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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Finding it so hard to move on after husband has left....

999 replies

Hobbitwife001 · 11/12/2014 23:34

My husband of 27 years left two months ago to have a relationship with a woman I considered to be a friend, and I just can't seem to get over the pain of his betrayal.
It fills my every waking moment and I sometimes dream about it as well, that's when I get to sleep that is. I can't stand to feel this way and have started having counselling to,try and fix myself, I just feel damaged by his lies and deceit and can't find my way back to my old self. Please help lovely mumsnetters x

OP posts:
WellWhoKnew · 26/01/2015 00:04

I'm only really insightful because of how much support I got 'behind the scenes' from MNetters, some of whom are having/have had a horrific time of it and many of whom are having their own litigation hell.

It was several things that made me sit up with moments of revelation. 1) Very secretly (although I have no problem admitting it now because of where I am in the court process) I decided to take a holiday (you can figure out when from my thread...). I went all around England meeting MNetters for ten days in the flesh - a big no-no ordinarily. It got me out of my depression and I'm so glad I did it. It was a huge secret at the time, and took quite a bit of planning, what with MrSW being a bit of a 'control freak' financially (even SHL was opposed to it) - but I needed to escape for a bit!

I realised that divorce/litigation hell was very much a script, and no matter what the 'individual circumstances of each of our cases' were - our feelings, words, thoughts were almost identical every single time. We could cry openly, we could discuss our frustrations, our finances, anything really - because divorce/litigation hell is just such a lonely thing - you have to be in it to understand it. Like any traumatic stress, once you've got through it, you're over it and you'll never remember just how bad it feels. But first you've got to get through it.

  1. I never met a single person I couldn't respect and admire in their own right. They are all utterly likeable, not a single one did I think: yep, you deserved this. Because of the Dear STBXH thread, I've now met a lot of fascinating, interesting, funny, witty, wonderful women - all being battered by a situation rarely of their own making, and many of whom were married to very sub-standard men. These women all deserve better.

  2. Sometimes I just want to yell at you, saying 'stop trying to figure him out', focus on you, be nice to yourself, stop doing whatever you're doing. But to do so would be outrageous because a) it would make me a monumental hypocrite and b) it's part and parcel of trying to come to terms with this - it's "just" a stage to get through. We will all heal (albeit we'll have scars) but no one can cure us.

PS: Hobbit is gorgeous in real life. And hilarious!

Izzie595 · 26/01/2015 00:22

He run off in a huff, went to her for a roof and whatever, and now he is stuck. Hardly sees kids. One not interested, the other is loyal only because he is his father, but he has no respect for him. He can't bear to hear the truth. He's emotionally retarded and naive. And he's basically master of his own downfall.

All he has left is financial control. Or so he thinks.

He hasn't even looked at what is a likely scenario. He thinks he will bung me a few hundred quid a month and will keep the rest of his salary. House he will maybe retain financial interest to keep kids where they are. I am disposable now. Truth is, on a minimal search he will lose a third of his salary to me, more than half of his pensions, let alone lose more than half of all assets. Holiday home will go too. He is living with someone financially self supporting. That will count against him. And so will the fact that he will inherit a substantial sum when his 92 year old dad goes. I've done my research. I just need a smart solicitor to twist the knife and ensure I get all this. AND if he does any dodgy financial dealings, I can report hi to the financial authorities as he is governed by law and it's a stackable offence. He know that I know that.

I will be guided by solicitors. Will know the difference between speculate to accumulate and money down the drain. He won't.

And if he doesn't pay household bills now, financial difficulties. In the shit with his authorities at work.

Izzie595 · 26/01/2015 00:25

Off to bed now with a headache, oh ho oh, bit like old times, ladies!

Will catch up posts tomorrow when in a better frame of mind

Die you bastard!

