Dry 6

[sydneysideup]

This is the thread for the alcohol free. Happy and hopeful, continuing from Dry 5 here: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/a2137624-DRY-5?msgid=50943574
Whether it's been an hour, a day, a week or a year, join us here.

What an asshole Teapot, I would be furious. Its gutting enough for the dc when they dont see dad as arranged with an explanation never mind with no contact as to why. Real nice taking his bad mood with you out on the kids and punishing them Don't blame you for making a stand, if he does it this time you don't want this sort of thing to become a habit of his as that will effect the dc in the long term. Hope you get sorted

Just noticed your last post that it is a habit of his, apologies.

Thanks broken. I am trying to be strong and not let it get to me but it's not easy!

teapot great! Hope they offer some sound advice that is easy for you to implement :)

Hope it went well for you Teapotand you're ok too. Hard not to let something like that not bother you, incredibly stressful I would imagine

Found my oddest trigger ever tonight, watching The Gruffalo Obviously only ever watched it before with the kids at Christmas, huge glass of red in my hand.

Best of luck ladies for your event tomorrow Lucy and molly!!

Thanks broken :) Will let you know how it goes! They're popping up all over the country now: Manchester, Liverpool, Bath, Glasgow, Birmingham, Norwich, Edinburgh and Oxford and already established in London.

Looking forward to tonight! the venue is about six doors away from my work so I was tempted to set up a bed in my office to save me from having to cycle to work tomorrow

LOL molly See you later

Hi all!
God knows where I've been for the past few weeks - off thread ,but not drinking. Glad to be back and will catch up.
Just wanted to place mark and wave at everyone in sober fashion!

Hey also
Molly thanks for a fab night last night, music allowing!! Looking forward to doing this once a month and sampling the rest of their mocktail menu which I really recommend ladies and gents. All Bar One has a fab range of AF drinks and great food too. Definitely felt catered for even though it's a bar.

The music was all too much for me . It was a good evening. Laura seems quite amazing!

I also agree that the range of alcohol free drinks was really good, but I was quite transfixed at one point at a girl sitting near us who had one of those huge glasses of wine! I thought, blimey, that would have been me not long ago. Actually thinking that a glass that big was normal!

Was sitting in the park on my way to work today having my first of the two cigarettes of the day and actually had a bit of a pang for a drink (obviously not right that minute, but generally). Maybe it was being near lots of drinkers last night, or maybe it was just that I'm getting fed up with having to work through reality - it's taking too long !!

Obviously I won't but it was a most odd feeling.

Right - think have pretty much caught up now.

So - Teapot I am so glad you bought that Goosedown duvet. You TOTALLY deserve it. And now we actually get to sleep well and peacefully that than in that sweaty, hideous passed out way what a perfect treat for you. Very sorry about the trouble you are having with your ex, though. It must take superhuman strength to deal with it in a civil manner and not show how you feel to the children. So so wrong of him to let them down like that an punish them for something he is annoyed with you about. But I guess festering about it doesn't help you. Sending huge sympathy. My dad was a total arse about contact and weekends when I was little and I now realise how hard it must have been for my mother (plus terrifying for her as she was praying he wasn't going to be paralytic when he was in charge of me on his own).

Broken I am horribly sorry to hear about your loss; you are so right that alcoholism is cruel and can be an invisible killer. Really sobering to hear the story and a good reminder to all of us of why we have made the effort we have and are here. No room for complacency…..

Also many thanks to whoever it was posted the Virginia Ironside article. V. much enjoyed reading it. I love hearing stories of people who have ditched the booze just because it felt like the right thing to do - rather than because they were a desperate case, if you know what I mean. Realise this is to do with my pride and vanity in a way, but still. And also I like to identify with her story when the truth is my drinking was truly catastrophic by the end. Hmm.

Hi everyone, just checking in quickly. Hopeyou are all well. teapot hope things are okay with your Dcs.

