Change yr name, make a confession!

[iamsomeoneelse]

A thread to get something deep and dark off your chest -- anonymously!

If you don't know how to change your name, go to the 'My Mumsnet' tab and go into the 'My Account' section, there you can enter any name you like. Then, just enter your usual password and click 'Save Changes' et voila! Instant new identity!

I'll get the ball rolling:

I really feel that there are some deep cracks forming in my marriage, and I have a horrible feeling that divorce may be on the horizon after 10+ years of marriage. Part of me is terrified by the effect this might have on my two DDs, but another part of me is quietly excited at the prospect of a new and different kind of relationship.

Another name changer here...
biding my time to leave H. Waiting for DS to do GCSEs then I want out. Felt like this for last 3 years since I found texts he had sent to another woman. Have tried to forgive and forget as H is a good man in so many ways but can be moody, controlling, boring, opinionated and so tight with money. I feel stifled and repressed. Tonight he is out with friends for first time in over 2 years so I took DS out for a meal and imagined I was a single mum. It was fantastic! We came home and listened to music and chatted and laughed. If DH had been home we would have watched TV and hardly spoken. I want my son to know life is fun and there is so much to enjoy.
I imagine having the conversation and telling H it's over. I will wait until DS had done his exams because once I open my mouth to tell H I won't be able to stop the words from pouring out and he will be devastated. He has no idea and I am walking a fine line just acting 'normally'. It must be working as he never questions if I am ok. I think he is so wrapped up in his own world he doesn't seem to notice that I am unhappy.
I am not afraid to live on my own and my favourite past time is browsing houses in the area I want to live in where my family are (about 200 miles away). I hope once my DS finishes his A 'levels he can go to Uni in that area so he can have a base there. I can't wait to be a mad cat lady living on my own

Nightoff to you.

I dont really like myself that much at the moment. The past few months have turned me into Compulsive Phone Checker Woman. That is NOT who i am and it has got to stop.

Why do you check your phone Darkest? Is the the OM?

I read it as she is checking her OH's phone.

Sometimes I think I'm only with my partner because I'm desperate for kids and he'll be a good dad.

Also...I'm a grown woman who picks Her nose and eats on a regular basis!

I have two confessions, one nice and one not, and both a bit silly:

1- I realised the other day I love my baby son. That he's gorgeous and perfect and I'd do anything for him. My life has been transformed. I can't tell anyone in RL though as as far as they're aware that has been the case for the last six months since he was born. I sobbed all the way home in the car from the hospital, and DP thought it was because it had been such a hard birth and week afterwards and I was relieved to be going home - actually it was because we had to take DS with us .

2- I'm a mature medical student, turned my entire life upside down to go back to uni, chucked in a good career and have accrued loads of debt to become a doctor, but since DS's birth I have utterly lost faith in the NHS, AND become majorly squeamish. I was looking through some notes with pictures the other day and ended up vomiting. I have no idea what to do, I'm supposed to be starting again in the spring from maternity leave and can't bear the thought of being in hospitals and dealing with people's bodies, but equally can't bear the idea of the last three years and around £30000 down the drain.

I've been wearing the same pair of knickers since Monday

I have a crush on (an slightly in love with) one of my closest friends, who's married and male. I've known him about years and never had any feelings for him until this summer. I'm single but know I can never ever ever ever say /show anything, or talk about this in RL to anyone. I'm pretty sure it's not mutual and even if he was single I'm not his type.

There got it off my chest.

wow - this is amazing. Some of these posts have made me laugh, many have made me cry but I take my hat off to you all for posting. I sincerely hoped it has helped. Compared with most of the stuff I see on MN, this thread has been the most honest and real one I've seen. Well done to you all. Maybe I should name change as well...

Glad you liked it! I wasn't sure if people would be willing to post, but looks like they are!

Sometimes, it is good just to be able to offload. Hopefully some of us will be able, one day, to come back and say things have changed and they are happy. :)

I hope so too! x

Ok here is mine:

DH has and EA a few years ago, we worked hard and got it sorted. happy now with our relationship? I think but I do live with flashes of insecurity - I know some people would never have been 'soft' to forgive and it would have been a deal breaker...so sometimes I feel mixed about it. But day to day I'm happy.

However we hardly ever have sex but again like for some this is a deal breaker but for us it's just like well we lazy we need to make an effort but as we don same page it's not an issue. I know for some this would be a huge issue.

I got quite obsessive over a Wendy situation at school gates. I eventually sorted it out but harboured hatred and resentment, yes actual hate towards this one women. I checked her out online and everything to see if my 'gut' was right and it was. I'm quite a sensitive person and pick up on stuff. Someone else had noticed too so. This really knocked my confidence and it's made me adjust my view of myself and other in friendship contexts.

