Change yr name, make a confession!

[iamsomeoneelse]

A thread to get something deep and dark off your chest -- anonymously!

If you don't know how to change your name, go to the 'My Mumsnet' tab and go into the 'My Account' section, there you can enter any name you like. Then, just enter your usual password and click 'Save Changes' et voila! Instant new identity!

I'll get the ball rolling:

I really feel that there are some deep cracks forming in my marriage, and I have a horrible feeling that divorce may be on the horizon after 10+ years of marriage. Part of me is terrified by the effect this might have on my two DDs, but another part of me is quietly excited at the prospect of a new and different kind of relationship.

Zalen, and the others. [Flowers]

It seems a common theme. I love my husband. I don't want to grow old with anyone else. But I miss sex.

We are cuddly and a great team. So it doesn't seem worth breaking a family up for sex.

In 14 years I haven't cheated, although I've come close. But how much longer will I be able to be strong

I tell everyone I met my partner in a bar. Actually we met on one of those phone sex chatlines they used to have years ago. We are blissfully happy together and planning to get married and have a baby. We just also happen to have some rather 'alternative' sexual preferences, which is what led us both to the chatline in the first place

NC here too.

I have been with my bf for 18 months. He's great.

But I hold deep hatred for his ex-wife. She cheated on him, took drugs around the children, publicly berates him, tells their children that he doesn't love them......and texts him almost daily slagging me off - saying I am ugly, tacky, hard work, thick. ANYTHING she can think of - but generally on my appearance.

He ignores her texts, saying it just fuels her. But I want to pick her up on it. It is just not acceptable behaviour. In any way. And she is fucking up her kids with all her hating. Big time.

I have never encountered such a nasty person in all my life ( and I work in what would be classically seen a 'difficult' environment) and she makes me get awful thoughts in my head. I couldn't generally care less about someone's appearance but she makes me think bad things. She is, what you call, a bit plastic'ed up - boobs, lips, the 'too much botox' eye droop - the lot, she also doesn't work and he pays for everything despite divorce (still moans about money everyday to him too demanding designer gear). And so is easy pickings for me but I would never normally even make judgements but her constant attacks on me give me a rage I never thought possible.

Anyway, I just hate her and I hate hating.

I have fantastic sex with my husband because (or rather when) I dream of a dad at DC's nursery. It's like an instant switch and I thought I was gay because I was so disinterested in sex. It's just so sad that I will never have sex where I don't have to work so hard on turning myself on. DH is a good father, he says he loves me but there is a very sporadic connection, emotional or otherwise. I actually think he has Asperger's.

You don't consent either Zalen. Is this how you picture the rest of your life? Please leave.

Some really, really sad stories here. So many sad women trapped in unhappy relationships.

I hope that one day you get your peace, freedom, happiness, joy contentment .

Often as women we get to lead such little lives anyway but if youre not happy with your life/ lot then those little lives shrink even further.

I have had no intimacy or sex for 8 years. I live with it for my child's sake. We manage to rub along most of the time and I don't want to stray in reality but just would like to feel like an attractive woman again. My confidence is in pieces. I had a job I loved but was ill and had to stop working, I cannot find the confidence to start work again which I know would help.

A dear friend who was lovely to me died recently and then his daughter (who I had never met until the funeral) told me that her father had all these feelings for me that I don't think she knew I didn't know anything about. I just thought he was really kind to me. The only man who ever paid me compliments and made me feel good died without telling me anything as he respected my feelings on marriage.

Don't know what I want from writing all that down really?

stuckinanightmare Wed 12-Nov-14 17:29:35
My H had an EA 3 months ago. I want to leave him but he has said he will kill himself if I do. I know he will follow through with this, it is not an idle threat. I am stuck feeling second best for the rest of my life.

Actually you are not stuck. If he does follow through, then it will be his fault, his responsibility, not yours.

And making suicide threats to stop partners leaving is extremely common. If you would be better off leaving, then you should do that.

Double checking name change....

Wow, Hungryish.... I could have written aspects of your post. My DH's ex-wife has also done her utmost to disrupt our lives and has also launched some very personal attacks on me. I have no idea why.

But, and here's my confession - I know things about her from reliable sources (can't say what but we're not talking gossip or anything unethical) that would damage her relationship and cause her huge embarrassment.

So far, I've maintained a dignified silence as I discovered these things by chance and don't want to sink to her level, beside they're not really my business. I also don't want to be vengeful. I do know that if the situation were reversed she'd have taken great pleasure in using the information against me though.

But...I've reached the end of my patience and good will and have decided that next time she subjects me to any of her bile and nastiness that I'm not holding back anymore. I don't know whether I'll mention what I know and I won't be aggressive but she's bullied me for the last time.

She doesn't know it, but the ball is in her court....

Test

Ok. Here goes.

I am a sex addict. I have only once said no to sex in my life. I have cheated on Dh. I am currently having therapy - sex is my coping mechanism for blocking out difficult emotions.

Everyone thinks dh and i are the perfect couple and the truth is our marriage is on the rocks and i think about my ex-fuck buddy when we have sex because he was better.

Interrrrrresting NewNameJustTheSame

It is so hard not to stoop to their shitty level when being personally attacked constantly.