Hi just checking in too. All fine here, just got through an additional milestone with my first sober Australia Day as an adult, no mean feat I tell you even in the UK you might just have noticed there's one of us behind every bar quite a few of us and we tend to gather together to get plastered celebrate our heritage on these occasions.

So G'Day all from a v happy Sydney.

Glad the sober social went well Lucy

Corn how did it go when you told your friends? Have I missed that?

Sydney Happy Australia Day! And thanks :)

Happy Australia Day sydney. You deserve a big pat on the back if its kinda like us with St Patricks day

Thank you also.

Glad the club soda event went well you two.

Pootling along here. Back to running and exercising. Broke up with p, I have so much stuff I need to deal with personally I don't have the time or energy for a relationship so it wasn't fair on him. Feel like I need to do this alone and sort myself out before I can consider someone else. If ever I could have used a glass of wine it was then, nerves were wrecked. On a positive side being sober there was no dragging on a relationship because I was pissed half time, no mad shouty breakup and we'll remain friends I think. Finding myself reading up on learning an instrument (tone deaf and couldnt even play the recorder in school so god knows why), amateur astronomy and art events on around my area. Feeling the need to branch out with my interests but don't know which direction to take.

Quiet here lately. Hope everyone is well and not snowed in.

One month today. Strangely it really doesn't seem like that much of a big deal compared to how it would have done last year. The biggest difference I have noticed in myself is I'm much more even tempered and patient. No more stewing over real or imagined slights with a bottle of wine winding myself up more and more either. I've always thought I was a very quick tempered, volatile sort but now I see a lot of it was mood swings from boozing. Anyway makes for a much happier home life with the dc.

Morning all. Thanks for the support re. my ex; it's been horrendous in general (two years and counting and sadly having a complete car crash of a divorce) but thankfully he saw the DC yesterday afternoon and fingers crossed will turn up for contact this weekend. The DC were incredibly emotional when they saw him, it was very upsetting.

broken - congratulations on your month. I hear you regarding the lack of volatility once you remove booze from the equation. I listened to a brilliant Bubble Hour last night about adult children of alcoholics here because I am one. But it made me very emotional thinking about what it is like for all the children growing up now with heavy drinkers for parents, and what it was like for my children. I don't consider that I was 'that bad' (not that it's relative) but even the not-being-quite-present, sometimes-grumpy-and-hungover me is an inferior version of the person I am now.

also - thanks for your kind post. I am loving my duvet so thank you very much Lucy et al for encouraging me to buy it :) 188 days today and feeling thankful for having made these changes to my life. I kept thinking I needed to wait until the divorce was finished before making a change like stopping drinking, but in fact it has been incredibly liberating to do it now.

Morning Broken and well done! Only a few days behind you here. Not a bit of snow though :( Hasn't really seemed like much of a big deal for me either, apart from the fact that this time I'm not going to go back. Going to extend it to a year long break. Hoping it'll end up a memory like smoking weed is now to me. Used to smoke lots for a good few years, then realised I really needed to stop! Now I think about it sometimes and say to myself 'well it would be nice but am I really bothered? Nahhh'. Hardly even a pang.

Starting to notice the weight loss too (though I've upped my exercise routine too since the beginning of jan). Bit the wobbly bits I could feel when running four weeks ago now dont wobble so the combination of the two is working.

Mrs says she doesn't miss it either so isn't going to go straight back on it. all in all, it's been a good month. Even quit the fags (for the umptienth time!) yesterday so we'll see how that goes. My body is my temple and all that, or perhaps it's just a mid life crisis!

Broken and rb congrats on one month! :) rb yep better to treat our body like a temple than like temple bar!
Teapot happy to hear he's come to his senses. I'm an ACOA too and it left scars on me that I don't want my kids to have to endure. Good on you for pressing on when you've got difficult stuff going on with your ex. You must feel very strong
I'm 5 days away from 500 days - bloody unbelievable!!

I hope he does stick to it Teapot, maybe seeing the dc emotional yesterday will get him to realise what he's doing. Glad he showed up and finger crossed here for you too. You're very strong to be dealing with a horrible divorce sober, should be well proud of yourself.

