01/2015 22:38

Hospital appointment tomorrow plan of action is am going by my self! Fingers crosse dive not got diabetes because if I have I've obs got the worst look in the world! Xx

OP posts:
43percentburnt · 07/01/2015 22:54

Good luck tomorrow natalie. Stay positive. Try and eat little bits every now and again. Things you fancy, maybe beans on whole meal toast. Or tuna sarnies. Or jacket potatoes.

Get your friend or family to go to the hospital with you. These appointments are about you, your baby and what the two of you require to keep you both happy and healthy during the pregnancy, birth and afterwards. It is not about your ex, his rights and wants, he doesn't get this (as he appears to be an entitled prick). So take a friend who knows it's all about you and baby.

On you tube there are some great relaxation exercises. Rainbow relaxation is great. I did it two times a day. Breath in for a count of 20 and out for 20, it's really hard at first but very relaxing. It took me ages to get to the end of rainbow relaxation, I always dozed off!

Good luck op. Keep posting. Xx

inlectorecumbit · 07/01/2015 23:32

Right Nat prove to yourself you don't need that waste of space for a partner. Big deep breath and go to the hospital alone. You will be so proud of yourself if you can do this. If you have diabetes--hey ho, you will deal with it, it's not the end of the world and it can be managed just fine BUT you need to start eating. just a wee bit at a time to start, anything at all but make it count (ie not a lettuce leaf- a bite of banana would be better Grin).
You have a wonderful daughter waiting to be born and a lovely son to be proud of.
So chin up deep breath and pull it off tomorrow. If nothing else it will show your ex just what a strong woman you are who doesn't need him for anything.

x

Vivacia · 08/01/2015 07:00

Good luck this morning Natalie, make it all about you and your children.

Original poster
Natalie12341 · 08/01/2015 13:59

Been to the hospital don't get the results for a couple of days so fingers crossed. Am exhausted now going to chill for half an hour before I pick my son up from school. I just feel exhausted today pregnancy is taking it's toll on me today. Xxx

OP posts:
Vivacia · 08/01/2015 16:28

I'm glad you let us it went ok, did you manage to go with a friend or your mum?

AcrossthePond55 · 08/01/2015 17:10

My BFF had gestational diabetes. It just meant monitoring her blood sugar at home and a wee bit of tweaking of her diet. She didn't have to do shots or pills. So, I think nothing to worry about.

I think you are having a better day today? Things will be a roller coaster for awhile. You'll need to remember that and when things get bad for you remember that, like 'what goes down must come up', it will be better later.

Hope you had some good relaxation today and that you and your son did something nice, even if it's a biscuit and some telly.

Justwanttomoveon · 08/01/2015 19:21

Hi Natalie hope you've managed to have a decent rest, things always seem worse when you don't sleep well.

Hope your test results come back ok x

Original poster
Natalie12341 · 09/01/2015 09:26

I've never slept properly since I left him. I still do feel sad tbh he's got the same car that 1 of my mums neighbour and every time I see that pull into the street I think ah he's comig back!! Why am I feeling like this! Sad last night I took my son to ju-jitsu and he's got swimming lessons tonight so I am quite busy after the school run. Why can't I start feeling better :/ it's seriously got my head done in. They hormones just make me a very emotional wreck and normally am quite strong well before I was pregnant xxx

OP posts:
Justwanttomoveon · 09/01/2015 09:47

This feeling is temporary, it might last a few more months but it will not last forever. Once your baby comes and your hormones settle down you will start to feel better, it is a slow process but you will get there. I'm glad you have things to occupy your time. I bet, in a year or so, you will look back and wonder why you were so bothered. I do speak from experience, I was devastated when my ex walked out on me and our ds, I barely ate anything for a good couple of months, and I spent so much time crying, my family were really worried about me as I lost so much weight, I only slept for maybe an hour at a time and really couldn't believe I would ever get over it, honestly I was a complete mess. That was almost a year ago now and I can say with complete honesty that I'm so glad he left, I don't think I would have ever had the strength to end it so I am grateful to him for going. Now I have some distance I can see what a total prick he is and my life is moving forward for the first time in 20 years.
You will get there too, I am 100% sure of that, don't be too hard on yourself, it takes time but you will get to a point where you can look at him and feel nothing (well nothing positive anyway Grin) x

