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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Finding it so hard to move on after husband has left....

999 replies

Hobbitwife001 · 11/12/2014 23:34

My husband of 27 years left two months ago to have a relationship with a woman I considered to be a friend, and I just can't seem to get over the pain of his betrayal.
It fills my every waking moment and I sometimes dream about it as well, that's when I get to sleep that is. I can't stand to feel this way and have started having counselling to,try and fix myself, I just feel damaged by his lies and deceit and can't find my way back to my old self. Please help lovely mumsnetters x

OP posts:
Izzie595 · 27/01/2015 10:40

Iwas your threads have had some very strongly worded opinions from others on them. I have winced at the directness of them but acknowledged also that each and every poster has done so with love and concern for you.

Your replies to some of the more direct posts have been calm and measured even when, having been in those threads from the beginning, I know how some of these comments must have wounded you.

Your comments about my situ.....not strongly put and out of concern for me

My reactions to your post.....not as calm and dignified as your replies.

That's just me. I'm more of your DD personality than ladylike iwas. Regrettably xxxxx

Izzie595 · 27/01/2015 10:45

Gorgeous..... So every time you hear a man shouting oi gorgeous you will reply "yes I'm over here.......aisle 20" grin

Original poster
Hobbitwife001 · 27/01/2015 10:57

Yes, Izzie, until I turned around, and then he would get the shock of his life! Trades descriptions act and all that, Hee Hee.

I'm on a day off today, so i am a happy bunny, going out for lunch with friends, chilling in bed with the iPad (my favourite activity, apart from working out obvs:)) and adding to the ironing pile. Washing is so easy isn't it, it the ironing that a PITA.

Catch you later , honey.xx

OP posts:
WellWhoKnew · 27/01/2015 11:03

Gorgeous did you watch Top Gear this week? It was mentioned that male bike riders are much more likely to get 'undercarriage' problems when over 40 if they over do the riding bikes...now wouldn't that Karma be a bitch!

Yep, mine was all depressed about 'work' as well yet apparently he testified in court that he begged for a divorce, as well as that he begged for me to manage my own accounts, as well as, apparently, he begged me to work harder on my marriage, and not to mentioned he begged me to make some phone calls...

I don't know who he begged all I remember is getting shouted at a lot for the hideous crime of refusing to go to the pub one night (I had flu at the time) and for not making him his dinner when I took myself off to be (with the same unreasonable flu), and, the best one was getting shouted at for the hideous crime of him inviting his parents to stay which prevented him doing what he wanted to do. Seriously, at one time I did think about begging him to come home, but thankfully, a MNetter taught me 'sometimes the best course of action is to do nothing'. And she was right.

Original poster
Hobbitwife001 · 27/01/2015 11:18

Yes, WWK, let's hope he gets knob rot of the highest calibre, and bollocks the size of grapefruit!
It was a very cruel thing to do to say he was depressed, when it was only the guilt about his affair with her that was poking his conscience, as my sisters son had committed suicide 6 months earlier on New Year's Day.

He is the very epitome of bastards, and I wish him every bad karma related misfortune. Don't forget to send me Woomen 2 s details please. Lots of love xx
Ps, maybe she can give me some insight into bike related under carriage erection dysfunction.

OP posts:
Izzie595 · 27/01/2015 17:17

Yes, WWK, let's hope he gets knob rot of the highest calibre, and bollocks the size of grapefruit!

GorgeousHobbit Grin

Original poster
Hobbitwife001 · 27/01/2015 18:17

I've now decided to decree to go back to plain ol' hobbit, as every time I see the name gorgeous, I think 'who dat?', so to avoid confusing my menopausal mind, let's go back to hobbit.

Hope all you fine ladies and gentleman are fine and dandy today, that's enough decreeing for today, lots of love... Hobbit, xx

OP posts:
Izzie595 · 27/01/2015 20:14

Hobbit, that's a shame

Meantime, serious business. See iwas thread. We need names for DH and OW. Suggestions were Brad and Angelina; Paul and Debbie [ Daniels] or

Sid [James] and Babs
Or
Sid [James] and Nancy.....these boots were made for walking

Sid is my idea. Nancy my idea. Babs Fontella's idea.

Now, Fontella my hero, likes the Sid.....and she knows what she's talking about. So get on that thread and support SID

SiD and anyone

I was all star struck again when Fontella commented re Sid and Nancy.