Well done to you too rb (and Mrsrb) You're sounding very positive and motivated I must say. Was a bit of a habitual toker myself in the past, along with all the rest of the clubbing scene drugs. Wouldnt dream of it now, seems like another person and another life. Maybe that's how I'll feel eventually sober? Stopped smoking myself nearly two weeks ago for not the first or even the twentieth time Going ok, far easier doing it without booze to kick the willpower down. Lozenges helping a lot.

Well that is simply bloody fantastic Lucy!! I say that calls for celebration and cake.

Thanks broken :) Cake indeed before I enroll the whole family on 5 weeks to sugar free over Lent - Davina McCall's new book and course EEK!!
Another raver here who loved the old recreational drug use back in the day - you name it I took it and my pre-kids friday night routine used to involve booze and a spliff. Finally gave up the nicotine lozenges earlier this month having quit the fags when I stopped drinking. My body really will be a temple LOL

Lucy nearing your 500 days; just amazing. Did you see on FB that Morning Glory had another event on Wednesday? I just wish they wouldn't make it look like every.single.person.there is an extra from a pop video - I might be brave enough to go. Are you ever down in London though? Fancy meeting up, maybe at a Club Soda event in London sometime? :) Same goes for anyone else - I'd definitely be up for something like that.

Quick question to the old ravers though - do you ever think you'd be tempted by recreational drugs if they came your way now, or does it all fall into the same category as alcohol for you?

I'm assuming that ex is coming this afternoon to collect the children, although of course can't make any plans because he couldn't possibly let me know in advance or anything as normal as that. Still, will be good for the DC and I really hope for their sake that he has them for their 2 nights.

broken - well done on stopping smoking as well! I used to be a real 20-a-day fag ash lil but "started stopping" when I was about 30. Had a few periods off it but would always go on it. I haven't had a cig now for about 6 yrs and just know I'll never go back; I've got the stage that even when I was drinking and would think 'oh fuck it' and try one, even one drag would make me feel so sick that I couldn't force my way through it. I went to the Allen Carr clinic a couple of times over the years and always found it really really worked for me.

Just had a bit of a weird thing happen - I emailed the NCDV (National Centre for Domestic Violence) last night enquiring about training as a McKenzie Friend helping victims of DV in court applications. It's something I've been interested in pursuing (along with some legal training) as part of a career change. I used to work in tv production and although I've done a bit of work after having kids, it's just so hard - particularly as a single parent - to make it work. It's also a young person's game and I'm... an old bag Walking home from the school run I was chatting to a friend and saying how depressing it is trying to think about a career change, but was trying to stay positive. I've just come home to a reply from them saying they'd love to have me as a volunteer and I just need to attend some training in Guildford at their offices first. I can't believe it. I burst into tears reading it, partly because I think it's the first positive response I've had to something like that since trying to make changes after separating, but also partly because my relationship was dysfunctional to say the least, and I feel like I am coming out of what was an abusive situation. In turn that made me wonder whether I'm still too "in the thick of it" to be able to volunteer, but... I'm going to give it a go. Can't believe it!

teapot that's wonderful news!! Congrats Who knows where this may lead - how very exciting!!
As for the recreational drugs and now - I was talking to another MN friend about this and for me it would be like a reverse gateway drug and if I had a line or something I fear I would be tempted to think oh f**k it and have a drink too. Not worth the risk tbh.

Would love to go to a Morning Glory with you and dance like I just don't care Next time maybe yes? Also Club Soda events in London - happy to join you at one :)

I feel exactly the same way Lucy re. reverse gateway drug. For me a line and alcohol went hand in hand. I just don't trust that I'd be able to say no. Not that I've had any nights out like that in recent times anyway. It made me smile though - I have some friends, a couple, who are doing Dry January, and I saw them for lunch last weekend. They told me they'd bought a gram of coke and demolished it the night before, because they'd said to themselves "well it's not alcohol, so it's okay"!! Somewhat defeats the point methinks!??