I imagine just having that grenade is rather satisfying. I bet you never use it though.....it might just be more interesting to let her know you know .....when the time is right taps nose

I'm so saddened people can be so vile. I notice it's often the ones who behaved badly in the marriage who just continue with their shittiness ad infinitum, probs once a shit always a shit and simple as that.

zalen having sex you don't want makes you feel non-human, worthless. you know that. but those feelings make you think you don't deserve to leave and don't deserve your physical integrity.

you do. you deserve to be safe. you deserve not to be raped at the whim of your husband.

please leave him.

The passion and spark have gone from my marriage. DW and I have had no sex or for 5 years now. I still love her. When I try to talk to her about it she either maintains that I'm being ridiculous or else gets defensive/aggressive. No constructive conversation and nothing changes.

She's had some tough times and I've tried to be patient. This must be at least partially my fault but I dont know what the issues are. I try my best to be a good husband and father. Nothing works. Maybe I'm just a doormat. Years of rejection have messed with my head and I can't talk to anyone about for perspective.

Until this year I'd always assumed it would be best for us to muddle through for the children for the foreseeable. But enoughs enough. I've made it clear that this is a deal breaker and things have to change. I thought I'd got through to her but apparantly not.

I'm runnig out of options if she won't engage. Don't want to hurt the children by splitting but don't want things to deteriorate or for them to think this is normal. I feel utterly miserable and loathsome and I don't want to waste the rest of my life.

Thank you so much for hug and reply antimatter
It means a lot to me to get that all out, no one in rl knows any of the abuse stuff, its the first time I have ever put it out in public.

I've been doing the classic head bury with the debts but it's too big now to hide. I will try and get help.

Havent read whole thread yet but i will. My DH hasnt touched me for 18 years. I had an affair between 2003 and 2008. i ended things with that man because he showed signs of abuse.. In 2006 DH had a heart attack and was diagnosed with ischemic heart disease.

Last month i slept with a lovely bloke and we have texted each other a lot. He lives 200 miles away from me. He drove all the way down here just to spend one night with me. He wanted to come and see me again. I got cold feet last night and said no but i CANT stop thinking about him.
I have come to the realisation that i have never had a long term grown up adult relationship. DH is 23 years older than me and it feels more like a father daughter relationship. Ive never had a very long term sexual relationship. Maybe i am frightened of the very thing that i want because its something i have never really known. Im frightened that this bloke was my last chance and that ive blown it. Im scared of never seeing him again and im scared of seeing him again. Ive spent today shaky and crying but DH hasnt asked me whats wrong.

Last week DH was diagnosed with emphesema. (COPD) Ive been with him since i was 19. Im now 41. I come from an emotionally abusive family. When i had the affair which started in 2003 my mum called me a whore. Lately a lot of these memories have come flooding back and im just not coping. I just want to disappear.

OK. This is REALLY bad.

(FWIW it does make me think, if I've done this, what the fu.ck to men do really?)

A long time ago I was secretly "seeing" two boys I worked with. The second one I liked one a shed load more than the other. The one I liked more had a gf he was always "broken up/just about to break up" with. But really he had a gf.

One day I was in the office of the first one and I gave him a blow job and I swallowed.

Not wanting to get caught not working, I pounded back straight down to my floor and the second one was all over me. He wanted to kiss me. I did.

Summary: Man 1 came in my mouth. I almost immediately went downstairs and french kissed Man 2. Nice huh?

I always justified it to myself by thinking one time I had given the second one a blowjob, I kinda thought that he had had sex with this gf and not washed. I'm not sure this was true and was probably me trying to excuse my appalling behaviour.

Like I said, its a rilly bad confesion.

Theres also the fact that COPD is unpredictable so i cant have the bloke coming from 200 miles away and booking a hotel room again with all the costs associated with it and then i cant come out because DH is too ill. DH hasnt attempted to hold my hand for many years but i still couldnt leave someone on their own if he was having trouble breathing.

Havetosay im so sorry you are going through it. I asked my h to go to counselling in 2003 and on a couple of other intermittent occasions. He didnt want to.

I used to work in massage parlours.

'What the fuck do men do'....? Just the same kind of stuff as women do. This is confirmed after reading some of the stuff on this thread.

test

I am not a sex addict but I do love having sex with new men. I have no sexual morals and feel no guilt about having sex with other women's partners or husbands because I do not believe that sexual infidelity is wrong. I have had sex with thousands of men and 99.9% of it has been enjoyable. For a few years I was a highly paid escort and truly enjoyed my work. I realise my brain may be wired differently to most of society. I have no doubt some here will think it is just the type of men I mix with or the signals I give out attracts men prone to infidelity, but I mix with people from all sections of society and I have fucked everyone from ordinary man on the street/decorators/plumbers/accountants to pop stars to people in senior economic, business and governmental positions. Sometimes I meet a man and think he is a good man who would never cheat on his wife or partner but we still end up fucking. I am not some gorgeous woman that men cannot resist. You would walk past me in the street and not think me ugly, but you would not be stunned by my beauty either.

What this means is I have come to realise how easily men are led by their dicks. I have come to the conclusion that the only thing that stops a man from cheating is lack of opportunity, being unattractive or fear of being caught. One of my lovers told me that amongst his peer group many male colleagues have told each other over drinks that the only thing that stops them fucking other women is not knowing who they can trust to not run to the media or turn into a clingy stalker. When someone on the forum says that they 100% believe their husband would not cheat, I see naivety and blindness to human behaviour.

I believe that fidelity is, for many people, an artificial social more which causes more hurt than an acceptance of human sexual behaviour.