Dry 6

[sydneysideup]

This is the thread for the alcohol free. Happy and hopeful, continuing from Dry 5 here: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/a2137624-DRY-5?msgid=50943574
Whether it's been an hour, a day, a week or a year, join us here.

Hi everyone, sorry to have been a bit vacant, I've been busying myself with preparing for christmas. Can you believe its been 3 weeks since my last drink :) Christmas is still daunting me but I think with some nice other special drinks in I'll be fine. Ginger beer is my new best friend :)

Hi all, really inspiring stories from all of you here! I just posted this on the new alcohol support thread but it seems a bit quiet over there so I hope it's ok if I post some questions I have here?

I'm really struggling with stopping drinking at the moment. I know I need to but it's not going well at the moment. So I have a few questions for those of you who have successfully stopped;

1 Was there a final straw moment that made you realise you had to stop?

2 How have you found the AA meetings?

3 Do you have a technique you use when you really crave a drink?

4 When you stopped, what issues did you realise the drinking had been masking?

Any thoughts or advice would be really helpful to me right now.x

hi all, just dropping in, will have a good catch up later, thought I'd share a funny story with you.
was working in the bar Saturday night, pompous lady came to the bar, said her husband had fetched her a glass of wine, he had asked for dry, to quote, "this, dear, (I'm 45) is not dry, its clearly sweet, trust me dear, I've had more wine than you, I know what I'm talking about."
more wine than me.......haha don't thin k so for a start you asked for a glass, in my professional drinking days I'd of bought it by the bottle, and had 2 before venturing out. Quite enjoyed her trying to poshly stagger out though.....have a great day all, congratulations to all thoses sober days building up

Morning all. Welcome AWholeLotta, wanted to start by saying congrats on having realised you need to stop - for me that was a key point that took about 15 yrs too long...

In answer to your questions...

1 - Not in the sense that I had a dreadful night out or drinking incident that made me stop, but one day the idea came to me that perhaps I ought to give up completely rather than go round the houses trying to find ways to stop being depressed by drinking alcohol. Once I had that thought, I spent the weekend researching it, reading blogs, sites etc, and booked myself into the Allen Carr seminar which was in 2 weeks time. I drank normally until the date of the seminar so had a couple of weeks to psych myself up to the fact that I was going to stop.

2 I've never been to an AA meeting. I know they work for some people and have some good friends who would say their years of sobriety are thanks entirely to their AA attendance. I have used quite a lot of online support (Soberistas, reading sobriety blogs etc, posting on here...) instead.

3 Whenever confronted with the prospect of having a drink (yesterday it was my mum asking me if I'd have a glass of champagne on Christmas Day and me having to explain my answer) I use the 'play the tape to the end' technique. What does having a drink actually mean? What is the POINT of it? In the instance of having a glass of champagne, for me there would be no point. One glass of champagne would just make me want another glass of champagne, I don't think there is any inherent real pleasure for me in having one tiny glass of champagne. If I stopped at one I would be frustrated and grumpy to have done so. The likelihood is that I would then go on to drink a lot more than that...

4 Think I still have a way to go in uncovering all of this, but I did suddenly sort of 'allow' myself to accept that the vast majority of my adult life I haven't been as confident in social situations as I'd let the world to believe. I have always been seen as very gregarious and confident, of course that couldn't be further from the truth when you scratched the surface. Am learning that it's okay to be me. In fact it's brilliant to be me, because I can't be anyone else - unless I want to cover that all up with drugs and alcohol

Hi everyone. Hi miserable 3 weeks! I am also a massive fa of ginger beer. Feels like an 'adult' drink when I need something special.

stayingdry I continue to be awed by the fact you work in a bar!

Hi AWholeLottaNosy. :) I will try and answer, but I am not that articulate as alot of my thoughts have not really gelled yet;

1. I have had lots of 'final straws' really..... probably 5-6 years I have had final straws. All sorts of things..... many of which I am so ashamed of. For 3 years or so I have been thinking I really need to stop, and then one night I woke up with a searing pain in my side and down my leg and had a very clear thought; 'I am going to die'. If I continued then I will be dead in a few years. It took a few false starts (and I am not yet sure enough of my sobriety to say I have 'stopped') and I would say some months of starting to read blogs, read this thread before I joined in etc. It all had to settle itself into my psyche so to speak. What finally did it I think is when my DS moved to a new new pre-school which extended our morning commute. I was so busy googling how long it would take for this or that amount of alcohol to leave my system so I would be okay to drive(or more honestly... okay enough to not get caught) that it just underlined it was time to stop. Stopping is and remains, the best thing I have ever done. :) I also find that I do not want my son to feel the same way about me as I do about my mother, who has some drinking issues of her own.

