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Original poster

To be sat on the sofa crying again because MIL is a cunt and DH is a spineless little mummy's boy.

722 replies

BramwellBrown · 05/12/2014 07:01

Sorry long but it doesn't make sense otherwise and I don't want to drip feed.

MIL has spent the last 7 years bullying and belittling me at every opportunity and can be really spiteful.

MIL decided she would take DD to visit a different Father Christmas this year, one of the expensive ones that has a petting farm with reindeer, DD loved the reindeer and said he wasn't a bad Father Christmas as it goes but his grotto wasn't as good as the 'real one' I usually take DD to at the church fair, where FC knows DD's name and asks how her dog is etc (and is my Dad). MIL 'oh for goodness sake you're 6 any normal child your age knows the truth by now, that grubby church hall your mum takes you to isn't real either, there's no such thing as Father Christmas and Christmas is just a made up load of commercial rubbish celebrating the birth of an imaginary baby.' Shock DD is really upset and doesn't even want her advent calendar because she says there's nothing to look forward to now, I know DD was likely to find out the truth about Father Christmas soon and fully expected this to be the last year she really believed in him but I'm furious that MIL would be so spiteful as to tell her like that or imply there was something wrong with her for not knowing and can't even describe how angry I am about the rest of it, I'm Catholic.

MIL then came round yesterday with a huge shopping bag of sweets for DD and none for DS as hes not DH's biological son I told DD to pick 1 for her and 1 for DS and I'd put the rest away for later, MIL starts on about me being mean and ridiculous, part of childhood is eating sweets til you feel sick Shock I mentioned to MIL how upset DD is and MIL started screaming in my face and calling me stupid, DS tried to stick up for me but DH didn't say a word, then this morning MILs just text saying shes picking DD up from school at 3.15, I've said not today, she sent back 'it wasn't a question'. as it happens DD has a school play this afternoon so I will already be at the school (MIL was invited before the argument but school plays are boring) So DH and I have started the day on an argument because I asked him to have a word with his mum and he told me to stop winding her up.

AIBU to think its not I'm winding her up, she's just a cunt and that if DH loved me or had any respect for me he'd step in occasionally, I don't want him to go NC or anything but the odd 'Mum, that's enough' would be nice, I wouldn't let my parents treat him like this and its making me question if i want to be with him anymore.

OP posts:
HolgerDanske · 05/12/2014 07:26

I wouldn't want to be with him either.

Original poster
BramwellBrown · 05/12/2014 07:29

its school play today so im getting to school for 2pm, play finishes at 3 so we will have left by 3.15 if MIL turns up anyway.

OP posts:
Mehitabel6 · 05/12/2014 07:30

Your problem is your DH. He has to stand up to his mother and stop being so wet, for the sake of his children as well as you. For a start he needs to make it clear that he is a family of 4 with 2 equal children.
Have a word with the school- if that wasn't a question there is no doubt it should have been!!

LineRunner · 05/12/2014 07:32

How old is your son? You need to be very mindful of his feelings here. I know my son (who is 16) would want to put both the MIL and the DP out of the house if I or his sister were spoken to like this. If your son is young he may be feeling very pissed off and powerless.

I really feel for you - but you need to take control of this awful situation. As others have said, who cares if you upset her? Or your DH, frankly. He is being neither a good father nor a good husband. He probably let her 'help' too much when he was sahp?

pictish · 05/12/2014 07:32

Golly gosh she's a genuine horror isn't she?

Vitalstatistix · 05/12/2014 07:35

ask your husband this - when our children have children of their own. How are you going to treat those children and their partners - like your mother does or like your father does. Pick one.

He needs to face up to the reality of his mother. This is likely to be very painful, but if he doesn't, he stands to lose his own family, based on what you say. If he doesn't care about that possibility, he's already too far gone.

LineRunner · 05/12/2014 07:37

Just seen your DS is 10. X posted.

Rosa · 05/12/2014 07:38

If she shouts at you in your own home calmly ask her to leave. If she has keys get them back. If your D h won't stand up to her then you need to enfirce your own rules. Show her out and state she will not be welcome unless she can abide by your rules and be civil.

youarekiddingme · 05/12/2014 07:40

"That wasn't a question" Shock

I can just about understand she's struggling with having her input decreased but her actions are awful. And to bring round sweets for 1 child and not another - who does this?

I would certainly be telling her in simple straight forward words that she's yiur DD and she has no say over what decisions you make and you have a say in DH decisions too so she shouldn't waste her time needling him.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 05/12/2014 07:47
Xmas Shock
DurhamDurham · 05/12/2014 07:47

What an awful woman, she sounds like a complete nightmare.
My two believed in Father Christmas until they were 10, if someone had told them at 6 I would have been furious.
Your husband is,frankly, pathetic but is unlikely to change.