Izzie595 · 26/01/2015 00:26

Family, join me in some ibuprofen xxx

Izzie595 · 26/01/2015 00:26

It helps knowing we are not alone. Hugs, we both need some xxxxxx

familyofthree2014 · 26/01/2015 00:31

Xxxxx

Izzie595 · 26/01/2015 02:27

Hobbit the first bit of my story.. Things weren't right in the marriage, I was probably having a mid life crisis. He wouldn't listen, however many times I told him. So one day I told him the marriage was over. I stayed living in the house. I had no choice. He refused to leave to give me some space, he could have gone to his parents. Mine are dead. A few months later I met someone, I wasn't looking for anyone, it just happened. I kept it quiet from him, didn't want to hurt him.. I cried a lot, guilt, upset at hurting him by ending the marriage. When he asked me eventually was there someone else, I admitted it but played it down, said it was nothing, meant nothing etc. which wasn't actually how I felt at the time. Then mr devastated met her. I suspect it may have been via internet dating. This was maybe 4 months after I ended marriage. He made it obvious, positively screamed from the rooftops till I asked him. He said in a very spiteful way "well I thought that was obvious!". I was hurt, having been so wracked with guilt, and being mindful of how I played it down when I told him. I said in a hurt tone "it didn't take you long to get over things then, did it". His reply in a very aggressive tone "you are so bitter". I now see that as projecting. So that where she came from. Within 6 weeks he knew all about her nervous breakdown, her nasty ex husband, the nasty ex boyfriend, the whole tragedy of her life. Erm warning bells! Anyway, after a few months I asked him for a reconciliation. Ended my relationship with a very nice man who was very understanding. HE delayed ending it with her because she went to pieces when he told her I wanted a reconciliation. He finally ended it with her, found the balls to do it. Then within a few weeks she was texting him saying she was having a nervous breakdown., he should have stayed away but felt responsible. And that brings me back to my previous post about it. People in RL who know all the ins and outs all agree that she is a very clever manipulative bitch. And he, despite many many signs of what was happening, couldn't see it. Playing the victim brings him back. And fuelling my suspicions or planting evidence has set me and him against each other and sends him off to the port of call. The last time he was with her she was threatening to tell me if she didn't see more of him. That is why he confessed. He ended it, having told her crisis team and her parents. She had a panic attack lasting a whole day, and he had to deal with it. Three weeks later she announced she had breast cancer. Her trump card.

How I managed to survive those mindfuck years I will never know.

He has changed over the years since meeting her. He has said things about me and our marriage that could only have come from her, things like me unilaterally suspending the marriage whilst I had an affair. Yet his meeting her was somehow different, so wasn't an affair! It was like living in a surreal world with all this sort of stuff. He was the only person who was out of step with everyone else.

I don't hold him blameless, he did a lot of damage and saw my distress. But Hobbit asked about her, so that what I've focused on.

Now, I have no respect for him. He has changed beyond all recognition. She doesn't have my husband, she has someone I don't want to know.

And all this my kids lived through. They know all this. And that's why they will never have anything to do with her. Not because she became the OW, but the way she conducted things. I could have forgiven if she had got him by "fair" means, by being the person he fell in love with etc. But she systematically set out to destroy my family, and she didn't care one bit about the damage she did to my kids. She even made a false malicious allegation to social services about me physically abusing my youngest son. That's why he is so much more hardened in his attitude towards him. He had to sit in a room with a social worker asking him all about how I chastised him etc etc, and telling him how he could contact them etc.They closed the file, officially a malicious allegation. I have never hit him ever. Sick bitch.

Izzie595 · 26/01/2015 02:39

I forgot to mention that she had depression. Apparently caused in large part by the uncertainty of her rel with him. Yes, she was the victim for shagging someone else's husband.

If I was involved with someone just out of his marriage, knowing he had been dumped by the wife.....well I just wouldn't get involved. But if I did, I would certainly clear off once I knew the wife was asking for a reconciliation. Far too much hassle. Yet she had the steel to cling on. But still played the victim. Unbelievable.

Izzie595 · 26/01/2015 03:02

I decided not to go to bed tonight. Too late and worried about oversleeping. That email from him I'm sure was deliberately sent late as he knew the effect it would have on me. I don't have a problem with viciousness really, it's the lies, the twisting of the truth, the little points that are unfair and inaccurate. The total blaming of me. The avoidance of the issue, and the leaving out of the facts that put a different spin on it. Then the ending of the I'm so fucking reasonable I should be a saint and you need to go get yourself calmed down you stupid woman.

I can't deal with that. It must have taken him hours to draft. Last night he could have just smoothed things over. But he lied, saying he would bring the car over later. Then got arsey when he could see I wasn't falling for it. I couldn't even read it, I skimmed it, my stress levels went through the roof.

I emailed to say I had skimmed and binned. Told him any further emails would get binned after an unpleasant first sentence. Blocked him on phone.

I feel disgusted by having to admit I was married to this pile of shite. And I feel tainted by having posted my back story. It is one horrible disgusting ......and I just want to eradicate it from every part of my life and my mind.

