To be sat on the sofa crying again because MIL is a cunt and DH is a spineless little mummy's boy.

[BramwellBrown]

Sorry long but it doesn't make sense otherwise and I don't want to drip feed.

MIL has spent the last 7 years bullying and belittling me at every opportunity and can be really spiteful.

MIL decided she would take DD to visit a different Father Christmas this year, one of the expensive ones that has a petting farm with reindeer, DD loved the reindeer and said he wasn't a bad Father Christmas as it goes but his grotto wasn't as good as the 'real one' I usually take DD to at the church fair, where FC knows DD's name and asks how her dog is etc (and is my Dad). MIL 'oh for goodness sake you're 6 any normal child your age knows the truth by now, that grubby church hall your mum takes you to isn't real either, there's no such thing as Father Christmas and Christmas is just a made up load of commercial rubbish celebrating the birth of an imaginary baby.' DD is really upset and doesn't even want her advent calendar because she says there's nothing to look forward to now, I know DD was likely to find out the truth about Father Christmas soon and fully expected this to be the last year she really believed in him but I'm furious that MIL would be so spiteful as to tell her like that or imply there was something wrong with her for not knowing and can't even describe how angry I am about the rest of it, I'm Catholic.

MIL then came round yesterday with a huge shopping bag of sweets for DD and none for DS as hes not DH's biological son I told DD to pick 1 for her and 1 for DS and I'd put the rest away for later, MIL starts on about me being mean and ridiculous, part of childhood is eating sweets til you feel sick I mentioned to MIL how upset DD is and MIL started screaming in my face and calling me stupid, DS tried to stick up for me but DH didn't say a word, then this morning MILs just text saying shes picking DD up from school at 3.15, I've said not today, she sent back 'it wasn't a question'. as it happens DD has a school play this afternoon so I will already be at the school (MIL was invited before the argument but school plays are boring) So DH and I have started the day on an argument because I asked him to have a word with his mum and he told me to stop winding her up.

AIBU to think its not I'm winding her up, she's just a cunt and that if DH loved me or had any respect for me he'd step in occasionally, I don't want him to go NC or anything but the odd 'Mum, that's enough' would be nice, I wouldn't let my parents treat him like this and its making me question if i want to be with him anymore.

Are you the same poster who's MIL struggled with boundaries when your DH was a SAHD and used to come straight in the house and upstairs to DDs bedroom to clean it and sort her clothes out?

She sounds hideous. I'd be setting some rules and telling DH to either back me up or leave

Don't allow her into the house. Your ds should not have to put up with being treated unequally in his own home.

DD. Get polar express on. Tell her when you become an adult you forget to believe in Santa like the film. When the time comes for her to find out explain about St Nicholas. Give her back her christmas poor thing.

It's your dh mother yes and he should be stepping up. But he isn't and hasn't in 7 years. I'm guessing you knew this when you got with him. In which case, I think you are both failing your children where mil is concerned. If he won't saying anything then you do. She isn't welcome in the house due to treating ds differently and screaming at you. She isn't allowed to pick up your dd without your permission. Put your foot down, no ifs buts or whys.

What a bitch of the first water. Nasty, vindictive behaviour to a 6 year old. She sounds unhinged. Seriously. As in some MH issues because that is not normal behaviour.
Like everyone else I agree your problem is also your DH.
Tell the school MIL is not allowed to pick up DD.
Confront DH about her behaviour and his lack of spine and the impact it is having on both children.
Realise what a great job you've done with DS. What a brilliant boy to stand up for you. DH could learn a lot from him.

OP she sounds unhinged. If someone said "it wasn't a question" like that to me about my DD I would go postal.

You must disengage here - by that I mean don't let her affect your emotional state or your relationships with others. Treat her like a neighbour: you would be polite but they wouldn't be in your home without invitation and they wouldn't be picking kids up from school etc without express permission.

Your DH is useless and is trapped by obligation to his mum. he has lost perspective, if a stranger treated his DD or his wife like that I bet he would be extremely protective and angry.

As for her treatment of your DS - well words fail me what an utter cow bag. Be firm, stay strong and remember, you are a grown up. If she can't be nice she can fuck off and if your DH undermines you, leave the house with the kids until you can trust him to back you.

MIL then came round yesterday with a huge shopping bag of sweets for DD and none for DS as hes not DH's biological son.

This would be enough for me to go NC, sorry.

OP, YADNBU!

However, I have been unreasonable for ever nit-picking and criticising my MIL. She is a model of perfection compared to yours.

Have a

I'm !

What an absolute horror. Tell her to fuck off to the far side of fuck and then fuck off some more. DH can do the same.

She sounds utterly toxic and poisonous. I would be ripping DH one, which you should. I would also limit dd contact with her, do some damage limitation with her. Tell her some people believe in FC some people like granny do not. If you believe in him he is real, I do kind of thing. So ignore
thesillbag granny. Limit contact with granny, tell DH you will until he grows a spine. Well done for sharing those sweets with your ds in front of grannny.

