Change yr name, make a confession!

[iamsomeoneelse]

A thread to get something deep and dark off your chest -- anonymously!

If you don't know how to change your name, go to the 'My Mumsnet' tab and go into the 'My Account' section, there you can enter any name you like. Then, just enter your usual password and click 'Save Changes' et voila! Instant new identity!

I'll get the ball rolling:

I really feel that there are some deep cracks forming in my marriage, and I have a horrible feeling that divorce may be on the horizon after 10+ years of marriage. Part of me is terrified by the effect this might have on my two DDs, but another part of me is quietly excited at the prospect of a new and different kind of relationship.

[beautyfades]

I agree heart.I have seen next door neighbours family men the lot. Even though my own father seems the type to never do such a thing I KNOW it would be naive to assume not as over the years clients are so "normal". When I see women say he would never cheat I just think if only she knew what I did. I don't trust ANY man I think there all capabul of being led by their cock.

[beautyfades]

Also must of been with thousands of paying customers over the years and I never feel guilty, don't actually think I should but what I mean is I don't give it a second thought.

[imgoingtohaveto]

Ok here goes ..

I'm pregnant and the father - the bloke I were seeing turned out to be a raving lunatic (stalking , threats & violence) , I cut all contact with him before I new I were pregnant & he I can't ever find out as he will kill me .
I have taken to hiding away in my own home as he only works over the road (he took the job so he could watch me)

I only go out once a fortnight and have to keep the curtains shut all the time as I have seen him watching me .

[PaperBagLady]

Have you reported him to the police?

[VernonGodLittle]

Some of these posts have been heart-wrenching to read. Your's in particular Zalen, please don't subject yourself to so much awfulness. It's not up to him to decide whether you have grounds for a divorce. Besides, what he's doing to you definitely falls under unreasonable behaviour, to put it mildly in the extreme.

Right, my confession. I worked as an independent escort for a short time many moons ago. I met my (now) husband during that time, he was my client. We remain very much in love, and are each other's best friends.

[Zalen]

Thank you, but honestly it doesn't feel awful, so maybe I'm a bit grouchy for a day or two after, truly I see it more as a duty shag as mentioned on another thread.

I'm honestly happy in my life most of the time now, for the first 20 years of our marriage my husband went out most evenings, did what he liked, often 'fell asleep' at friends and stayed out overnight without warning. Now it's my turn, I won't get 20 years worth, DS will be independent in 8 years, but I train martial arts 4 times a week, I go to the cinema at least once most weekends, I take weekend trips to London to visit DS1 and go to the theatre.

Don't worry about me, there are lots of people here who have it far worse, imgoingtohaveto your situation sounds especially bad, I'd say call the police but I expect that might lead to him finding out about the baby which you obviously really don't want.

My confession is really about, a) being jealous of those whose husband doesn't touch them and b) after promising to love him in sickness and in health, I fell out of love with him when he was recovering from stress and depression.

[onlytheonce]

My wife hasn't wanted to have sex for a few years. I still love her and we get on well, no atmosphere at home etc. I just want to feel desired. I've been on chat rooms and talked to women, sent and received photos etc. Trying not to do that now and face up to things instead so need to decide whether to stick with it and hope for the best or cut our losses and move on.

[afink]

I've been with my husband for 8 years (married for 7), and love him a lot. But I could not feel much less enthusiastic about shagging him. I really really cannot be fannied. When we do actually have sex, it is good and I enjoy it, but I just don't fancy him enough to ever actively want it. To add insult to injury, I have a very high sex drive and want to shag almost everyone who is male and not him. Seriously, I lust after school dads, teachers, ex boyfriends, male friends, and desperately want to cheat on my husband and have amazing sex again. So far, I haven't acted on it (although did briefly snog someone one night several months ago).

I used to have real problems staying faithful when in long term relationships, but always swore that I would never get married unless I truly planned on staying faithful to that person. so far, I have (apart from that one short, very drunken kiss), but I cheat on him constantly in my head. Sometimes I think that's actually worse than just getting on with it and shagging someone occasionally to get it out of my system.

[afink]

NameChangeAMungo I read your confession and identified. Yes, really. Years ago when I was at uni (see message above which confesses that I used to have very serious problems staying faithful when in relationships until I met my husband), I was in a long term relationship with a guy from back home. We'd been together for about 4 or 5 years, and I used to cheat on him a lot with men at university. One night, I was with someone I was seeing on the side and was giving him a blow-job. As he came in my mouth, my phone beeped, and I leaned over, picked it up and read a text message from my long term BF back home that said "I love you so much. I know that text message is about as unromantic as it gets, but will you marry me?"

Yep, mouthful of manjuice, being proposed to by someone else. Classy. not proud.

