How long did it take you to get over a serious infatuation?

[muntermonster]

Have avoided becoming involved with someone totally unsuitable (friend and colleague) by refusing to see him, asking him not to contact me, unfriending him on FB, etc. Nothing ever happened between us except realising we really like each other. It's been nearly 3 weeks since going no contact and I still think of him every waking moment. How long does it take for this daft sort of infatuation to subside? Writing this I realise it hasn't been that long, but seems like months rather than weeks. Feel like a dumb teen.

And that is very good advice Arrow.

It is like a drug. It's heady and intoxicating. But I do think in relationships anyway, that feeling can be a bad sign. Too much too soon. I've chased after men, made sacrifices,begged them, cried and sobbed over them. I'm a professional woman. I've given myself a bit of a shake. I'm a mother!

You just have to get to a point where you tell yourself that no matter how hard it is, you will do what it takes to get over it. It won't be instant but you can do it.

I get that too Brokenhearted, but when it makes you unable to think like a rational person then its a problem. You need to get real and see it... its almost like a fantasy and thats where it should stay, as a fantasy.

No one here is wallowing

raises hand

I think I am to be honest. I enjoy thinking about our times together and fantasizing about him kissing me, holding me, falling in love with me (which will never happen, he only loves himself). And this (fantasy/ reliving when you last saw them like a film) is part of limerence.

But I've come to terms with it. I know that I'm utterly obsessed and that it won't go away until it goes away. I can't make it. All I can do is try to help it go away and I feel so crap about myself and my self esteem is so low that I am not motivated to try.

I know I won't feel like this forever. I won't feel like this in 5 years time.
I won't feel like this when I meet someone else.

Until then, I am focussed on having a fresh start in the New Year, committing to a new healthy lifestyle to try to improve my body and self image and mainly no contact with him.

The OP wasn't really about having the backbone to end a relationship though, it was about how to stop thinking about someone when you keep thinking about them, even when you don't want to. What you are saying tinks, sounds a bit like telling a depressed person to cheer up and snap out of it.

what im trying to say here is if it causes you angst then you need to get shot knowing they arent right for you. if someone makes you laugh and you feel good about being with them then continue. DONT sell yourselves short.

I think I believed the fairytale shit at one time, broken and was taken in by it twice in one year.

I hear what youre saying Majestic and I do want to cuddle her but i want to smack her

You can't stop yourself thinking about them. But you can help yourself. I'm: posting on here for support. Trying to limit the time I talk about him (not always successfully), keeping busy, socialising, reading books, taking anti depressants to help with my low mood, having counselling and trying to practice mindfulness. It still hurts, I'm still lonely, but it helps a bit.

"I replay in my head how many fucked up relationships I know he's had. How many red flags are attached to him and ask why I want him and wonder why he doesnt want to try it with me"

Because you CANT cure him... Id love you to get to the place where you say.. .shit he's very damaged and i dont want to even go near that!

I'd do exactly the same as you are broken. Because I'm not yet strong enough to say no to scraps. But it will prolong the pain for you in the long term.

You cannot "make" someone do whats right, never ever can you do that. All you can do is say this is NOT healthy for me, this is not making ME feel good, this is not a good relationship and STOP selling yourselves short. The only "beings" that you could ever really love "UNCONDITIONALLY" are your children. Otherwise there are equal conditions. If you choose to make yourselves weak, if you choose to let someone abuse your kindness then that is down to YOU.

Its like a child saying... i will have this at whatever cost. Growing up " emotionally" is what its about.... there is something in you that is still very young and immature, can you grow up? who knows?

well thats you, just dont promote that.

He is not your child, he is someone that you met.

But you are continuing to make yourself feel like shit.. no help needed or wanted, go ahead and do that.

I am NOT trying to change him.
nor am I trying to make him want me.

what the hell are you doing then?

"I tend to listen to the gloomy love songs about love lost."

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