Have just realised this is mammoth, but i need some perspective.
Hello,
I'm at home, alone.
On Friday, DS had an "insect day", I had planned to take him to the Lego brickfest in London, when i told his dad he said he would come and we could stay with his parents (who live in London) on Thursday night to get a good start on Friday.
I was dubious but he promised to be nice, DS likes it when we do things together. On thurs night his mum says oh i'll take the day off and come as well. Great, fine.
Gets about halfway through the day and he starts to do what he usually does, bossing everyone around, making a fuss out of everything ie DS not allowed treats, picking at his mum for wanting to give him her biscuit from coffee etc, only letting him have half of something ie cake/sweet, making him feel bad for wanting toys etc. He does this thing ( that my dad and his wife also do) where he gradually stops talking to me. He starts ignoring what I say, wont make eye contact with me, turns away when I start to speak etc.
There was a really little boy on the go karts who drove straight at the inflatable wall and the wall was going across the hall, he was really cute and it was quite funny (he wasn't in danger) and everyone was giggling. It was behind DS dad and I said( smiling)" look at that, DS dad, bless him" or something and he wouldn't even look at me. I said "look behind you" (smiling). Ignored.
I sort of just stood there and then he turned round and said "I'm trying to focus on my son". DS was doing an activity with a guy showing the kids what to do.
I said I just thought it was funny. He said no one wants to hear what you have to say, its not relevant, stop distracting me. Then turned round to continue staring intently at DS making a torch.
I said quietly why do you always have to be so rude to me?
"Stop distracting me"
"Cant you just afford me some common courtesy? You don't flat out ignore your mum when she speaks to you, so why me?"
At this point DS gran takes DS to next table for different activity as I think she didn't want DS hearing.
He follows them. I say his name. He turns round and says
"Why is it always about you? You are so IGNORANT and self-obsessed"
I then say how do you hold down a job if you ignore people all day, he says I tell them to leave me a message that's relevant, why do you think you're so special etc
Then walks over to DS making something at a table with the activity leader and literally crouches down next to him in the crowd of kids, pushing some out of being able to stand at the table and puts his face about 2 handspans from what he's doing, says nothing and just stares intently at what DS is making. REALLY creepy.
Bosses everyone around rest of day while no eye contact/ignoring what I say/ interrupting when I speak with something else completely.
He slept on floor in DS' room at his parents, confusing his cousins who were staying, who for some reason thought we were TOGETHER ( we haven't been for over 5 yrs)
I came down in the morning when I heard him get up to find DS hunched on the sofa moaning he was "freezing" and shivering. He was burning to the touch. I said how was he overnight, DS dad says it was too hot so I turned the heating off(for the whole house!) and he looked a bit sweaty so I took his pyjamas off. Weird.
DS went downhill all morning, I got bitched at for cuddling him as "he's fine, he's strong, he doesnt get ill" I insisted on phoning doctor and got had a go at for "being negative" and "making him feel ill by telling him he's ill".
I asked DS "How are you?". He said "not good, my throat feels like its got cuts in it, and electricity is zapping it, and I am freeeeeezing" every now and then he would double up with abdominal pain.
Long story short we drove back to where DS dad lives, DS dad has electric car so had to stop for 2 x 45 min charges on way, so DS and I went with his mum who was coming for the weekend.
We met at local pub for lunch, DS couldn't eat anything and just wanted to lie on the bench seat, his dad had a go at me for cuddling him and sympathising when he said he felt ill. "He needs to sit up and eat something, he's fine". Then when I said maybe we should ring NHS direct he started picking at me saying DS is only playing up because I was being negative and telling him he doesn't look well.
I said NO why are you insisting he suffer by saying no to doctors looking at him?
His mum had a go saying not in front of DS, I agreed, she then got pissed off and went to sit in the car.
I went 5 min journey back to DS dads in the back of his car so we could discuss not in front of DS, he then went mad and said some awful things.. I kind of snapped and starting hysterically crying at what he said. he said a lot, but the main things I remember are that I said about how I don't trust him because he has put DS at risk so many times before (Many long stories but if he was solely responsible for DS he'd be dead).
He said that "Have you ever wondered, Sure, why you don't have any friends? I suppose you wonder why you don't have any family you're in contact with?"
I started crying and said "yes, because my family were abusive and its self preservation" he then said " No you have no one because of who you are, that's why you're on your own".
I sort of stopped breathing and said that he doesn't know me he has no idea what is going on in my life, he said "your problem is that you just cant let anything go. Just let it go". I kept sayng "you have no idea, you have no idea, please stop" but he kept on, he told me I am ignorant, up myself, self-obsessed, pathetic, and more that really set me off not being able to breathe, and my vision sort of went funny and my heart was racing, I cant remember what he kept saying (blocked it out?) but it was cutting to the core.
At this point I lost it, screamed that sometimes i wish i'd never met him and started scrabbling for the handle, we pulled up and I just wanted to get my stuff, get DS and go, his mum wouldn't let Ds out the car, DS dad following me around keeping on at me.
I eventually opened the boot and starting trying to grab my stuff out of the back seat through the boot while having this weird breathing where I couldn't catch my breath. I just kept saying "no thank you" really quietly every time he started trying to talk to me - he was still going on.
Eventually I realised that I couldn't carry all my stuff plus ill DS, and my car was five and a half miles away and it was getting dark. I put my things neatly in a pile, said that I needed to get my car. DS dad, laughing, said he'd give me a lift. I said thank you but I wouldn't be getting in a car with him, and walked off up the road with my handbag.
DS dad lives in a rural village on top of a hill, no buses, no taxis will come up. I walked, still struggling to breathe and crying hysterically, 2 miles down country roads to the next village, no buses going where I needed, no taxis would come out. I had thin coat, no scarf/hat and it was beginning to freeze, I walked crying for 2 hrs to get my car.
Went back to see DS, DS dad wouldn't acknowledge me, I sat with DS and DS said he thought he needed to see doctor, I rang NHS direct and waited for ringback til he had an appointment.
DS said he wanted me to take him (when I said dad and gran would take him), he said that "daddy always tells me i'm fine when i'm not fine". DS dad said he would take him and gran said best if only one of us goes with her and DS.
So I ended up having to leave because I can't handle more arguing.
I drove 1.5 hrs home crying, woke up crying.
DS dad wont reply as to when he is bringing him home and hangs up phone when I ring.
Really feeling pretty fucking awful.
Thanks if you got through this post!
Thoughts?