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Relationships

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Original poster

How long did it take you to get over a serious infatuation?

201 replies

muntermonster · 29/11/2014 17:34

Have avoided becoming involved with someone totally unsuitable (friend and colleague) by refusing to see him, asking him not to contact me, unfriending him on FB, etc. Nothing ever happened between us except realising we really like each other. It's been nearly 3 weeks since going no contact and I still think of him every waking moment. How long does it take for this daft sort of infatuation to subside? Writing this I realise it hasn't been that long, but seems like months rather than weeks. Feel like a dumb teen.

OP posts:

brokenhearted55a · 30/11/2014 00:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BewitchedBotheredandBewildered · 30/11/2014 00:39

OP.

You have to fuck him.

From a distance IYKWIM.

Otherwise you will always wonder.

Tinks42 · 30/11/2014 00:39

Infatuation is just that... its emotionally immature... there is a choice... I got over Donny Osmond at the age of 14....

Fiftyplusmum · 30/11/2014 00:44

Ok the cat has come in so I'm going to bed - but two things 1) BB&B How do you do that from a distance?? IDKWYM 2) Tinks - you still seem to be thinking about Donny a lot......

Tinks42 · 30/11/2014 00:46

i love donny not....

Tinks42 · 30/11/2014 00:51

well i never fucked donny, what a bitch bewildered is, im very upset now and I may even have to start a thread about it.

BewitchedBotheredandBewildered · 30/11/2014 01:32

Gosh, certainly didn't mean to upset youTinks sorry

Have to confess, have not RTWFT, was just responding to OP.

Obviously chap can not be fucked from physical distance, meant emotional distance.

With judgementals twitching, can be useful exercise.

Tinks42 · 30/11/2014 01:36

I was joking there Bewitched, flowers back at ya...

BewitchedBotheredandBewildered · 30/11/2014 01:58

Preciousbane · 30/11/2014 08:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

muntermonster · 30/11/2014 09:12

Bewitched He's married, therefore fucking is definitely not in order, unfortunately! Will just always have to wonder, but at least I know he's wondering too, and I can pretend to be an international woman of mystery ...

OP posts:

MadeMan · 30/11/2014 14:07

"Men get infatuated with women they can't have too."

Yep, we do; I think it's quite common for some people to have an occasional serious crush whether you're married or single; man or woman.

LoafersOrLouboutins · 30/11/2014 16:01

Ignoring all of tinks posts (definitely looking for an argument), I would agree that sometimes the only way to get overran infatuation is to fuck them. Otherwise there is a constant sense of 'what if'. Faith Hill 'there you'll be' is a great lovesong.

LoafersOrLouboutins · 30/11/2014 16:09

My DSis was infatuated with a man for years. He cheated on 5, yes 5, of his girlfriends with Dsis. Dsis maintained that he must be 'secretly in love' with her in order to consistently cheat with her, but never questioned why he didn't respect her enough to ever make her the 'girlfriend'. She was always the OW. She's now married to somebody else but admits she doesn't love him like she does Mr Infatuation.

ROUNDandROUNDINCIRCILESMORETHA · 01/12/2014 10:55

Erm over a year. You sound like you are doing the right thing. I admire you esp if you both are attracted.

Original poster

muntermonster · 02/12/2014 22:45

Ahem. So, despite my explicitly asking unsuitable man not to contact me except about work matters, he has started contacting me on twitter and 'faving' nearly all my tweets. This is what he was doing on FB and why I unfriended him. The tweets themselves have been innocent - possibly he thinks that it's okay as long as he doesn't say anything untoward, and doesn't realise that being in contact is itself a problem (because it just perpetuates the infatuation - not that it was weakening while we weren't in contact!).

Honestly don't know what he gets out of this, and don't know why he would just ignore my asking him not to contact me, having previously said he would do as I asked.

Am simultaneously annoyed with him and pleased to hear from him. And annoyed at myself for being pleased.

OP posts:

GoatsDoRoam · 03/12/2014 13:06

Honestly don't know what he gets out of this, and don't know why he would just ignore my asking him not to contact me

Because that way he keeps you hooked.
He doesn't have to do what you ask him. You, however, can cut contact with him (even if it means leaving Twitter) if you are serious about ending this infatuation.
It will NOT end if you stay in touch.

BlueBrightBlue · 03/12/2014 13:27

I'm sorry OP, but you seem to be " courting " this man by posting on facebook and twitter.

I'd suggest that you try to distract yourself from thinking about him and perhaps read a book or visit a friend , anything to help you focus your thoughts on something else.

Original poster

muntermonster · 03/12/2014 15:32

I'm sorry OP, but you seem to be " courting " this man by posting on facebook and twitter.

I don't think this is quite true - I unfriended him on FB and didn't tweet directly at him (I use twitter for work purposes and so wouldn't want to leave it completely) - but I think the spirit of your criticism is probably fair! I like hearing from him, and he knows I like him, and perhaps that's why he has the gumption to behave in a way that might be classed as harrassment in the eyes of someone who viewed him as merely a nuisance.

But the previous two posters are both correct in saying that I should find a distraction.

OP posts:

MajesticWhine · 03/12/2014 16:16

It's quite unattractive to a) shop around when you're married and b) not back off when you are asked to. Doesn't it put you off...? I'm guessing not . Can't you have some casual sex with someone else? I'm sure it would help. Or did we already cover that option?

Original poster

muntermonster · 03/12/2014 21:28

majestic there are many reasons why if doesn't make sense that I'm attracted to this man! And yes, I suspect that the way to forget him lies in getting involved with someone else ...

OP posts:

Tinks42 · 03/12/2014 21:34

It also lies with asking yourself why? It doesnt particularly lie with finding someone else. You know hes an arse right? So you must have something in you that wants that/expects it or dare I say a bit narcissistic. As in, I have to have him, no matter what cost.

Original poster

muntermonster · 03/12/2014 22:09

You couldn't be more wrong, Tinks, I'm afraid. I know I can have him if I want - he's made that clear. There is one pretty big reason why he's attractive to me (which I don't want to go into for fear of making us both too identifiable), it's just that he's unattractive in many ways too, including being a bit sleazy. And if I'm honest, it's flattering that he can't leave me alone, though perhaps it shouldn't be.

OP posts:

discophile · 03/12/2014 22:26

I have been infatuated with someone for 10 months. I see him often. He is totally wonderful. We get on absolutely great. I have learnt to live with the feelings but I don't think they will ever go away. We are both single.

Tinks42 · 03/12/2014 22:27

???? you seem to have done a 360 degree turn here then OP.... I even had to go back and check what your opening question was. Maybe you need to as well.

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