Im beginning to dislike my friends DH - he is always have a passive dig, or loading comments trying to pick at chinks in 'armour' as he is always comparing material stuff and gets all alpha male competitive.

Testing

Another similar confession, married 18 years 3dc.

Hitting my 40's my libido increased, my husbands on the other hand has decreased. He has erectile dysfunction and it's been so long since we had full sex I couldn't say when it was, years.

I have had the most enormous crush on someone half my age for the last 3 years, I fantasise about him regularly. It's not reciprocated I think but some days it's almost painful to think about what if? I miss the physical contact so much and can't imagine the rest of my life without it. If only I could experience a one off moment to tell me just what I really want.

Love my dh dearly so it looks like some lonely years ahead.

When I am tired I can get angry at little things and I shout at my children. I even smacked both my DDs more than one time. I am really-really ashamed of this. I told my husband the first time but did not dare to tell him when it happened again. I apologised to my daughter and explained that a parent should never hit their children and my mother never ever hit me and I will try my best not to hit her again. And I did! How do I stop? Please help. This is the most awful horrible secret :(

LandRover, I think you should get yourself to a GP asap. You are damaging your children's memory of you. You don't want that, they will cut you off when they get away from you if you continue in this way.
Harsh, but completely true.

I have to totally disagree that damaging and future cutting off is necessarily true at all. I was smacked and yelled at many, many times by my mother, and yet I never took it as anything more sinister than deserved discipline. Probably helped that she was a very loving and nurturing mother all around and I had no doubt that she did love me and had my best interests at heart.

My father on the other hand used very harsh corporal punishment (instruments etc), and coupled them with absolutely no demonstrations of love ever. Him, I have no contact with. But my mother? A wonderful and blossoming relationship, especially as I now have children myself.

Having said that, it sounds as though you are distressed by your actions LandRover, and if you feel you are losing self-control then of course its probably wise to see your GP and have a chat. I hope things get better for you.

1. I am too generous, and give a lot of money away to people who need it without really thinking. And I don't really care, but OH does.

1. OH has had two affairs, one started when I was in hospital with a life threatening illness.

1. I am oversexed and masturbate 2-3 times a day. .

I have been with my partner for 4 years. I can count on one hand the number of times we have had sex in the past 18 months. I am not attracted to him any more and I desperately want him to leave my house.

Since starting my new job in June, I have kissed my soon to be married manager at a party and my colleague on a night out. Both felt amazing and there are/were feelings towards both of them.

It would absolutely destroy my DP if he found out. But what else can you do in a love less relationship when one simply refuses to accept the relationship is over? I'm only plodding on because to move out would be a logistically nightmare and I dread going back to my parents!

:(

I have been seeing a friend of mine for over a year, he's married. My friend is a neighbour of his and thinks he's a really nice guy. My friend doesn't know that I am seeing him, but she knows I know him. She knows that I am seeing someone but I have lied and said he is single as I am too ashamed to admit the truth. I have told my friend that it is just a fun thing with this man so she doesn't expect to meet him, she obviously doesn't know that she has already met him.

I feel awful about the affair and I feel bad lying to my friend. I have lied about where he lives, his circumstances and even his name and age to my friend so she doesn't guess it is him. My friend mentions him as her neighbour sometimes and I try to act normal. I worry that one day after a glass of wine too many that I will blurt out the truth to her, she will inevitably gossip about it to her neighbours and then the shit will hit the fan.

I thought I was a decent person, but I don't feel that I can be now.

Snowgoose, you need to work on your self esteem.

Thought I'd give this thread a bump -- cos I like it.

I've started smoking again, first tobacco and now experimenting with other herbs, legal highs (synthetic cannabinoids) have come a long way since I last tried them.

It's all escapism and takes the low times away. It's also a good reason to get out of the house after the kids have gone to bed to keep away from DW until I can fall unconscious in bed.

Just a sticking plaster though.

Sorry it's not as juicy as some of the other confessions. Kind of cathartic though.

OK, my confession.

I am terribly, achingly lonely.

I have had no decent, close friends since school. There are people I go out for a drink with, but no-one who really knows me or to whom I could go in tough times. I don't think they'd bother with me if it wasn't for DH. My family are remote and unsupportive. DH is wonderful but he is quite literally all I have in the world.

Part of the problem is that I don't pursue friendships because people so often cancel on me and I feel very rejected. I never throw parties because I think no-one would come.

I am 37 and depressed and there are some days when I think about ending it all. I am getting help from my GP and a counsellor.

You would never guess any of this if you saw me.