Dry 6

[sydneysideup]

This is the thread for the alcohol free. Happy and hopeful, continuing from Dry 5 here: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/a2137624-DRY-5?msgid=50943574
Whether it's been an hour, a day, a week or a year, join us here.

Biggles. Funny that mine is perfect too and of course the parenting left much to be desired. So yes drove me to the bottle hahaha

Random joys of being sober Part 111...... when DS wakes you at 4 in the morning for a cuddle and then goes straight back to sleep you can feel well enough to get up and try and get a jump on a work project . (Huzzah!).

I also have to work through my relationship with my DM.

Hope everyone has a great day.

Oh...another totally random benefit to sobriety - getting back to long-forgotten hobbies because now I have more energy.

Biggles sounds like you may need alot of venting on here Christmas day. I should be online a fair bit. My Ils are coming and they are very low-maintenance, God Bless Them and nap in the afternoon so I will be trying to MN 'do some work'. Am feeling nervous about Christmas..... but am planning to have apeltiser as well for the various toasts. Yum.

Morning all [waves]
Seems to be a consistent theme here about mothers, parenting and drinking ...... Suffice it to say I don't talk to mine so that gives you a clear indication of how our relationship fared - but actually I couldn't be happier Have cornucopia of AF drinks lined up for Xmas Day Corn and yes I was woken by DS at 4.30am and was happy to be able to give him paracetamol, be sympathetic and not a grouchy old mare yelling at him for waking me up when I've got a hangover brewing!!

So hear you Corn re. the mid night wakings. I can't guarantee that I'm never grumpy, but at least they stand a chance of getting the real me and not the half-cut version. Very embarrassed to think I used to go to bed sometimes thinking "I'll feel alright just as long as I don't get waken in the night by the DC" and then if they did wake up, somehow thinking how I felt was their fault

I've also had a very problematic history with my mother - no surprises there! I find her much more benign ever since I've had the children, for some reason. She has always been very critical, but very early on after they were born she actually managed to mutter the words "I'm very proud of you" after seeing me cope almost single-handedly with twins having given birth abroad. I don't think she's ever said anything since, but somehow I felt 'released' from the burden of this mother who has never ever shown emotion/pride/love. Lucy - sorry to hear you don't talk to yours, although I didn't talk to mine for 3 years at one point (and also have gone years without talking to my dad) and know that for me, on both counts, it was the right thing to do and I don't regret it.

wow plot thickens on the mother thing - I've been NC with mine bar the odd text in last 6 months for 4 years too - very interesting.

Isn't it interesting? I hope my lot don't turn into heavy uncontrolled drinkers. I'll blame myself

On a serious note though, I am really getting in a state this year about her. I can see myself losing my temper a lot. My sister has no contact with her and every time I see her (mother) she goes on about how wicked she is and how the family are disgusted. I bite my tongue each time as I know the reasons - sis had an even worse time of it than me. She was first born and never wanted according to mother and when my father died, sister was blamed for everything that ever went wrong from then. I remember incidents of sheer vileness form my mother towards my sister when I was small but never really took them in being a lot younger. How am I going to stay quiet when she starts??

Biggles Gaffer tape? Seriously, how did you manage it last year? She's not staying so that makes it easier, no? Checking in here and heading outside for fresh air? (allowing yourself extra fags as way of managing) would be my suggestion as release valve.

She is staying one night. I. think last year I spent a lot of time upstairs which made her very huffy..
I'll manage somehow I guess. I have to remember I cannot change her and getting annoyed will just give her more reason to be a martyr.

Why is everything on TV solved with a bloody drink? Had a really down day today and coronation Street is really winding me up. Bad news and everyone is bloody drinking

Aaah yes, but just look at how they slalom from crisis to another.... that's what drink does to you.

good point

Biggles - this may be a stupid question, but why do you HAVE to stay quiet? I'm the complete opposite, a bloody great big-gob - I just cannot swallow down my feelings in situations like that. It sounds like a horrendous dynamic for you to have to be part of. Are you close to your sister? I think it's hard being that way round (you being the younger of the two) - I was the eldest sibling and I felt very protective over my younger brother and how he was treated.

