Change yr name, make a confession!

[iamsomeoneelse]

A thread to get something deep and dark off your chest -- anonymously!

If you don't know how to change your name, go to the 'My Mumsnet' tab and go into the 'My Account' section, there you can enter any name you like. Then, just enter your usual password and click 'Save Changes' et voila! Instant new identity!

I'll get the ball rolling:

I really feel that there are some deep cracks forming in my marriage, and I have a horrible feeling that divorce may be on the horizon after 10+ years of marriage. Part of me is terrified by the effect this might have on my two DDs, but another part of me is quietly excited at the prospect of a new and different kind of relationship.

[WhatAreTheyWorryingAboutToday]

I had an emotional affair with a married man at work. He is unhappy in an arranged marriage. We kissed, but we both felt guilty and ended it.

I sometimes look at him across the staffroom and wonder what might have been...

I still catch him looking at me when he thinks I can't see. He's probably caught me looking at him, too.

I'm looking for a new job because it's killing me to see him every day

No one else knows.

But there you go.

[Darkesteyes]

I broke down in the hairdressers today. They were lovely to me. It was nice to get some support in RL. They very kindly reminded me that ive lost weight. Even said i look stunning. And that i should be over the moon.

But i just feel confused and unhappy. And scared that i will never have affection or sex again.

[Fiftyplusmum]

Sending everybody on this thread

[Fool4u]

Ha can't even work out the name change thing.. Anyway..My sons extreme autism & special needs has driven me to the end of my tether. I haven't had sex with my husband for 2 years. I self-medicate on a bottle of wine a night & then go to work in a job where I try & get my clients away from alcoholism & dysfunctional relationships. I'm such a hypocrite.. My life's more messed up than theirs. I hate myself Not even touching the iceberg here. just want it all to go away ??

[Havetosay]

Darkesteyes

It affects you on so many levels doesn't it? I just can't accept that my sex life is over unless I cheat. Then it's not a solution anyway and the guilt would be awful and I know then that I would have feelings for the person I cheated with as I couldn't do it lightly, I would have to really not be able to say no. I have met (unattached) men who I really like though my job and I know, just a little extra eye contact or any kind of gesture and I would be able to have some kind of relationship. But, I couldn't keep it buried and hidden and then my marriage would be over.

I wish I could just be like my DH and not be bothered, but I can't, in fact it's getting worse.

[iamsomeoneelse]

Glad some people are finding this thread cathartic. There've already been some really heavy/emotive posts on here -- I hope that typing this stuff is a little like saying it out loud, in a safe space.

[ShortandSweeter]

Hi! just a quick question if I may. I see a lot of refrences to EA on MN. If someone kisses someone, is that an EA or an affair?

[FolkGirl]

I would say there's little difference between an emotional affair and a physical one.

I think kissing crosses the boundary from one to the other, though.

[Darkesteyes]

Havetosay I completely understand. Its getting worse here too. I get a lump in my throat when i see a couple kissing on tv. Its worse this time of year because you see it on the Christmas adverts as well as the programmes themselves.
In the hairdressers yesterday they were so kind to me and told me that i worry too much.
I know i need to bring this up with DH but i think hes so far removed from even thinking about affection and he just doesnt want to discuss it. 4 years ago he said to me "do what you need to do but please be discreet about it" in a really begrudging way. I do feel this is unfair of him.

My hairdresser yesterday pointed out that 20 years from now i will be 61 and he might not be around any more and i could be completely on my own with no one. I dont have DC and hes closer to my parents age than mine.
When i had a long term affair which ive mentioned upthread my parents (my DM especially) sympathised with him even though at that point he hadnt touched me for seven years. The punchline is they treat him like the sun shines out of his arse but he actually doesnt like them very much. In their eyes the man is always right.

[SoleSource]

Not namechanging.

I still think about the last guy i was with, every single day. He was attentive, helpful, good talker, caring sometimes and i felt there was a big spark between us. He lied to me, stole from me, lied about me, was ashamed to be seen with me, didn't take me seriously and ate my food and stayed at my house for free.

Six years now, i still want him or revenge i just do not know i feel this way, clinging onto the past, hoping he;ll come back. I miss him.

[Cakewrecked]

I got back in touch with a ex about 18 months ago, we've both moved from our home town, he's in a (failing) long term relationship, I was single at the time. We met up a couple of times and we kissed.
I met my DP, we've moved in together. And I love him. But I'm still in contact with my ex. And I'm in love with him too. I refuse to see him because I doubt that I would be able to stop things crossing even further over the line.

[SelfLoathing]

My first thought on readings that was wow that would so work on me!
What on earth does that say about me!?

In a nutshell, you are probably latently sexually submissive or have some submissive desires that you haven't experimented with.

[AnyFucker]

DA, if you do decide to explore that side of yourself, please make sure it is with someone who isn't a misogynist rape apologist, won't you ?

[Cakewrecked]

DA I enjoy choking during sex. It's done as safely as possible, it's consensual, it's done within the confines of a loving relationship. There are agreed upon boundaries. I am very much a submissive during sex.

[SelfLoathing]

Dirtyalert - you may find reading this thread useful. Scattered throughout it is lots of good advice.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2226157-Should-I-indulge-this-fantasy?

[Sidari]

Test

[drunkandsad]

test

[Northumberlandia]

test

[drunkandsad]

I have been married 23 years and had sex 12 times. 4 times resulting in pregnancy, 2 DC, 2 MC. I think my H is gay but so deeply in the closet that he doesn't even know it himself. He goes out almost every night to meet male friends so I get drunk sitting alone at home.

[Sidari]

I've been married for 15 years and love DH dearly, confident that we'll grow old and grey together etc but...

I've been truly, madly, deeply and unrequitedly in love with A.N.Other for over 5 years. We had a drunken snog about 2 years ago and it was heaven. Well for me anyway. And now he's just got engaged and I'm gutted He was always out of my league, devastatingly attractive/sexy etc but I long for him.

DH is fab, but our sex life has been pants for a long time and that's mostly down to me. Earlier because of low libido post birth and latterly because I'm unwell but like a previous poster, I fantasise about having sex with new men. That unmistakable frisson you get with someone new. Lust is a potent visitor.

DH and I have talked about swinging but never dallied and tbh, the conversation is above the surface and we both know deep down, it's not something we'd ever seriously do. Plus we're getting old

I do feel guilty about the drunken snog but only slightly

[Northumberlandia]

I am very ashamed of my confession although I know I shouldn't be. I am desperately, desperately lonely. I have been a single parent for nine years and have always felt that the right thing to do is put my children first. It is very difficult being on your own. I am very sympathetic to those of you who also feel this way. Even just typing this is making me cry. Loneliness is awful, awful, awful. I have friends but I'm too ashamed to tell them about this. I think what I'm missing is a partner.