1. I keep umming and aaahing about going to AA and have not yet done it. We live in a small village, and I am just scared to go. I do weightwatchers online for the same reason.

1. Techniques..... I have a range and they are not all successful all of the time. If I am well-hydrated then alcohol loses its allure. So I always make sure I have a big glass of something soft that I like..... A few days ago lucy published on her blog a video that aims to make you de-programme your thinking about alcohol as a 'good, chic, adult' drink. I have committed myself to watching it daily for 21 days, and it is really helping. I used to never have really nice drinks like ginger ale or my favourite rose lemonade because I was 'saving the calories' for alcohol. Now I treat myself to those, and it FEELS like a treat. Also..... I bought heaps of books... and I read those if I am struggling. I really like 'Drink. The Intimate Relationship between Women and Alcohol'

www.amazon.com/Drink-Intimate-Relationship-Between-Alcohol/dp/006224180X

1. Issues under the surface..... well, I use(d) alcohol as a means to squish down emotions of inadequacy, self hatred, low self esteem. I had a fairly troubled upbringing with a DM who had mental health issues and was frequently verbally abusive and occasionally physically abusive. I am also very shy and used alcohol as a way to be funny and more confident. I am 41, and in the past year I have had a combination of stopping drinking, going on anti-depressants and seeing a counsellor and I can say hand on heart this has been the best year of my life, and I feel like I have a bright and shiny life ahead of me now. I have discovered that I also quite like who I really am. I feel so so grateful that I am addressing alcohol abuse now.... I have decades ahead of me of learning, being, doing. It is so exciting!

stayingdry haha too funny! Reading The Good House at the mo which is great but triggery and the main character talks about how she sees her drinking behaviour and how other's see it.
AWholeLotta welcome and great answers from Teapot. I'm going to be a bit annoying and link to my blog for these as it's easier than rehashing. Bear with ....

1. There were 2 final horrors and they are detailed in all their glory (not) here: ahangoverfreelife.com/category/my-story/
2. Been to one AA meeting and you can find them by googling AA and their website should list all the meetings close to you once you punch in your postcode. Doing series of Skype interviews with Veronica Valli where we discuss the AA programme and we start chatting about the steps on Friday :) Worth going to see how you feel about it and can be vital support network
3. Shaking up your routine so that you're doing something different at the witching hour, 15 minute rule (ahangoverfreelife.com/2014/01/03/the-15-minute-rule/) and finding alternative ways to unwind - bath, cup of tea, chocolate - and reward yourself. It's about feeling that you're not giving anything up but are gaining a whole lot and nice treats rather a glass of wine really helps. Sober blogs, without which I would not be here of that I am sure
4. Ooh it hid a multitude of things which I've subsequently had counselling and CBT for. Many of us drink for a reason but actually now I've stopped and worked through most of those issues life is 1000% better. Wouldn't advise trying to tackle everything at once as for me unpicking this stuff can be a trigger to drinking so my advice would be get a decent block of sober time under your belt (I was sober for 8 months before I started CBT) and then think about tackling them.

Stopping drinking was the best thing I've ever done (bar marrying DH and having DC's obv) and today I'm at day 451! You are considering doing a great thing

X-post Cornchips Morning! Your comment about thirst made me think of HALT which is also a good thing to remember in the witching hour. Try not to let yourself get Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired as these are all triggers to drinking (AA wisdom)
miserable 3 weeks woohoo! Never liked ginger beer - have memories of being unwell as child from melon with ginger on it!

Thanks all for taking the time to answer my questions with such honesty, I can relate to a lot of what you have all said. You've all done so well!

Hi everyone [waves].

Hope you are all well. Any news Lucy?

Hi everyone [waves too]
Thanks for asking Cornchips but no word as yet and am now contingency planning for it being a no when I do finally hear

Oh Lucy I hope you have good news soon.