I am just back from a Christmas party. A very lovely, very fizz-filled house party at a new friend's house. I am still fascinated by my response in situations like that, as I sit there, sort of enjoying myself but feeling like I'm in a parallel universe somehow... I can almost envisage the 'other me' who would have been topping her glass up as often as possible, being just that touch too bombastic and outgoing, and quite possibly outstaying her welcome a bit. As it was I had a good time and came home. But not before observing others' drinking habits and seeing those people I identified with as being similar drinkers to me, seeing lots of people drinking moderately but enjoying themselves and letting their hair down. And trying to have a normal conversation with one friend who I've never seen with her drunk and me sober (it was normally both of us drunk) and being shocked at how pointless it was having a conversation with her. I must have been as impossible to talk to properly too when in that state previously.

Home in bed, sober, and knowing I'll feel just fine in the morning. Can't be beaten. :)

Teen DD had Ishoos last night and had to be picked up late from the city centre.

Trust me, I do not make a habit of this and she was very grateful, but it raised various thoughts.

Firstly, a couple of months ago, I would not have been able to pick her up. I would have been way over the limit by then. Secondly, when waiting for her I was struck by how many people there were literally bouncing off the lamposts up the road, talking to themselves, all kinds of mess. Thirdly, isn't it awful that I might not have been able to swoop in and rescue my own DD?

That used to be me I suppose

I am off to lunch with a friend today who is one of the very few who knows a bit more about the truth of why I am not drinking and she is very supportive. She says she sometims drink alcohol free lager which I have never tried. I am not sure I see the point in it but she says it makes her feel more "included" in a group so I might try one just to see if I like it in case I ever feel the need.

Have a lovely sober weekend everyone.

Hi All!

Sorry for lack of posting, frantic of course w Xmas coming and DH been away since early Nov. MIL coming from overseas on Boxing Day so lots to do. Not had time to read all thread so sorry if I miss stuff out.

Lucy they are clearly fools not to hire you! and who wants to work with a bunch of idiots? Better job is waiting in the New Year.

Teapot are you me? That's _ exactly_ how I've been feeling at Christmas dos this year.

Biggles I agree that maybe there's no need to stay quiet in the face of nastiness from your M. But I am half Aussie and we're not known for our tact...

Newbies and recent escapees well done and welcome to the world of the living.

8 months on Thursday for me which was also Book Club. Someone said I sound 'less Australian' now I don't drink alcohol. I guess I probably did sound a bit more Ocker when drunk and slurring but surely better to be lucid? I felt strangely insulted though. Weirdly I think I'm getting more negative comments about it now than I did when I first stopped and I wonder if people find it more threatening as they realise I do mean it as a permanent change. Ah well, WE know it's for the better.

I've discovered a luvverly new Christmas spicy drink. Make the Bottlegreen lemongrass elderflower cordial with ginger ale. Fab!

Happy Saturday Sober Stars xxxxx

Morning lovely ladies
LittleDonkey was having the very same thoughts myself at 3.30 this am!! DS had gone for sleep-over at friends but 5wks ago chipped front big tooth and it was painful (emergency dentist this pm think it's infected) so said that he could call if he wanted to come home and that would be fine and we wouldn't be cross. Sure enough he calls and I was SO happy that I hadn't had a skinful and knew how p*ssed off I would have been in the past if he called which just makes me feel really crap as a parent Drinking made me so bloody selfish
Biggles fair thoughts from Teapot and Sydney
Sydney congrats on 8 months and yes I get those negative compliments from friends - you know the 'oh so you're still not drinking then' comments. Their problem not yours. Thanks too for the kind words about my job near miss - and to everyone really thank you

Teapot. I'm just back from a Christmas street party BBQ took along my alcohol free beer - I also felt like I was looking down on the old me from above - it felt weird being the sober person

my good friend was absolutely sloshed, slurring words and talking rubbish, that also would have been me this time last year and the awful hangover that would be arriving in the morning instead I will be waking up absolutely fine and plan to go on a nice long walk. Yeeeeeehaw

Little - so glad you were able to help your DD. I forgot to add that I had similar when I got home last night in terms of lunatic drunk people out and about - a teen party taking place at a neighbour's house, and the chaos emerging out of their front door as I walked past it. It was full-on drunk hideousness... and actually frightening to listen to the kids walking past, they were so out of it, some banging on car bonnets, all rowdy and unpredictable. And this is a relatively salubrious neighbourhood!

