Me again. ..

[CalmAndConfused]

hi,

I've had several posts on here about mine and my husband's relationship. The last post was because he said we should separate, however we then decided to give it one last go...which part of me feels is just prolonging the inevitable.

Anyway I'm am going out with friends tonight (first time in over a year), and H made comments on the underwear I'm wearing. He always asks if there will be males there if I go places without him...even asking me one time when I was going to a funeral (aparantly I was taking this wrong and he was meaning it as a compliment about him thinking I looked nice ) .

Also he keeps going on about how I mustn't be to late in case the kids wake up...

Is all this normal as it makes me feel like crap and means I can't enjoy my time out as I am clock watching etc

I've got my bank account. He needs to leave before I can apply for benefits . I drew out some cash though, and my mum will help if I need.

You don't need to assume anything, he's already not gone willingly.

What is the situation with your joint account? Did you take out half? Freeze the account?

He does not need to leave for you to apply for benefits. You are single and financially in dependant from the moment you sent the email.

Just apply, and assume that he won't go. Don't plead with him. The best way to do this is to think 'fuck you' and go for it.

Can I send you some 'fuck you' vibes? I have plenty spare. Use them whenever you need to. x

The wifi password is usually on a label at the back of or underneath the router. Worth a look so you don't use up all your data allowance.

account has no overdraft or ability to go minus. I left enough for all our direct debits. I'll get on and apply for benefits when the kids go down. good to know I don't need to wait.

He is apparently leaving tonight, but we'll see. I'll still assume he won't.

yes please to the fuck you vibes

shiney. my brother set up her wifi with a custom password. he's a nurse in A&E so haven't been able to talk to him to get it yet.

They are on their way OP. Luckily, they don't run out so you can use them as and when you need them.

You can do it OP.

And of course when I said someone has to be strong enough to do the leaving I was meaning you ... bad wording, sorry. Sometimes the X can be made to leave sometimes he can't. I think yours might be one of those that is incapable of leaving, due to his conviction that he owns you. Bee's XH left because he thought it was a clever way of regaining control. Yours isn't like that, staying put seems to be his MO. You have to be the active one in finishing this. You'll NEVER get his permission or co-operation.

Yes, what LittleOne says is very worthy of note. Plus get money now, before he shuts down access to it. Start phoning WA now and just see if you can get an answer. They are busy so persistence is required. You can email them too but phone as well. This is urgent, Calm. I really don't think you should consider returning home. You know he will re-dominate you.

omg just read your post ... i'll try not to get excited that he might just prove me wrong (i'd so love to be wrong!)

I love love love the fuck you vibes!!

Just because he wants to try doesn't mean you have to let him. It is too little too late and what exactly does he want to try with? He is a twat and he knows it and he doesn't like his toy being taken away from him.

I would push on ASAP with all the legal stuff so you do not ever have to be in the same house as him again. Imagine that..

You definitely cannot live separate lives in the same house as him, I think that is eminently clear from your posts, OP. If he doesn't move out, would that mean you are homeless and entitled to a council house? It looks like you would benefit by talking to the CAB

How was the rest of yesterday Calm?

Hope you're ok Calm xxx

Sorry for not replying sooner. GTBEXH left yesterday! Things Are Going Good, me and DD'S are back home and it is lovely. getting on with legal stuff today.

Thank you all so, so much

Yay - whoop whoop.

Excellent. Don't forget to get the locks changed as soon as you can.

tried to post a reply and my phone lost it.

GTBEXH is gone. He left Saturday and now me and the girls are back home. It feels weird but also so much calmer and better.

I'm getting on with legal stuff today.

Thank you all so, so much

Fantastic news to start the day and week. Enjoy the peace, even with two tiny children, you'll still have real peace.

Time to break out the sheet tents.

Are you going to be able to stop him moving back in?

What fantastic news! Keep strong and enjoy the peace, try to see this as the beginning of a great new life instead of the end of something. make sure he knows this is the end, dont waver for a second or he will creep back in... and keep posting for advice and to let us all know you are ok!

Well done OP!

Are your finances ok?

omg that's fantastic news Calm ....

How do you feel??

Feel weird! But a good weird. Yes my finances are ok, and benefits applied for! My mum is being super now she knows it's final.

Going to go and choose our puppy on Sunday

Thank you all sooooo much, I can't say it enough

such great news!! well done

Brilliant news, OP.

Have you changed the locks? Are you entitled to?