Omg I thought my mother in law was bad but wow yours is something else .

What helped with mine and my spineless husband is me standing up to her. She tried to push it , lots of yelling and name calling from her but 4 years on I've never looked back .
Apparently she was crying and telling my dsil the other day that she doesn't know what she's done to make me hate her do much !

Your children , your rules , not hers .

Good luck xxx

I agree Malibu, distance yourselves from her op, let mummies boy see her himself.

My mil used to dress up as FC at Christmas and hand out presents , I think your mil would faint at the prospect.

She's probably ground your DH down over the years and he is intimidated by her. It's possible that he has never stood up to her in his life. Too be honest, it seems that it might be the same with you. I understand that this May have eroded your confidence also. You sound like a lovely thoughtful, caring person.

however, there are times when you need to reach deep into your soul and draw up some courage. This is one of them. The most important thing here is your children this woman will do the same to them if you allow this to continue.

I agree with the advice given regarding the school etc, but understand you may not feel able or strong enough yet to confront your MIL.

I would give your DH an ultimatum right now. He deals with Mil now or he leaves until he does. A few days without family hopefully will shock him into action.

I would also consider some type of therapy in the future for you both as it's possible you will probably need de programmed from this woman's narcicism.

please read Deuteronomy 31 v 6 - be strong and take courage. Also Joyce Meyer ministries on you tube she's incredible.

Wishing you every blessing

What a nasty cow!

Is your DH frightened of his mum? I expect he is So while I can understand everyone saying he's got to step in, he might not be capable of it at the moment.

You need to have a serious conversation with him about how his mothers behaviour is not normal and it might take him a while to understand that. In the meantime, I'd be trying to limit the amount of time she spends with your DD. It's not good for her to be around people like her.

Start by telling her that your dd is not seeing her today, that you ar picking her up and that is the end of the matter. Text her now because if you don't say some thing she will turn up at school later, you wil have gone then she will probably fly into another rage and possible march round to your house? Deal with it now, stand up to her and if things get too bad tell her you'll phone the police.

Just the fact that your MIL was willing to tell a child there is no Father Christmas because her ego has been bruised says all you need to know about this (horrible) woman. And only giving sweets to one kid!!

On a practical note, you and your daughter could watch A Miracle on 34th St together. It is about Father Christmas convincing cynics he exists and may help rekindle her faith.

So your MIL is pissed off that your daughter didn't like her FC that much??

How did she even end up taking her?

She sounds bloody awful.

As ofr your husband telling you to stop winding her up

Hey if he wants her to shit all over him that's fine.

The kids as well?

No way!

They need protecting from her.

I think Kingoftheroad has it spot on.

And you can't beat a bible quote I'm the morning.

As got your dh he would get no affection/sex/support/kind words until he starts acting like a living supportive husband.

I imagine your mil would dearly love to split you up so she could have dd all to herself every other weekend.

Seriously if I were you I
Would stop all contact with her now between you and the children. Never let her in the house. Call the police if she gets violent verbally so there's a written record if her behaviour.

You may need it as evidence in the future.

OP... Your MIL is out of line, no doubt about it. The 'it wasn't a question' isn't acceptable at all.

I'm absolutely staggered at most of the posters on this thread though. Who the hell do you think you are?

How do you feel, OP, being described as being married to an 'asshole', a 'twat', 'useless', pathetic' and on and on? I wouldn't feel supported here in the face of that. It's ridiculous.

You need to stand up for yourself, OP and yes, you need to know that your husband supports you in that. There doesn't need to be a row or anybody being told to 'leave' but I think it would be a good idea to decide what are dealbreakers for you and what is just annoying behaviour. If you can't confront your MIL and your husband isn't able to talk straight with his mother - who sounds like a harridan - then discuss it with your husband and decide the approach you'll take and then put it in writing - an e-mail or a letter.

And of course contact the school and expressly ban mil from picking her up ever.
Put it in writing and give it to the HT and her class teacher. Do it today.

You need to act now love. Dig deep. It's for your kids benefit

. If your dh can't protect them it's down to you.

Get rid of your dh and go no contact with mil.

They're both cunts.

Is your FIL a possible ally? They are divorced and he is reasonable...can he help your DH understand your position and give you some support?

Also if MIL hates FIL, you can invite him over. A lot. Might keep her away.

I can't beleive that your 10 year old was man enough to try to stick up for you but your DH was mute.

Your DS sounds fab but your DH needs to grow a pair.

I kind of agree with lying here in that if your dh had been bullied by her his whole life it's similar it's similar to being a victim of domestic abuse. It's not as easy as just telling her to do one. He has probably had years of this abuse.

However he had to follow your lead op and stop this cycle before it extends to your dd.

Go no contact with her. You and the kids. That might spur your dh to see her behaviour as unacceptable.

Do you have friends that can back you up? Talk to your dh? Make hinder that it's not normal?