Would you date a single mom with 4 children from 3 different partners living on benefits

[Magicman1]

Hi
For a while I have been chatting to this woman online she seems really nice but I wonder if I should date her.
I am late thirties single no children etc living up north.
We get on well and she would like to meet but I'm no sure what's best.
She has four children from three different partners. None of her exes bother with her children and she often gets depressed about her predicament of being a single mother with 4 kids living on benefits.

Do you think I should meet her or should I steer clear.
I like this woman but not sure it would be a good idea to get too involved
What do you think?

Any advice would be appreciated ladies

If only we knew if she was just after a bit of hank panky...
We could direct her to some of the pricks posting here.

Oh the charmers are out!

I would if I liked her! Wouldn't make any difference to me.

"No one plans this type of thing"

Oh I'm quite sure she didn't plan it. I don't find it hard to believe at all that they were all arseholes that fucked off and left her in the lurch. The thing is..... most people would've learnt to be a bit more cautious before rushing into anything else after the first one or two relationships went tits up. The OP said the oldest child was 7. Even if the youngest is still only baby, this means she's been having a baby with a new daddy every other year.

It isn't snobbery to say this isn't the wisest way to conduct one's family planning decisions.

I wouldn't date her because I couldn't cope with being a stepparent to 4 young children.

The fact that she suggested staying over after the date should make you run for the hills if you have any sense!

I wouldn't date a single man who had 4 children by 3 different women, who never saw them and he lived off benefits and was depressed. It is just too much baggage and before I met DH- who is another reason I would not date this imaginary man- I had enough of baggage handlers with bad judgement.
Harsh perhaps, but that would be how I felt.

You could meet up with her. One date doesn't mean a marriage proposal.

Thank you to everyone who has took the time to contribute to this thread and continue to do so you are all giving me good advice even when it is harsh so much appreciated

Only you can decide whether you would want to meet her, but if you did and you did end up in bed together, FFS use a condom before you end up being father number 4!

To be honest I would steer clear of anyone with kids, never mind 4 of them. I think it's far more trouble than it's worth.

No way.Shows poor judgement imho.

Only you will know magic man if you think this woman may have that special thing you're seeking in a partner ... If she's so great her circumstances won't matter

No I wouldn't end up father number 4 unless she tricks me lol

The thing is I can't understand why she on about me staying over when I haven t met her yet?

Oh you poor innocent boy

Do we need to spell it out?

BTW are you from the US- using the word 'Mom'?

Why don't you ask her

Yes I am American pink

No I wouldn't end up father number 4 unless she tricks me lol

How would she trick you? (And dont have sex with anyone you think might do that!) surely you would wear a condom?

I always take protection but you never know northing 100 percent

From the US .I knew it (sticks tongue out at doubters)

What wrong with that Emma smiles

I always take protection but you never know northing 100 percent

But that wouldnt be her tricking you. If a condom split/failed that would be your contraception failure and a risk you had decided to take.

Sorry magic but isn't this a little doomed already? You've made jokes about her tricking you (however lighthearted it was), cultural differences aside - it didn't make you sound that nice. You generally seem to have doubts about both her number of children and the number of fathers.

You've never met. What's the big deal? spare this lady and yourself the angst by finding someone who ticks more boxes for you.

And personally I don't think there is anything that wrong with having 4 by 3, shit happens sometimes. She may be absolutely lovely (though that staying over thing is rather I have to say.

Hmm. Well I'd hope no one would judge me.

I'm mid 30s and been married 3 times, 2 children with different husbands and I would have had a child by each one had the ivf I was having with number 2 had worked before he cheated on me and fucked off with the woman he was having an affair with.

It's easy to judge unless you know the backstory. Husband 1 I met when I was 17. We were together till I was 23 and we had a dd together. Once we had dd he literally changed overnight into an abusive controlling arsehole and I left him when dd was 6 months old. Husband 2 I met when dd was about 2 ish. He stayed until she was about 6 and suddenly decided he was leaving - he was the one having the affair. Had been perfect husband and step father up till that point - vanished into thin air and never heard from him since! Husband 3 I am happily married to now. Been together coming up to 5 years. Son together aged 2.5.

I don't really care what people think about me because they haven't lived my life. I was a very senior career woman and earned my own money throughout my marriages and now I am a very happy stay at home mum having paid of the vast majority of my mortgage from my high income days.

I wouldn't judge anyone on the basis of their relationship history.

I think it is relevant that these children are still very young. That means she can only be recently recovering from the break-up of three different relationships. Not to mention the commitments and busy life she must have bringing them up.

How she would have time for a relationship I don't know but that could be why she is ok about you staying over straight away. She is not going to be able to get out much is she?