To be sat on the sofa crying again because MIL is a cunt and DH is a spineless little mummy's boy.

[BramwellBrown]

Sorry long but it doesn't make sense otherwise and I don't want to drip feed.

MIL has spent the last 7 years bullying and belittling me at every opportunity and can be really spiteful.

MIL decided she would take DD to visit a different Father Christmas this year, one of the expensive ones that has a petting farm with reindeer, DD loved the reindeer and said he wasn't a bad Father Christmas as it goes but his grotto wasn't as good as the 'real one' I usually take DD to at the church fair, where FC knows DD's name and asks how her dog is etc (and is my Dad). MIL 'oh for goodness sake you're 6 any normal child your age knows the truth by now, that grubby church hall your mum takes you to isn't real either, there's no such thing as Father Christmas and Christmas is just a made up load of commercial rubbish celebrating the birth of an imaginary baby.' DD is really upset and doesn't even want her advent calendar because she says there's nothing to look forward to now, I know DD was likely to find out the truth about Father Christmas soon and fully expected this to be the last year she really believed in him but I'm furious that MIL would be so spiteful as to tell her like that or imply there was something wrong with her for not knowing and can't even describe how angry I am about the rest of it, I'm Catholic.

MIL then came round yesterday with a huge shopping bag of sweets for DD and none for DS as hes not DH's biological son I told DD to pick 1 for her and 1 for DS and I'd put the rest away for later, MIL starts on about me being mean and ridiculous, part of childhood is eating sweets til you feel sick I mentioned to MIL how upset DD is and MIL started screaming in my face and calling me stupid, DS tried to stick up for me but DH didn't say a word, then this morning MILs just text saying shes picking DD up from school at 3.15, I've said not today, she sent back 'it wasn't a question'. as it happens DD has a school play this afternoon so I will already be at the school (MIL was invited before the argument but school plays are boring) So DH and I have started the day on an argument because I asked him to have a word with his mum and he told me to stop winding her up.

AIBU to think its not I'm winding her up, she's just a cunt and that if DH loved me or had any respect for me he'd step in occasionally, I don't want him to go NC or anything but the odd 'Mum, that's enough' would be nice, I wouldn't let my parents treat him like this and its making me question if i want to be with him anymore.

Well at least the good news is that despite his dad and step dad being twats you've managed to raise a very well centred emotionally mature DS.

You can do this - in fact I think you've been doing it alone for years but now you've no deadweight holding you back.

Your DS sounds so lovely. How is your DD, I hope she is excited about Christmas again ?

DD is ok, back to singing carols constantly and asking stupid questions like does Father Christmas speak french when he speaks to french children. Her biggest concern today is I bought her blue lip balm and she wanted green (her lips are really sore)

Oh heinous crime! blue not green, how could you?!!!!

Your son sounds like a fantastic boy. Does he make tea too?

Your ds sounds so mature fir a 10 year old. Your H could learn a thing or two from him!

Blue lip balm oh gosh

That is a VERY important question Bram. Does FC speak French? Howling did it take him to learn all the languages in the world?

If there was an alien, would he automatically know their language?

That's amazing! I am so so happy that DD has her Christmas magic back.

I hope your DS is ok with your brothers too

I think he doesn't actually speak French, but he puts on a good French accent. Glad to hear she is full of enthusiasm again!

Bram Santa has an app for the languages thing!

Having said that, I think, 'HO HO HO' is OK in any language.

Pretty sure he has a Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy style babel fish so can speak every language without having to learn it, DD however, not having seen Hitchhikers, was not impressed with this explanation and says you cant put fish in your ears because that's just stupid.

Do they even make green lip balm by the way? I have to admit i was at the till, saw lip balm and thought 'oooh DD needs lip balm' and grabbed some, I didn't actually look at what colours they had.

DS had a great time with my brothers.

. I think they might, somewhere out there. Santa speaks all languages

There is a green one, it's more intensive- care with aloe vera. It is a bit better IMO as I used it last year.

I need to get some for DD2 (4) as she split her lower lip by smiling yesterday. Blue is nearly as good though.

oh bum, her lips are really bad so actually she might be right and green would have been better. I've never used it so didn't realise there was a difference

Only a very slight difference. It's extra moisturising or summat.

That's the nivea range. If you have lypsyl then it already has aloe in it (blue version) and I think blue lypsyl is top-of-the-range and I now wonder why nivea have to have so many different colours. Just make it good first time out.

I like the blue Nivea one. It's much better than Vaseline.

Personally, I go for pork dripping.

Really pleased DS is being shown what real manhood is like by his uncles. Mansplaining alert: little guys do best in the presence of calm authority and a disregard for mud and oil. Did he need scrubbing when they returned him? I was at my happiest when grimy at that age.

You have put up with MIL and him for way too long. You deserve much better as you seem a lovely person to me. Year and years of this shit. Just know you are the better person. Would you consider therapy to understand things better for yourself?

Just read your story Bramwell, what a great person you are. Looks like you can start to live a normal life now that you've kicked the oddballs out of the way. All the best to you

[csmile]

Your DS is a Top Boy, he really is, and that's down to you. Your DD will be as good too, also down to you, so long as she doesn't get drawn into the malign games that her paternal GM plays.

FC of course understands all languages, but he doesn't need to speak any of them because every little boy and girl should be asleep when he turns up.

I remember being in a restaurant in France once, and they had a budgie there who could speak - it said "bonjour!" I was so impressed that the budgie could speak French, what a clever bird! then I twigged...

Do you have carmex over there? That's a really good lip balm. Doesn't seem to have that pesky alcohol that dries your lips out so you need more (and keep using the product).

Glad you're doing ok and holding up strong.

You're much better off without him. And think, this year, no Christmas where you have to deal with MIL this year.

It's been since Friday since h left, tbh that speaks volumes. He still thinks you were wrong and overreacting, and is waiting for you to apologise and get back in the corner. It would be a dealbreaker that your 10 year old ds defended His family and he did not, it would. Yes it is up to you, but more time that passes without him trying to make amends or support you really tells you all you need to know.

Your mum might not know the full situation of how your Mil treats you, and how H does nothing to defend you.