Me again. ..

[CalmAndConfused]

hi,

I've had several posts on here about mine and my husband's relationship. The last post was because he said we should separate, however we then decided to give it one last go...which part of me feels is just prolonging the inevitable.

Anyway I'm am going out with friends tonight (first time in over a year), and H made comments on the underwear I'm wearing. He always asks if there will be males there if I go places without him...even asking me one time when I was going to a funeral (aparantly I was taking this wrong and he was meaning it as a compliment about him thinking I looked nice ) .

Also he keeps going on about how I mustn't be to late in case the kids wake up...

Is all this normal as it makes me feel like crap and means I can't enjoy my time out as I am clock watching etc

BULLSHIT. And if it is true, he surely can still stay.

I also detect bullshit. Anyhow, even if it were true, surely he'd want to be near her, so staying there is ideal.

Total bullshit!! if she has collapsed she will be taken to hospital. If she goes to hospital he really should go with her. If for no other reason than to organise and ensure her safe return home. After which she will require care. So a million EXTRA reasons for him to go to his mother's.

You've done brilliantly to send him the email. I'm so proud of you. Now he needs to understand that IT IS OVER.

He's a controlling abusive shit and you must be strong if you want your life back. Fight for your life, dear Calm

He should be ashamed of himself using his mother like this. Has he no pride? He is not wanted. He should fuck off.

Maybe phone his mum, show some concern? .

Lesson 101(a) - don't believe a word he says!

Lesson 101(b) - do believe that he is out to regain control of you!

oooo yes, phone his mum ...

Where is he now Calm?

Gosh, well done, Calm. As others have said, if his mother really has collapsed, he should be there with her.

Well done calm, do not fall for his bullshit. Turn your phone off and BREATHE in your freedom.

Just ignore. It doesn't require a reply.

Is the plan to stay at your mum's?

Hope you're ok Calm, and he didn't drag you into some kind of drama to get back in control.

Sorry I get awful signal at my mums, and she doesn't have the wifi password. He won't leave at the moment, still wants to try etc. I just want it over. At my mums tonight, but can't be tomorrow

I can be back at mums Sunday to... its just tomorrow really

Why cant you be there tomorrow?

Ring Women's Aid, get their advice. Are you able to stay Saturday night at your mum's, i.e. is it just during the day you have to leave?

Yes I could stay Saturday night

So, what's your plan for today?

(I'm struggling to imagine a scenario where you have to be out all day today to be honest. Has your mum got a gathering of 30 Morris Dancers coming round to practice and they're already on their way in the minibus with not one mobile phone between them to let them know it's been postponed?).

She's got some work being done. Tbh thinking about it I can probably manage just taking the kids out the way upstairs.

had to smile at the 30 Morris dancers! my hippy brother does Morris dancing so it would be possible

feeling better after sleeping

Oh my, you brave brave girl. I can't add any advice as other more experienced girls are guiding you. Please please do not return. I have been reading your blog & just want you & your precious little ones to live in safety surrounded by love, which will never be achieved if you stay with shitfaced gobshite. Be strong , (((((((( hugs))))))))))

He isn't going to leave, Calm. You need Plan B. Realising that your mother is being only minimally helpful (does she know that you have ended the marriage? Not vaguely, possibly on the cards but DONE?) ...

I think you need outside RL advice (WA?) and practical help which might involve YOU and the dc leaving for now. When something is over someone has to be strong enough to do the leaving. He has rejected that it is over. You need to be strong enough to show him that this is the truth of it.

I'm not sure you have the stomach for living/sleeping in the same house but totally separately. And this would mean totally separately. Plus finances would be screwed as you can't claim anything while he is present.

Sorry to sound so heavy first thing on the weekend but this is the reality, hey?

True tipsy. No I don't think I could manage to be in the same house without caving. I will give him till Monday which I told him in the email. If he still doesn't go I will ring WA for advice

Could you call Women's Aid to talk about a refuge place? Get yourself some more options.

Sorry x-post. It can be hard to get through to WA. Why not call them now to get the right information ready to act on Monday, if he doesn't leave.

Why would he leave on Monday? Because you asked? Because it would make you happy even if it made him unhappy? Because he has recognised that you have a different opinion of the marriage than him, so he says "OK I'll leave you in peace"?

He wants you and him in the house together where he can work on you 24/7 until you cave.

Perhaps you should plan assuming that he will do anything force you back home.

Have you got your bank account yet? Money? The obvious way to force you home is to cut off all access to money.

Why not call them now to get the right information ready to act on Monday, if he doesn't leave.

This.

Trying them now. Your all right, I need to assume he won't go willingly.