[Darkesteyes]

It wasnt until i joined MN just over 3 years ago that i realised there are so many people in the same boat as me. Until then i thought my situation was unique. It saddens me that there are so many of us living like this. I cant stop crying and thinking what could be or might have been. I feel like ive been made responsible for everyone elses happiness and have to sacrifice my own in the process. If that sounds selfish then maybe it is.


Zalen im so sorry for what you are going through. No one should be co erced or forced into sex they dont want. It is rape.

[fluffyblue]

Ten years ago I was drunk and had a threesome with two on-duty policemen who gave me a lift home, it happened in the police car. They were both older than me and married and I would see them around with their wives and children. At the time I was in a very unhappy and physically abusive relationship with my ex partner. A couple of years after the threesome incident, my partner assaulted me and I finally got the police to kick him out. Within a week or two of this happening the two policemen I'd slept with both turned up at my door separately at night. I let one of them in and slept with him again on my settee but he wasn't on duty that time. Haven't seen them since but only really realise now how wrong it was.

[loloftherings]

afink:

But...did you accept the proposal?

[UsernameNot]

I confess that I read fluffyblues confession about the threesome with the two policeman and was a bit jealous. I've never had a threesome with 2 men but would like too. Sounds like a porn film. How did it start?

heartofgolders
I wish I was more like you. What are your top tips for pulling men? How do you move from boardroom to bedroom as it were?

[ifeelguilty]

Test

[fluffyblue]

Well I was very drunk and flirting with them both, then one of them got in the back with me..it just sort of happened. It was a bit crap to be honest.

[WasNotMe]

Wow fluffyblue. Apart from the fact that it might be exciting/fun it is unsettling to hear that this sort of thing happens, I've always thought that they wouldn't do that, to avoid jeopardising their jobs.

I want to confess. I complain at length about my abusive relationship but I had an affair 15 years ago. The relationship with DH was already hellish but I didn't realise back then that there was such a thing as emotional abuse. DH and I never kiss-- never have and I don't fancy it. But kissing with affair guy was out of this world. Sadly I knew it couldn't last. When it stopped I decided to put it all behind me, no real guilt, just dropped it.

DH never found out but he suspected something was up. So I am not totally blameless but when i talk to WA, post on here, etc, about how awful he is to me, I don't give his side of the story and perhaps I don't really deserve the moral high ground. Just a niggling worry. If it were the other way around...?

[hatetheplayersandthegame]

I was abused by men for years including a violent rape as a teen.

I am on the whole, only very attracted to men with a history of violence or abuse in relationships. I KNOW how sick that is but it's not something I have control of. I have a degree in Psychology so I know why I do this, a way of 'testing' that this time I'll be control, this time I'll come out on top.

And I always do. The one's who aren't abusive to me I have genuinely loved and treated well. But the others; the 'players', the abusers, the married men who treat me like an idiot, who think I'm vulnerable and ripe for their deceit and up for an affair - I go along and then systematically destroy them.

I know their strengths and weaknesses, I understand them better than they understand themselves and I exploit that and I break them down and make sure they're left with nothing.

They think they're 'players' and I genuinely don't want to play their games but if they push me into it; if they try to abuse me or treat me like an idiot this cold, calculated rage descends. So i'll play and win.

There's not a 'game' I haven't played and won and I always walk away looking like the victim when I was in control the whole time.

And I feel no shred of guilt for doing so. I am a lovely person, very popular, loved by friends and family and give EVERYONE a chance regardless of their past but if you're a man who thinks you can use, abuse, exploit or con me - you underestimated the other 'player' and you're fucked.

[WhatAreTheyWorryingAboutToday]

Testing, testing, 1, 2...

[upatree]

On the day of DP's funeral, overcome with grief and extremely confused, I slept with DP's brother. It still haunts me, over 10 years later.

[DollStar]

heartofgolders Very interesting, and as I have got older I realise this it is true. I attract lots of men and know they just want sex - I don't give it but it doesnt stop them trying...all the time!

[Darkesteyes]

upatree both of you were grieving. Dont be too hard on yourself

[HumblePieMonster]

upatree, that's so 'normal'. You were both grieving. Its like Levirate marriage.

[GirlOnAHotTinRoof]

Testing....

[GirlOnAHotTinRoof]

I've been a complete bitch to my ex and his DW. I've done everything I can to disrupt their lives and control what they do and I don't care if I use my kids as weapons, as long as I get my own way.
She wasn't the OW and she's done nothing to me, she's always been positive about me to my kids too, but I don't need a reason to be unreasonable and nasty.
I've spread lies about them and made myself look like a victim.
I'm scared I'm a narcissist and a control freak.

Oh, no wait, that's not MY confession, that's what I imagine DH's ex-W would write on here if she one iota of self-awareness or something approximating a conscience.

Who knew how cathartic writing that would be?! Loving this thread!