WellWhoKnew · 26/01/2015 03:14

Izzie sleep is the most precious commodity, but that said, yep - it's a hard thing to acquire in divorce.

I'm KOKO-ing because divorce sucks!

IF I had a magic wand, I'd wave away his fuckwittery. Sadly, I don't.

You're going to be just mighty fine, you really are.

WWK.

Izzie595 · 26/01/2015 04:45

Thank you WWK, I will be. Im getting all of this out of my system. Was too late to go to bed and expect to get up in the morning.

To keep myself awake I have sent an email with a list of searching questions. Rounded it off with the following:

Please explain why I can see through your lies and manipulations, and can predict your next move

Please explain if I will be given a choice of which road the shoebox will be placed in

Please send me full details of your pensions, a complete list of share holdings, including certificate numbers, copies of the cc statements for the accounts you use, a detailed list of your living expenses, your marbles, if you can find them, the shirt off your back, a full and unreserved apology for your behaviour over the car, a double decker, some truth, some respect and some forceps, which will come in very handy for getting the rest of your body out from your arse

Feel free to send this letter to Jarndyce and Jarndyce, they will have a good laugh about it and charge you for the privilege. My solicitors will deal with your missives in a timely manner. Their office address is [the address of the local tip! recycling centre]Please check their opening times to save a wasted journey.

izzie
Xxxxxxxxxx

Izzie595 · 26/01/2015 05:25

Final text

I have lost another nights sleep because of you, there is a huge difference between angry texts sent in a moment and huge emails which have taken hours to prepare and are set out to deliberately and systematically provoke and upset. The same as your actions over the share certificates. I was extremely distressed by that and you dare to accuse me of harrassing someone about that. You listened to those voicemails, you know the truth. Because of your systematic grinding me down with your endless unreasonable demands, coupled with your ignoring of every request made by me, and your despicable controlling attitude towards the finances, coupled with your arrogant attitude to your rights to privacy to spend exactly what you want.....I refuse to have any more dealings with you. Don't bother replying, you have been blocked for my own peace of mind

Hobbitwife001 · 26/01/2015 09:52

Oh Izzie, I do feel for you honey, I'll be worrying about you today in work, :(
The best thing I did for my own sanity was to go no contact,and if I had to ,it was one word, or one phrase only. As soon as I did engage with him again about no provision for our youngest son, my anxiety ramped up again. Please try to stop the texts and emails between you now, it's a joint account if you need a car, you don't need his permission, just make sure the funds are available and don't give him any more control.
The time where he decided and decreed what choices you make is over, he chose to leave, he has no right to say what car or how much or anything like that . You do not need to consult him on anything any longer. Sending you a big hug.xx

OP posts:
Hobbitwife001 · 26/01/2015 10:03

Ps, you are not his friend, he is not your financial advisor, end of!
You did try to give him every chance of doing the right thing with the car, he chose to make it a huge issue, and another chance to attack you for some perceived slight. Fuck him! Pardon my French ! Lots of love xx

OP posts:
sakura · 26/01/2015 10:20

Just want to offer my support Hobbitwife.
I am a bit of a lurker on these threads right now as I've left my husband. The shit hasn't hit the fan yet and we are "amicable". I'm having the kids (I was frightened to death he would fight me for them, claiming his mother could be the full-time carer while he worked) and I'm not fighting for any money from him, or a share in the house we bought. I just want to move on.

But the reason I posted is because WellWhoKnew's post above just had me bowled over. Wellwhoknew, I've also read some of your thread and then to read that you took 10 days off and just went around the country meeting up with mumsnetters is one of the most amazing thing I've ever read... in my life, really! I have met some mumsnetters IRL and yes, the experience was fabulous. Hats off to you for just thinking "fuck it, I'm going" and then just DOING it and going off and meeting other women. Wonderful!!!

Hobbitwife001 · 26/01/2015 10:27

Hi Sakura , welcome, although in horrible circumstances I know, please make sure you get proper financial advice, why are you not asking for any of the joint assets? You will need stability for you and your children, have you seen a solicitor? I hope you are ok,
Ps WWK is just as lovely and funny in RL . Xx

OP posts:
sakura · 26/01/2015 10:49

I guess I don't want it to turn nasty. There is another woman. Tbh, when I discovered the texts, my first thought was, "Yesssss. I can get the hell out of here!" I took photos of the evidence, told him he'd been found out, and was gone with the kids a week later, before he even had time to know what had hit him. I had been living abroad, so I made him sign a document saying that I he would give me permission to return to the UK with the children. I was frightened of the Hague convention, and that is what kept me with him for so long. But he just signed away, and I got us onto a plane.

