Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Finding it so hard to move on after husband has left....

999 replies

Hobbitwife001 · 11/12/2014 23:34

My husband of 27 years left two months ago to have a relationship with a woman I considered to be a friend, and I just can't seem to get over the pain of his betrayal.
It fills my every waking moment and I sometimes dream about it as well, that's when I get to sleep that is. I can't stand to feel this way and have started having counselling to,try and fix myself, I just feel damaged by his lies and deceit and can't find my way back to my old self. Please help lovely mumsnetters x

OP posts:
Izzie595 · 25/01/2015 11:13

Never mind a tampon, I'd like to shove his dodgy car up his arse! My ex, not Charles.

greenberet · 25/01/2015 11:16

my opening offer was sell the house - take out £80k for school fees- & split the difference ah yes - we can live in a one bed flat - and the business - what about that then? - oh forgot not worth anything!

greenberet · 25/01/2015 11:16

somebody else's words "ON ANOTHER PLANET!"

greenberet · 25/01/2015 11:18

izzie are you feeling a bit better now - you sound it - me too - go & get some stuff done ! :-)

Izzie595 · 25/01/2015 11:20

Green, unbelievable! Well mine is apparently absolutely focused on giving me a fair settlement.....so I'm now thinking that maybe I will be allowed to take the shit on his shoes!

Izzie595 · 25/01/2015 11:21

Yes both of us feeling better. TG for humour. Will check back later, I get the alerts when a new post xx

greenberet · 25/01/2015 11:42

strong - you are right on the DD front - actually I need to remember that and turn it around and see it as a positive that she feels she can trust me enough to expose her true feelings - she knows i am not going to hurt her - sometimes hard to remember when you are hurting yourself - actually something she showed me this week made me realise exactly how much she thinks of me - made me blub - at one time it would have more than likely been DH but he never saw what he had and he will never have it again.

Izzie595 · 25/01/2015 11:54

Couldn't resist it....sent a text saying that the "late last night" email was sent at 20.15. But that whatever his interpretation of late may be, it is widely recognised that morning finishes at 12 PM, then it is afternoon. And therefore I assume his response he said will be sent "this morning" will be sent before 12.01 PM. Twat!

Izzie595 · 25/01/2015 11:55

I will respond to things if they amuse me, but am not going to bother with dealing with all the other shit that will be in his email due "this morning"

Izzie595 · 25/01/2015 11:59

Oh, he will reply when he is ready, and "this morning clearly means as soon as I can". My reply along the lines of where I come from, this morning means this morning, but meantime.........and then I sent the text about how much to spend etc.

Wanker!

I'm enjoying this!Grin

Izzie595 · 25/01/2015 12:09

Oh drifting is not going to be happy with me....I just sent a text saying ps that hall [her house] looks dingy and dated, let me know if you want some advice on tasteful decor

Well I may not have a safe car but I have my sense of humour and sanity. Both of which he sadly lacks.

Izzie595 · 25/01/2015 12:19

The Bitch is Back.....

The fever's gonna catch you when the bitch gets back

Stone cold sober as a matter of fact

I can bitch, I can bitch, cos I'm better than you, it's the way that I move, the things that I do

greenberet · 25/01/2015 12:58

izzie - just go careful - this is how i get before a fall and I think it was you that said you recognised the pattern of posting when you cant get it out your head

im thinking of youxx

greenberet · 25/01/2015 13:01

but if you need to then carry on - if i was nearby id come & get you - are your sons around

WellWhoKnew · 25/01/2015 13:15

Hello all, I'm back from the party - it was lovely. I haven't laughed so much for ages and ages. And I got to share a bed with a dog...which was unexpected. It was a real dog, albeit a male one, but all snuffly and cuddly. He didn't snore or fart so a vast improvement on MrSW. I so want a dog but given the uncertainty surrounding my life right now, I can't have one. I'm so looking forward to being a "growed-up person" when MrSW decides to re-emerge on planet Earth.

Izzie may heart bleeds for you, you sound so angry and frustrated, and I don't blame you - I really don't: this divorcing malarky is ruddy hard. I'm tempted to go and get your car for you! The thing I've learnt is that getting anything resolved in divorce is so complicated and takes so long. It gives you such high levels of patience that you can make a saint look testy. I will, however, confess I have nearly worn out the hall carpet walking back and forth some days.

Green - that's it I don't think they think for one minute about the damage they do to their own children, who have been deceived to the same degree, and are hurting themselves. These men are utterly deluded if they pretend otherwise. I think they are in the 'bubble' of doing something 'new and exciting' but at some point it goes 'pop'. I'm of the mind these days, they can blame who they like, they are just words, but it doesn't mean they are not responsible for the mess because of their actions.

Hobbit I hope you're having a marvellous day at work.

greenberet · 25/01/2015 13:18

actually Ive just realised something - ive been stupid - it doesn't matter what Im doing today - what matters is that my kids are right here with me - we are doing things as our new family - the 3 of us and the dog! that is whats important - i dont need to be doing stuff to fill a void I created - because there isnt one - I have all I need or want right here with me! and the time will come for other things but right now my place is with my kids!

and I havent even looked at the book yet! :-)

WellWhoKnew · 25/01/2015 13:24

Green - that's so lovely to read. Print that out and put it on your fridge to keep you focused each day.

Izzie595 · 25/01/2015 13:26

Thanks green. I haven't done anything since. I'm letting him drop himself in it with this. At the end of the day he is refusing to do anything about the fact that I am driving a dangerous car and preventing me going to get a replacement. I would say that it is extremely unreasonable behaviour and that a solicitor would have a field day with this.

