How long did it take you to get over a serious infatuation?

[muntermonster]

Have avoided becoming involved with someone totally unsuitable (friend and colleague) by refusing to see him, asking him not to contact me, unfriending him on FB, etc. Nothing ever happened between us except realising we really like each other. It's been nearly 3 weeks since going no contact and I still think of him every waking moment. How long does it take for this daft sort of infatuation to subside? Writing this I realise it hasn't been that long, but seems like months rather than weeks. Feel like a dumb teen.

About three years . I seen him a while back , he was bald and fat. He was trying to get my attention but I blanked him. I was on a date with my now dp who is rubbing my feet as I write this

???? so youre advising broken hearted now? blimey. Lets all stay and enable each other then....

The solution is all about "self worth" and advising others to go down your road is not a good idea.

Smh brokenheart, you sound like you love the drama and want all the sympathy and understanding. No helping folk like that.

It takes you however long until you meet the next one!

I go from one crap man to the next and each one helps me over the other. Who knows one day I might meet a good one :)

i totally get the fact that we get sucked in and asking for help.

what i dont get is enabling others to do the same and saying its ok.

if i were you, id take it to private message and enable each other.

I've decided to give up dating for the time being for that reason. Meeting someone else is the cure for infatuation, but it can't be rushed either. You have to be strong for dating.

Arrow, going from one shit relationship to another doesnt get you anywhere. If thats what you want then go ahead and repeat the pattern. Stop "enabling"

I feel for you too, Brokehearted. Tinks, it's really not that simple, although I can see how you say that if you haven't been there yourself.

what i dont get is enabling others to do the same and saying its ok

I encouraged brokenhearted not to let her obsession over this dead-end guy blind her to the opportunity of meeting someone better. In what way is that 'enabling'? Do you think that is bad advice? (Genuinely interested here!)

Leaves the thread due to everyone "wallowing" in self pity, really? no back bone, no sense of self worth? it makes me cringe.

I agree on that. It's what I've done and I'm so bruised, I can't put myself through it again. I need to reassess and have boundaries and self respect first. I do think, if you really care about yourself, you won't accept scraps.

I know if my ex came back (thank God he won't) I'd take any scraps he offered me. And that is precisely why I know I'm not ready for dating.

We need self esteem and boundaries. These men don't deserve us pining after them.

I agree on going from one relationship to another being bad I meant

Hi Tinks, I get what you are saying but I thought this thread was about being infactuated and having lustful feelings for someone rather than full blown crap relationships which I don't suffer.

What I was meaning was that to have those feelings for someone else soon gets you over the last one and hopefully one day one of those men will be worthy.

Tinks - I am guessing that you have not experienced an infatuation that you found it very difficult to get over?

It is simple, its not complicated, you choose to complicate matters.

He isnt nice.... dump!

Its a very damn simple equation, its not rocket science.

He treats me like shit.... oh best i stay and try to make him see how lovely i really am
He is selfish and shit in bed... best I give him more blow jobs and show him how sexy i really am

errrr

Infatuation is not "healthy" and im also allowed to have a say on a public forum surely

majestic... yes i did have an infatuation and thought I was going to marry Donny Osmond due to having a birth mark on my lower jaw the same as he had. I grew up and had to part from him...

I've actually stopped listening to a lot of love songs. I found it fuelled my longing and gave me unrealistic fairytale ideas about love. Hopefully I'll be able to listen again when I'm stronger! But it does hurt, no denying it. But you do have to be strong I guess. I'm going through it now. I'm lonely but I'm not going to put myself out there till I'm 100% certain I can detect and dump the players out there.

books and films etc make millions of pounds out of a false sense of "romance" and if you bring that over to "real life" then thats where the problem lies, dont you get it?

But Tinks, sometimes it happens in RL and not just a poster on your bedroom wall.

It's a bit like a drug and you cannot help yourself at the time.

My advice is go no contact as hard as it is and move on, you can do it, but that won't happen until you really want to/meet someone else that inspires you.