Love you Fontella Flowers
She's still reading our thread, we are still attracting the big guns. Not AF though. Still!

How as lunch and stuff?

PS Sid sid Sid Sid Sid Sid Sid Sid Sid Sid Sid Sid
Hahahahahahahahhahahaha in the voice of SID!

I must have caught your gin fumes tonight....xx

Izzie595 · 27/01/2015 20:20

Hobbit, how about Hobbs as a name?

It's a posh clothes shop. Probably as many branches in the arse end of NW as Waitrose.

PS don't forget to vote for SidGrin

Original poster
Hobbitwife001 · 27/01/2015 20:58

Hobbs is vair vair posh, far too posh for a simple country girl like me, don't even think they have branches in Wales :)
I'll stick with hobbit for now, lunch was delish, posh fish chips and mushy peas, and a glass ( just one) of wine.

Gonna vote now, but as I remember Sid vicious stabbed his girlfriend nancy to death, and is that the outcome we want for Iwas 's ex and ow. Maybe Sid and babs( Sid James and Barbara Windsor) would be better.

OP posts:
Izzie595 · 27/01/2015 23:03

Yes I thought too of the other Sid and Nancy. Then I though punks pogo......Grin

She did say he looked like something out of the seventies. According to my history book of popular music, punk was around in the seventies..and of course by the time iwas has taken him to the cleaners, he may need a bin bag for a shirt.....

Ok tho Sid and Babs. Me and Fontella.

Ps I've already cast your vote for Sid.....

Yahahahahah

Original poster
Hobbitwife001 · 27/01/2015 23:07

Well I take your Sid and Babs , and I raise my George and Mildred! Ya boo sucks!

OP posts:
Izzie595 · 27/01/2015 23:25

Ya boo to you, shine yer books girl, you've pulled on Saturday. George and Hobbs!!

Yahahahahahhahah

Take a tesco carrier bag for his head my love. Stockings and an orange could come in handy too

Original poster
Hobbitwife001 · 27/01/2015 23:31

George and Hobbit sitting in a tree- K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Hee Hee
I don't really think so do you? Xx

OP posts:
iwashappy · 27/01/2015 23:40

You are making me laugh tonight. I bet you are all jealous of Babs/Nancy/Olive/Mildred now!! x

Izzie595 · 27/01/2015 23:42

I'm not jealous at all, I'm getting paid Grin

Izzie595 · 27/01/2015 23:45

Shall I call in on you for a cuppa afterwards?

familyofthree2014 · 27/01/2015 23:46

I am sorry to spoil the fun but I am in a panic and feel like I need to reach out. I feel so lonely and I cant stop horrible thoughts going round my head. Everything is so unknown and sometimes it really just overwhelms.

I feel like he's going to get away with it by fooling everyone at court but then mess the children around because he doesn't actually want them he just wants to win. Be a brilliant Dad to this new child and great partner to the OW. Make me move out of our home to fund a house with his new family. He does not care where we go. Avoid maintenance. Live happily ever after when I'm miserable and on my own for the rest of my life.

Oh dear. Bad night!

Izzie595 · 27/01/2015 23:47

Hobbit, no longer the gorgeous one.....beggars and all that? Grin

familyofthree2014 · 27/01/2015 23:49

Please ignore my pity party. Sometimes it just has to get out and it was either post that or smash another glass in the garden.

iwashappy · 27/01/2015 23:50

Just realised you can't have the money Izzie as it's going to be part of my divorce settlement!!! So you will have to do it for pleasure only. You might want to make that wine afterwards then! x

Izzie595 · 27/01/2015 23:54

Oh family, your imagination is working overtime tonight.

Remember, these judges see these things all the time. They aren't fooled by people like him.

And the likelihood of that relationship lasting is minimal.

I'm hoping someone else will be along to add something useful

Izzie595 · 27/01/2015 23:56

Family, you post if you want. But I fully understand what you mean about getting it out. It's a horrible horrible time. But it won't last forever

familyofthree2014 · 28/01/2015 00:00

But he is so clever. I don't know if I mean clever - maybe convincing is a better word. He'll say one thing to someone to get what he wants and then the opposite to someone else to get what he wants from them. I have never had to deal with anyone so devious before and it terrifies me that I'll slip up in some way and he will do everything he can to destroy me. I don't know why he wants to but he does.

Izzie595 · 28/01/2015 00:00

Can't talk now iwas, I'm just doing a three point turn on the motorway.....