No my sons are both out. I'm best off by myself at the moment.

I just know I won't get a reply today.

I have a few episodes of financial stuff where he has caused great distress, and I will pass them onto a solicitor if it turns nasty, you know what I mean. He is being a financial bully.

I'm pondering what to do about the car. At the end of the day it's joint funds, so I'm entitled to spend a reasonable amount on a car. And we have agreed that the car should be replaced ASAP. But I want to get what's right for me. I don't want to get it so cheap that it's too reasonable, if you see what I mean, and then I'm stuffed having to change that car sooner rather than later. I'm worried about securing a car and then finding he has blocked access to funds to pay for it. I'm worried that if I move out funds in readiness, he will use that as an excuse to ramp it up financially.

He damn well knows I use the car to give his youngest son a lift.

I will reply when I get his reply saying what I've asked countless times before, how much and where from. Believe me, when I saw that car report, I was really nervous about driving it round there. Even. Ore nervous driving it back. I'm trying to put it to the back of my mind

Izzie595 · 25/01/2015 13:45

WWK , good for you last night! Sounds just the tonic [plus gin] and very well deserved by you. Aw I'm so jealous about the dog! We had dogs until a year or so ago. I still get broody when I see some dogs. I will end up as dog woman eventually. Once I've been through my all white house phase, obviously!

Thank you for understanding, and support as always.

When I get the car sorted I will drive his to his new shit pad and leave it there, Well, it's his! and there is no room for it on my drive.

Green, you are right, there is nothing missing in your life. I remember a diary entry I did maybe 18 months ago. It said something like I was sitting in the garden imagining my life two years from now. I would be in a new house, me and the kids. I would have peace and serenity. I acknowledged that I would have to go through a lot to achieve that, but the end result would be worthwhile. We, all of us, are on that road. I have quite a few divorced friends. They say that the sense of peace is the best part of it.

I suppose, and I ve thought about this many times......as much as we want revenge, and people say the best revenge is a happy life......it's true. Because once we are happy, we really can't be bothered to care about the past. Their lives unravel all by themselves, by their own actions. That is probably the best outcome, knowing that they did it all to themselves.

Original poster
Hobbitwife001 · 25/01/2015 17:45

I'm back! Work was boring and shitty, thank you for asking WWK, but needs must as the devil drives, and all that malarkey, so jealous of your party going antics and dog snuggling :) plenty of gin partaken I hope.
You know my dog, noisy little bitch just like me, but I luffs her!
I loved that last bit of your post Izzie, you are right, I would love my revenge to be taken with a double barrelled shotgun, but I'm not Liam Neeson, I'm a 5ft 3in , 53 year old, 9st 9lbs, hobbity faced woman, and my revenge is the dish that is best served cold. Life is not like it is in the movies, and great wrongs are sometimes not put right straight away, but I think we will all be much better off without our faithless partners in the end, eventually they will have done us a favour, as we are happier in our new lives with our children, and enjoying our new freedom .

OP posts:
Original poster
Hobbitwife001 · 25/01/2015 17:48

As you can gather from that last post, i am still filled with anger about fuckface and bitchface! Ha ha, so much for a cool head, Green, :)

OP posts:
Original poster
Hobbitwife001 · 25/01/2015 17:51

Went to see Taken 3 last week, might have got a little bit carried away with the revenge scenario, ( wouldn't mind getting taken away by Liam Neeson though):) xx

OP posts:
Original poster
Hobbitwife001 · 25/01/2015 17:54

'The three of us and the dog', sounds like my family too Green, xx
Hope you are ok and not too concerned about your medical procedure, big hug, xx

OP posts:
Izzie595 · 25/01/2015 18:15

Hobbit, you make me laugh, you are so warm and funny.

Well I appear to have some resolution about the car.

Firstly though, a few life lessons to learn. If you ask for the return of something belonging to you that is UNACCEPTABLE

Secondly, if your ex grants you permission to spend a certain amount from joint funds, you must still CHECK AGAIN to ensure you have his PERMISSION at the time of purchase.

Thirdly, if your ex wants you to trade in a car belonging to him and you say you can't do it, that is being DIFfICULT

Fourthly, if you wish him to sign over the car as a trade in, this can only be done IF SUITABLY ARRANGED IN ADVANCE

Also, remember that you are to give him the full details of the car so that he can CHECK IT IS SUITABLE

I have texted him giving him a lessons, none of which make pleasant reading if you are a cheating twat, but every single one of them were home truths. And as we all know, taunts don't like home truths.

Well, I don't like being treated like I'm a fucking pauper and he is Father Christmas.

WWK I have now called him master of the universe and keeper of the purse. He probably sees it as a complimentGrin

The personalised plate remains on the car. I have texted, yes again, to say that I cannot arrange this myself as this would be fraud, so would he like to make an appointment to "attend" his property and "review the documentation". Which are the words the stupid twat used before when I wanted something done about some paperwork. Yes, he thinks he is very professional. Professional twat?

I wonder if he liked the text I sent about him being an insignificant little nobody who thinks he is master of all [wwk], comparing him to a twatty manager we both knew in previous life.

I don't give a fuck about what I've said. I'm quite happy for them to be seen by all if that were the case. They are all true. And I don't call him a cunt. Because, when it comes to him, I can think of many more truisms without resorting to swearing.

Drifting won't be pleased. Oh tough shit!

Izzie595 · 25/01/2015 18:32

Hobbit, I am no longer angry at my equivalent OW. I'm bloody grateful to herGrin

Swipe left for the next trending thread