It was like the great escape as far as I was concerned. My mother flew over for 2 nights to help me in case the fucking tight-knit clan I had married into tried to prevent me from leaving. And they did try. If she hadn't turned up for moral support, I can imagine them somehow preventing me from getting to the airport on time.

He has sent me 500 quid (lol) , but basically my mother has been supporting me financially as I try to get the children set up in their new school and country.

When you are in these international marriages, you know that if you can leave with the children, you've won, basically. Anything else is the icing on the cake. I am worried that if I fight him for financial support, then he in turn will begin laying claims on the children. I don't want them to return to that country in case he prevents them from getting back on the plane. There are cases all over the internet women naively allowing their ex-husband to take their children to Iran or wherever for a holiday, only to find that the husband doesn't bring the children back.

So I'm going to cut my losses, and hopefully he'll forget all about us.

sakura · 26/01/2015 11:07

I suppose that I should really start thinking about organizing some sort of child maintenance from him, at least.

I think I'm still in shock, really lol!

greenberet · 26/01/2015 11:20

morning all

ive just been catching up - i miss the late night chat as am zonked out with ST - Izzie without these my mind would be going all night - im worried about you - is it right you have the other meeting this week too -

im sorry all your DHs seem to be moving onto the next stage - this is the real nasty stuff now - izzie i think i said my Dh is in same industry as yours - he has made sure he has protected anything that could have an adverse effect on him - but I can go to the dogs! As for the thinking of OW they must be made of some evil stuff - my DH employs her - wouldn't get rid off her at the beginning as "was cruel to her kids" - never mind whats shes doing to yours then by breaking up your family - they have to be weak thats all I can say - too weak to stand on their own feet - ruin their own relationships and then do the same to some other woman - im sure she must have her eyes set on his business too - she wants it all!

izzie - get those negative thoughts out your head - its not about you or us - its them that are disgusting in every sense of the word!

WWK - your travel round the country amazing - good for you and i bet you have made some really good friendships! we all have to do what we can to get through this!

hobbit -the anger is our continual reminder that we are being treated so badly - now we know what is happening this is our body telling us that we are under threat and is preparing us to fight - it keeps us standing up to the bullying behaviour of DHs.

iwas - its all about the kids - all these men will have been displaying their behaviour to a lesser extent throughout the marriages - the kids will have picked up some of this without realising - my job is to watch out for these bits and get the kids to realise that it is not how decent people behave - no matter how badly you have "fucked up" you admit your mistakes, you say sorry and you clear up your own mess - you dont move on until you have done this - this way you retain some respect & dignity and can still hold your head high. Our DHs are all rummaging around in the gutter because no matter what they do they can never do this - they have gone too far and if nothing else I will always have my kids respect!

For those who have been having counselling & stopped - mine has kept me going just someone who says so matter of factly that how I am being treated is dispicable.

I was looking through that book last night with DD - so many useful quotes & sadly most of the relationship issues exactly DH- somehow reading these positive quotes things just before i go to sleep helps.

I feel fairly calm today - have no idea why - i have sorted out my arrangements for Thursday - think that is a big weight of my mind - and everything else is strangely quiet!

big hugs & strength to everyone xx

WellWhoKnew · 26/01/2015 14:07

sakura welcome to the thread - your decision to bring the children back to the UK is impeccable, I doff my cap to you. Get the children settled in to their new lives, hold off any divorce for a year or two, if you think you can. Or stick to your Plan A. But whatever happens, good luck.

Hobbit "The best thing I did for my own sanity was to go no contact". This implies anyone who goes NC is sane. We're not, you know. We're all a bunch of 'mad ex-wives to be' Wink. But, wordage aside, I really do think it helps to go NC and keep things brutally short when you have to have contact.

Green glad to see that you're now realising what's important in life - you and the children. He can just 'fuck off' as I'm apt to say. Good luck for Thursday but I'm with your counsellor - you are being treated dreadfully.

sakura · 26/01/2015 16:53

Hey WWK,
Thanks! :) [doffs cap back]

Yes I agree with you that I should hold off divorce for a year or so until everything settles and the children are "habitual residents" of the UK, and I've all my benefits sorted out. I'm not allowed to claim any kind of benefits until I've been here 3 months. Anyway, enough about me :)

catsrus · 26/01/2015 17:33

delurking to say hang on in there, it WILL all be better in the end - even if you are worse off financially - you can't put a price on the freedom you will feel once it's all over. I'm 4 yrs post him leaving, he's 3yrs into his marriage with OW and the grass has really not been greener on the other side for him well if you will marry a bunny boiler because you want to be with someone who needs you
Detach Detach Detach is my advice - and if you have children you will probably rejoice in the great new relationship you have with them. Well done WWK on your adventure, sounds brilliant! Grin.