Still here, ds having an awful time with his asthma the past few days so will catch up once I get more than three hours sleep a night. Hope everyone is well and you hear good news soon Lucy

hello everyone

I wanted to share my story after being over on the alcohol topic and sharing that you lovely Dry ladies had inspired me to stop drinking.

4 months ago I found mumsnet and it's quite literally changed my life in lots of ways but mostly because I was in the 'relationships' topic one day and saw the Dry thread - hmmm I thought I wonder if this means what I think it means? It did and I was plunged into a world where women like me had given up drinking. I was astounded and inspired.

I was not in a good place, was feeling like absolute shite every morning, drinking loads, and tho ok to the outside world I suppose, just, on the inside and at home I was grumpy, depressed, negative and felt wretched at myself. Every morning I woke up wishing I hadn't drunk and hungover. I slogged through the day only to start again that night. Duh!

Anyway I read all of you on Dry doing so well - women like me who had kicked the monster out of their lives. You talked about blogs and books and I started reading. I got hooked. I thought I might have a go you know one day in the future ;)

Then one Sunday morning 31 August nearly 4 months ago I did it I started to stop, hoping to stop for a day or two and here I am four months later - well 4 months on New Year's Eve!

My life has become SO much better. I feel better. I am not a victim of alcohol's control any more. I feel much more in control not alcohol. I feel hope for my life rather than grotty and grumpy at doing anything. I'm less tired. I can go out in the evening and drive, pick my kids up and not hate having to wait til I get home from the driving duties to start drinking. My brain feels crisper and clear I'm not under the constant fog of battling a hangover. I look much better, my eyes were red and sore everyday before that's completely gone and my skin is clearer.

Best of all is the mornings and the sleep. I started dreaming again and going into deep sleeps of which I haven't had for at least 12 years and had not slept through the night for a very long time before this.

Anyway I guess it's time I stopped lurking and thought you might like to know how you all inspired me to get a life

Merry Christmas

Fantastic post Nina . glad you're here got to get up and do stuff now but couldn't not say hi

Hi nina! So lovely to have you write and to have you here!

Awesome Nina congrats on 4 months and thank you for sharing

Thanks eggshells for the well wishes and hope DS's asthma improves soon - not fun for him or you.
Morning Biggles and Corn. Gave in and emailed them yesterday pm - paranoid that they'd been trying to ring me and I'd given them the wrong mob no. Still no word .....

thanks Lucy, Corn and Biggles

good to be here

roll on the new year

Well ladies when the news came it wasn't good news Back to the drawing board .......

Oh Lucy I am so sorry.

:(

oh boo hiss the right one is still waiting..

Just need a minute rant about my mother. Look away now, those of a nervous disposition.

She called last night to Witter on about Christmas, which I tried to ignore - you know the 'yes, yes, oh really? yes' type conversation, then the chat turns to alcohol on Xmas day. 'I don't know what I shall drink' says she. I told her that we have a nice bottle of red wine which she can have of course, and the (blood pressure rising as I say this) she laughed and said 'and you'll still pretend you don't drink will you?'

I was really upset but calmy said 'I don't really understand why you have to say things like that. Why would I lie?' another infuriating laugh - 'well, you just couldn't stop like that could you? I know how much you can drink - no one could go from that to nothing'

I ended the conversation. I just have to let it go by me but arghhhhhhh. why? why can't I have a nice mother

Thanks Corn & Biggles. As for the mother, as we've discussed, I think you have the patience of a saint and I wouldn't give her the satisfaction of ever drinking again just to prove her bloody wrong! You handled it impeccably in spite of intense provocation ... make sure you reward yourself today with something nice

Lucy it means there's something better around the corner

Biggles. Sorry to read about your mother. Mine is the same. Wondering if in fact she drove me to drink

Ha! Me too. Ecept of course, my mother has never done anything wrong in her life and all my problems are NOTHING to do with her appalling parenting

Well my mother definitely drove me to drink. My poor enmeshed brother is downing about 15 bottle of wine a week on top of ADs because that's what it takes to deal with a bitch like her!

Lucy I am sorry you didn't get good news, but I like that saying, "If a train doesn't stop at your station, then it wasn't your train."

Still drinking the Schloer and not really missing alcohol. Out for lunch with a friend this weekend and would normally drink but will drive so I am not tempted - should all be fine.

Seven sleeps til Santa!