Lucy sorry I forgot to add my commiserations re. the job. Also sorry that I think I must have missed the chat about it beforehand, what's the situation re. your job, are you looking for a new challenge or are you between jobs at the moment? I desperately need to get going with a career plan in the new year, having largely been a SAHM for the past 5 years, and a prior career in the media which is pretty impossible to resuscitate as a now single parent.

Sounds like we all experience the same re. friends/family comments about not drinking when they start to think it might be more than a temporary blip in our lives for us to be AF. It's a different anxiety I think some people experience - they can reframe what they think about us, going from 'fellow imbiber' to 'person on a temporary break for a specific reason'. But it's a different kettle of fish for them to work out how to mentally file you as a friend/etc for them to have to frame you as a 'person who never drinks'. Because I think a large number of drinkers think that 'people who never drink' are NOT TO BE TRUSTED.

Teapot No probs. In between jobs and realising that I may have to be more flexible than I was hoping and perhaps return to a speciality that I don't particularly enjoy to earn the pennies. I'm fairly sure there will be a thread discussing this particular group of nurses here on MN as they work with parents and under 5's Uni course is to retrain me as something different but have to generate income to pay for said course in the meantime! Decisions, decisions .....
Ooh I'm definitely not to be trusted!! :D

Oh and uni course involves self-funded weekly therapy too! Don't half make it hard for myself!!

Hi all. Almost had a similar needing to drive issue tonight. I had a friend and her daughters round tonight and the girls were upstairs playing with dd when dd suddenly appeared screaming with her hand covered in blood. She had chopped a little bit of thumb whilst making bracelets! Luckily friend is a nurse and it was actually more blood than injury but in the olden days I'd have been pissed by that time and completely incapable of driving to a and e or camdoc. All a bit exciting - she's fine now, plastered and asleep, but it really makes you think!

So good to hear that everyone is coping with these hideous mustgetratted do's that signify the Xmas week. Being old and dull, we go to very few nowadays but that suits me fine!

Still very stressed on the mother front. I have a beautiful picture of the three children and have laminated and framed it for her, but nearly made myself I'll looking for a frame she might like. I know she''ll say something negative about it - it'll be 'that's not very good of M' or ' what a shame G isn't smiling nicely' or something. We always jokingly say we don't ever get 'thank you' we get ' did you keep the receipt?' Except it isn't ever a joke.

Why don't I stand up to her? well, in the past I have gone for weeks without speaking to her after she has particularly vile - really overstepped the lines ( I can't bring myself to say what has been said) and it's just been awful. The guilt I feel and the letters she sends etc. Now she is older, there seems no pint as we just get tears and 'you are so unkind' and her worst insult ' you're wicked, like your father'

Sorry, I'm really going on about her aren't I? I really should persevere with counselling. I started some (again) earlier in this year but just can't get through it.

Anyway, my rants here do help. I hope you don't mind!

Had some lovely belvoir mulled fruit drink tonight with fancy orange slices in and everything also stocked up on ginger ales and bitter lemons and the lovely Q drink. Hopefully will survive!!

I hope everyone has had a good Saturday x

Oh Biggles rant away. We are always here.:)

I had a bottle of Becks Blue AF lager with my pasta and it was very nice. To be honest it tasted just like lager.

Very impressed!

Had a great time, was able to give friend a lift home and drive myself home. It's just so much easier not drinking isn't it?

I quite like Becks Blue. I have never found a non-alcohol wine that was worth the money,personally

Glad you enjoyed your evening. :) It is true what they say.... you gain more by not drinking than you ever lose.

We went to a children's christmas party yesterday..... I sat there with my cup of tea and watched the children get hyper on sugar and excitement and I just thought that I was truly, deeply content.:) It is a feeling I have not had for so so many years.

Biggles I read your post again and I just want to send you a virtual hug and

Oh I am not sure how I managed to turn 'hug' into a link.