Izzie595 · 26/01/2015 18:31

Hi Hobbit, I'm very tired, obviously, but reasonably ok.

The financials. I've never asked his permission to spend etc, but two car purchases are a major expense [both need changing]. The amount spent affects what's left for the future financial settlement, so we were always going to negotiate on what we saw as a reasonable amount to spend in total. I needed him to give me some idea of what he saw as a workable amount, although I already had an amount in mind, but didn't want to reveal that amount if possible.

As the plan is to trade in his car first, ie the one I'm driving, I need his signature to hand over the car. Also his signature to remove the personalised plate. Also, I don't fancy having to negotiate a car purchase by myself etc etc so I'm happy to take him along for my own benefit.

As for the rest of it, if we are to negotiate a financial settlement ourselves, with solicitors acting in an advisory role, then boundaries need to be set. I summonsed him to a meeting with me a few weeks ago to clear the air over various issues, and he took my points. Also admitted that he found it hard to see me taking control of certain financial matters after he had set up systems etc over many years. I do understand that, it's like someone trying to tell me to rearrange my kitchen cupboards, for instance, and I tell them to bog off. And I have changed allsorts of things since he's been gone. It's nearly three months now, and he can see the reality of his life. Doesn't see much of his sons, living in a house he doesn't like, without most of his usual stuff around him, the realisation that he will not be seeing his sons on major events anymore, eg Xmas, birthdays etc.. Not a part of his old family, not a bona fide resident where he now lives. An unsettling time for him, as well as me. Of his own making of course. So I think he's clinging to the one area where he has control. Except I've been muscling in too.

Anyway, I had already made it clear that I wasn't going to deal with emails of a certain type and of a certain tone because I found it stressful and upsetting. And I restated that today. He seems to have conceded the point. If I get abusive, he gets officious. I don't apologise for getting abusive but I expect an apology for officious. If I get officious, he has more patience than me, so I get worse than I dished out. I do bring it on myself but I retain the right to be the victim. I've learnt that from sicko unstable bitch.

Today I re read my sarky piss taking messages, felt better and decided that there were still some issues re the cars. And that I needed to get the car sorted more than to ignore him. So texted to say I think this is a good idea etc etc and if I spend too much, I can always sell one of my kidneys to fund the difference. Also one saying he needed to sign a form here. And in ref to his horrible email last night, during which he accused me of trespass because I parked on her drive [extreme twat last night] ..said "I may be in disguise when you see me as the filth are after me for a spot of overnight camping on private property". Basically the point being cut the pompous shit because I won't take it seriously. I thought, you either negotiate and communicate as I decide, or you can fuck off. So he came back with an acknowledgment and a joke. He will learn. It's a battle of wills, and I generally win most of those.

So although I'm peeved that he wouldn't hand back my car, I've felt a bit more reassured that it is just POTENTIALLY dangerous [ I'm kamikaze], so I will live with it for a while so I don't have to drive a manual car until replacement. I'm getting the car I want, price about what I want, got him holding my hand at the garage, figuratively speaking, and getting it moving finally.

Note to self, don't put myself in a situation where he gets officious. And if I do......to take a few hours out and reply in a way that cuts through the crap, diffuses the situation and takes back control of the manner of communication. Because I neither want nor need any more aggravation than necessary when going for final settlement.

Financial partners we are for now, as we still run all stuff as before, joint bank account etc, me using his credit card. That status quo is to stay until negotiations start. At which point, clearly things change.

Izzie595 · 26/01/2015 18:34

well if you will marry a bunny boiler because you want to be with someone who needs you

Ooh Catsrus, I can relate to that. Not me being the bunny boiler, clearly. Well, only I the texting departmentGrin

catsrus · 26/01/2015 18:55

I think a lot of them follow the same pattern - all thinking they are so unique and only they have ever experienced this [bless their naive cotton socks] AND remember Izzie the opposite of love isn't hate - it's indifference! you need to cultivate that and use your amazing energy and talent on something worth doing - not that waste of space! Grin