Would you date a single mom with 4 children from 3 different partners living on benefits

[Magicman1]

Hi
For a while I have been chatting to this woman online she seems really nice but I wonder if I should date her.
I am late thirties single no children etc living up north.
We get on well and she would like to meet but I'm no sure what's best.
She has four children from three different partners. None of her exes bother with her children and she often gets depressed about her predicament of being a single mother with 4 kids living on benefits.

Do you think I should meet her or should I steer clear.
I like this woman but not sure it would be a good idea to get too involved
What do you think?

Any advice would be appreciated ladies

Wise words pink frock I have not met her but we have lots in common

No, but I like to keep my life simple.

I never wanted 4 children so I wouldn't date someone with 4 children, it wouldn't be fair on them because I'd resent their needs.

Yes, I would date a man with four children.

Is she living a long way away too?

Believe me, that would make things harder regardless of anything else.

Is this your first foray into online dating? If so, step back and start being more picky. There are loads of lovely women out there without so much potential baggage.

What Justmeddling said.

You sound too much like hard work OP so do her a kindness and give it a miss.

Vital it is not a fantasy she's keen on meeting me and we can get on yet she's asked me to stay over if we get on well after the first date

I agree with Pinkfrocks (on this one )

Phew, Windy :)

No she lives fairly local

Your last post puts a different spin on it. Staying over after one date? no, not good. This will entail meeting the children then. She likes to move fast, no wonder. I really think that spells disaster.

No, if it was the other way round I'd not date a person with multiple children by different partners plus not working. Whilt I don't look at salary I do expect a partner to work rather than rely on others.

Anyone can make a mistake in a relationship but that many shows poor judgement and a rush to have children with no commitment.

No, I wouldn't date a man in this situation.

I also wonder how on earth anyone has the energy/time/inclination to 'date' when they have four children. They clearly have a lot more energy than I do - with just one child .

I,am generally picky but seem to click with her

gulp
Why has she invited you to stay over after 1 date? This woman is bonkers. No disrespect to you but you could be a complete loon and she is happy to expose her children to you ( assume they'd be at home) or at least herself.

She sounds desperate and frankly, offering you sex as a means of getting a man.

Avoid at all costs.

She's asked you to 'stay over if you get on well on the first date' - wow, I think you should steer well clear.

Hmm, wanting you to stay over after one date. Did she mention whether the children would be in the house? If they would be, this shows a lack of judgment on her part.

She implied the kids would be with their grand parents

I'd steer clear tbh.

Why do you think it is complicated due to different dads?

I have more than 4 children by 3 different dads. One dad died one dad divorced one a donor arrangement (used more than once)

What is it that you actually think the problem is

Do u people think shes after a father for her kids then or a mealticket

She's looking for a father figure for the kids by the sounds of it, someone without their own who can slot into her life. Inviting you to stay having not even met you is not a good sign, who will have the kids? or would they be there?? Not good.

I would say the fact that she has chosen three separately crap men to have kids with suggests things are complicated.

God, op, just meet her or don't! No one can knows her motivations for sure!

a man with that many children by that many different women would be branded all sorts on here, yet if it;s the woman with that many children by that many men somehow that also must be the men's fault

Having that many children by that many different partners shows a spectacular lack of judgement, and there is no way of knowing whether the men left or whether she left them.

I remember once meeting a couple in a restaurant and they were talking about how happy they were having found each other, and then went on to talk about the man's other four children by three different women, all of whom he saw regularly and was still on amicable terms with all the mothers. yet I was when his gf said that they were so happy to have found each other (they had been together for eighteen months) and thought there was no way they'd be together five years down the line.

Benefits or not is irrelevant. Single parent is irrelevant. but yes, IMO number of children by different men or women matters.

I wouldn't personally get involved with someone who had children because I've seen first hand the issues with blending families, but the more fathers and mothers you throw into this equation the more chaos you cause for the children involved.