It will be left to you to ensure that her influence over your family is kept to the absolute minimum. I would make a habit of being busy/out when she wants to visit. I wouldn't be inviting her to things, it's not like you could make the situation worse be use she already behaving like a complete bitch.

LadyLuck10 · 05/12/2014 07:48

Op I feel so sorry for you! Your DH is pathetic allowing you to be treated this way. Does he not consider your DS as an equal child to your dd? Why else would he be ok with his dm doing that.
It's not her place to decide when your dd should know about FCShock.
But you do know it's not her that's the problem, it's your DH.

HellKitty · 05/12/2014 07:49

She sounds a horror. I have everything crossed for you that the play is amazing, DD is the star of he show and you've managed to pack up and go home long before that mad bitch turns up.

ArsenicSoup · 05/12/2014 07:51

Show your DH this thread.

It isn't his fault his mother is a horror but he needs to react appropriately for his DC's sake.

At least your FIL is a good'un.

LumpySpacedPrincess · 05/12/2014 07:51

She is vile but it's your husband that's the real problem.

You do not have to put up with this crap. Is he normally so utterly spineless or does he agree with his mother? Sad

newpaddingtonscaresme · 05/12/2014 07:52

I'm sorry you have to deal with her, she sounds really nasty.
It can be scary dealing with people like that who no one stands up to.
How dare she scream in your face.
Tell her if that ever happens agai you won't speak to her, then don't.
Treat her like a toddler.
Does she have a key to your house? change the locks (make something up about losing keys).
Protect yourself and the kids from her by completely distancing yourself. Don't reply to any texts, say there's something wrong with your phone. If she texts you 'telling' you she's doing something, don't reply but make sure she can't do it.
Your dh wants you to shut up, roll over and do whatever she wants so he can have a quiet life, how she makes you or his daughter feel doesn't matter to him as long as he doesn't have to deal with her.
I hope things get better x

MillionToOneChances · 05/12/2014 07:55

I totally agree with pp that you should tell your DH that his failure to stick up for you and your children in the face of such appalling behaviour is making you question your relationship. I wouldn't let DD have one to one time with MIL after the Santa debacle, and I think it's terrible for your 10 year old DS to have to stand up for you because his SF won't :(

WannaBe · 05/12/2014 07:56

I would send a reply saying "it may not have been a question but this is still my answer. I have informed the school that I will be collecting dd and she is not to go with you in future."

Do you have a faith op? because if you do I would tell your dd that some people don't believe in God because they can't see him but we know that he is real right? and some people don't believe in father Christmas because they can't see him but we know he is real right? And that because father christmas only gives to nice children it's likely that mil never got any presents as a child hence why she doesn't believe.

And then I would tell your dh that you will not tolerate being spoken to by his mother like that. If he wants a relationship with his mother he can have that relationship - at her house or nutral ground but she will not set foot in your house and she will not be having a relationship with your children And ask him how he will feel when a woman is talking to his daughter like that in twenty years time.

ArthurShappey · 05/12/2014 07:56

I am furious on your behalf. How dare she talk to you like that and belittle you in front of your children.

Your DH needs to address this now. If he won't, then you will have to unfortunately. Tell her she is no longer welcome in your home. She is not to visit or call until she is ready to apologise and understand how unacceptable her behaviour is and change. If she wants to see your children it will be in the presence of your DH and you and him will have to agree to everything she plans on doing with the DC. And she needs to treat your DS and DD equally.

Chunderella · 05/12/2014 07:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CarbeDiem · 05/12/2014 07:57

I'm gobsmacked at 'It wasn't a question'
Jesus!

Your Dh is a spineless arsehole, sorry to be blunt. I'd tell him if he doesn't start supporting you and his dc then he can go live with his vicious cow of a mother.
In your shoes I'd say something myself to mil but I'd have the conversation once only with her - basically if she can't follow simple rules, respect your Ds and respects you as a parent, realise she has NO control over her gd, unless it's given to her and thinks 3 times before opening her mouth to say such spiteful things then she can stay away and won't be welcome.

Poor Dd :( I hope she can get back some enthusiasm for Xmas.

Altinkum · 05/12/2014 07:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

5madthings · 05/12/2014 08:00

Omg she really is vile isn't she, and yes your dh needs to step up and deal with her!

FlossyMoo · 05/12/2014 08:00

Your child. Your rules. MIL can fuck off.

That women would not be let with in 2 feet of my children and if DH didn't like it then he could fuck off too.

Sorry you have had to deal with this vile toxic thing OP Flowers. Be kind to yourself and your children and tell her to get on her broom and do one.

OnlyWantsOne · 05/12/2014 08:03

Jesus.

If my MIL did that then I think I'd have to form a line behind DP to have a scream at her. Poor you for having no support from. Your DH.

is he supportive in other ways?

I'd tell her quite firmly to fuck off and never come near you or the children or the house ever again. If your DP has a problem with that then he could have the same advice I'm afraid

Life is too short to be spoken to and controlled like your MIL is trying to do.