Original poster
Natalie12341 · 09/01/2015 12:22

Thanks for the advice. It is just very hard. Last time I had a full night sleep is when I was at his. It will nearly be a month next week we haven't been together it's flown other. But the pain is still quite fresh. Xx

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AcrossthePond55 · 09/01/2015 13:35

Yes, it is hard, but it is temporary. Think of it like labour. When you're in the middle of it, it seems that it's been going on forever and that it will never end. But it will end and deep inside you know that it will, you just can't truly predict when that will be. And when it's all over you're always surprised that it was much shorter than you thought and you have something wonderful for going through it. In this case, a new and happier life.

Original poster
Natalie12341 · 09/01/2015 19:13

I don't feel strong at all my head feels battered! The harder am trying the harder it feels!!! Am really trying hard I just feel so weak! I feel like tonight I want to no what he's doing if he's thinking of me! Obs he's not because if he cared for me this wouldn't of happened Sad Sad

OP posts:
Justwanttomoveon · 09/01/2015 19:54

Sometimes it feels like you take one step forward and three steps back, this is a bad day, you (unfortunately) will have more bad days but interspersed with the odd good day, then you may have 2 good days together followed by another bad day, eventually though the good days will outweigh the bad ones.
Knowing what he's up to at the moment will only make you feel worse so please try not to text him or look him up on Facebook it really will make you feel worse. He has shown himself to be a selfish and cruel individual to put you through this. You know you deserve better, at his age he is not going to change and whoever he is with next will not get any better treatment. You have had a lucky escape and I know it doesn't feel like that right now but you will see this eventually.

Justwanttomoveon · 09/01/2015 19:58

Oh and you are most certainly NOT weak, you have had your heart broken, and at the worst possible time, whilst your pregnant. You are allowed to grieve, for what should have been, for the future you thought was yours. Don't be too hard on yourself for being human x

AcrossthePond55 · 09/01/2015 21:00

You aren't weak. But maybe there would be a way to stop trying so hard. Instead of fighting the feelings which can include denigrating yourself ("How can I be so stupid, etc"), acknowledge them ("yes, I still love him"), remind yourself of why you are not with him ("but he treated me badly") and then remind yourself that it will end ("Those feelings will go away in time"). Then redirect yourself to another activity.

"Yes, I still love him but he treated me badly. Those feelings will go away in time." Pick up a book, do the dishes, paint your nails.

It's no crime to fall in love with the wrong man and it's not necessarily stupid either. We've all done it. We've all been blinded by the man or by our own hearts.

Vivacia · 10/01/2015 08:16

Some great advice there Natalie. Be kind to yourself. And if you have a slip, don't worry about telling us.

I hope you've got a good Saturday planned.

Justwanttomoveon · 10/01/2015 08:41

Morning Natalie how are you doing today?

Original poster
Natalie12341 · 10/01/2015 10:33

Nothing up to now my son is playing on his Xbox don't no what to do everyone is skint and staying in all my friends :/ my dad said he might take me out later depending if he's finished work early. Don't no what to do with my self. If I go out today I want to buy my self a book. Something that will keep my mind off things thankyou ladies for the great advice I hope I can take it xx

OP posts:
Original poster
Natalie12341 · 10/01/2015 10:36

I do feel alittle lost in my life now. As in I don't no what to do with my self anymore what I need to be doing it does sound stupid but it's true xx

OP posts:
Justwanttomoveon · 10/01/2015 11:19

Aahhhh just written a huge reply and bloody lost it!!!
I was saying a good book is a great way to escape. What sort of books are you into?
Maybe you could do a little online window shopping now for things for your new house and baby, you could even create a wish list on Amazon and then if people ask what to buy you (friends and family always want to get something when you have a little one) you can tell them to pick something off your list.
Hope your dad can take you out for a bit x

Original poster
Natalie12341 · 10/01/2015 14:44

Am going out with my dad now just gettin sorted he got a bad mirgraine coming on :/ head feels like it's going to explode. I like true story's real life. Am going to try and keep strong for the rest of today. And see how I feel later as I will be busy buying some stuff for my house and for my son xx

OP posts:
Vivacia · 10/01/2015 15:59

Have a good time OP.

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