Mother in keeps replacing everything I buy with something she buys - any ideas?

[flux500]

mil is very nice to my face.
She does kind things.
She was on the face of it happy when me and bf moved in together but since then some strange things have happened and its developing into a pattern:
She has replaced all the cutlery with new stuff she bought. It was nice, I let it go and donated the the other stuff that I had bought to charity.
She keeps replacing the laundry powder with one she buys and the same with the fabric softener.
Last weekend she bought new bedding and without asking and put it on our bed!
Am I being ungrateful or am I right to be irked by this?

Can you do the same in her house? Could be fun

Have you moved into your DPs house, is she used to doing this for him and that's why she doesn't see how intrusive it is?

Love the idea of buying new bedding for her!!! 'I just wanted to repay the favour'. If she dares to say she doesn't like it swap it for the stuff she bought you and keep what you bought her. Then tell her not to buy things for you again.

I think you should speak to her about this now in a pleasant but firm manner. She is being disrespectful by her actions and it is better to provoke a conflict in an assertive way or she will only continue. She gets power in this situation by you being unwilling to cause a conflict or if you were to lose your temper and over react. If you show her you are not afraid to stand up for yourself she may not like it and be offended, but she is only showing her wolf colours. It's better to know what she is really like. Don't play her game continue to act reasonable and don't get sucked into an argument. Just stick to your position and don't back down. Alternatively she may apologise and act a bit better in future. Your DP might not like you standing up to her but you need to show him you won't be disrespected too. If he doesn't accept that do you really want to be with him?

I am finding the tit-for-tat approach wildly appealing, even though the grown up thing to do is to have the difficult conversation. So.... Take round coloured loo rolls (mismatched obvs), alternative handwash etc. Or do you think she's too obtuse to get the message?

I must admit the other idea is funnier!

The bedding problem is easy to solve, tell your DH that you can't possibly have sex with him in this bed because it smells of His mother! Then leave it to him to sort out.

You are all missing the point. OP's bf needs to sort this. He either allows his mother to disrespect his partner, or he doesn't. He is the one who needs to sort this, or the battle for power will just continue. Believe me. I've lived this!

Thanks for all the replies :)

I love the sex toys idea and turning the bedroom into a sex dungeon

She does often say oh there was 3 for 2 of the washing powder so got you some too and she makes it all sound so reasonable you know?

We do have one ds and thankfully he's at nursery so she doesn't have that much time to make an impression on him but yes she's had him in different new clothes sometimes and again bf has given me the "what's the big deal" look.

I am definitely going to get some coloured toilet rolls and give her some saying they were on offer, that really is genius!

Oh an extra things once I came home and she had put tie backs up at each window and had bought tie backs and bloody well put them up!

I did take them down and she asked my bf what was wrong with me. Maybe that's where it all started to go pear shaped because I did not like the tie backs?! That was the one occasion he actually said we don't like them to his mum and there has been no tie back situation since.

I am definitely going to get some coloured toilet rolls and give her some saying they were on offer, that really is genius!

For full effect, you have to take them up to the bathroom and install them without permission.

Tell him his mother is pissing all over your flat to mark her territory, including the bedroom. Ask him if there's something you should know. I would also mention it must be nice for him thinking about his caring mummy when having sex with you on her bedding.

You are a better woman than me, OP

I'd buy her a big throw for her sofa with a tiger on it.

And change all of her shampoo and deodorants.

Sow your dp this thread, it might make him see the future problems that he is storing up if he doesn't stop this nonsense now

Dustbunny that is a good point you're right that really is the only way.

Stiffstink the tiger throw honestly pmsl one of those fleecy ones! Imagine if I bought her one of those fleece jackets with puppies on and see if she wears it.

And yy to the sex thing. My friend at work said to throw the covers off in the middle of the night and start shouting 'mil get out of our bed! Get out!' And see what responds I get from bf in the morning

Ps bf lets get him most of his clothes still. I'm actually wondering who's being the child and its him.

Strip the bed while she is there
Tell him these sheets never go back on the bed
It is your bed and you two will pick the bedding not his mother

Do this every time she replaces something

My goodness mypoo. What the hell???

Did she ever get to see him again?

I think you just need to hand the stuff back & say "no thanks".

Why does you bfriend think it's ok that you both have things in your flat that she wants you to have?

has he just moved out so is used to her buying stuff & thinks that it's useful??!!

I mean on the off chance that my mum ever bought sheet for husband and I-say she'd seen them & thought that we might like them, they'd be handed over and I'd use them if I ever wanted to!

"Ps bf lets get him most of his clothes still."

Oh dear lord!

Why?

Can't he be bothered?
does he pay her for them?

I suppose if he wants to let her that's up him, but she needs to know that that's it!

Oh dear. I think we're awarning you too late! Your husband sounds like a lost cause and you're in deep

I would definitely try the reciprocation technique and see if she gets the message. You must of course be deeply hurt if your gift is refused or changed the next time you come, bottom lip out etc. And I would also get your dad to mess with something precious and personal to your husband and see if he feels quite the same afterward. E.g. Removing / reorganising whatever his man obsession is, car/phone/hornby train collection. You can't really control his mother, but you sure as hell can make it clear to your boyfriend that everything that so reasonably passes through the door is going in his car for him to drive and take back to her unless he wants to sleep at his mum's house that night. Over harsh maybe but he'll get the message quicker.

You sound so patient!

This thread reminds me of a gripping but strangely believable book I read about a bonkers MIL situation: The Little House by Phillipa Gregory.

Stand your ground OP and defend your territory.

Meerka I made my Ex H tell her it wasn't on, but she was sniffy about it for weeks, it was all " I did it with all mine and it didn't do them any harm" So glad she wanted nothing to do with me when I split with him :)

phew, yes, one MIL it'd be a delight to see the back of!

Tell her to fuck the fuck off and when she's done with fucking off, to fuck off just that bit further.

That sort of controlling behaviour needs nipping in the bud. If she can't leave well alone, then don't have her at your house.

And who cares if she was there. I know she was there, at the time, but there's no firmer message than putting the bedding that you want back on the bed that you will be sleeping in, in your home.