Mother in keeps replacing everything I buy with something she buys - any ideas?

[flux500]

mil is very nice to my face.
She does kind things.
She was on the face of it happy when me and bf moved in together but since then some strange things have happened and its developing into a pattern:
She has replaced all the cutlery with new stuff she bought. It was nice, I let it go and donated the the other stuff that I had bought to charity.
She keeps replacing the laundry powder with one she buys and the same with the fabric softener.
Last weekend she bought new bedding and without asking and put it on our bed!
Am I being ungrateful or am I right to be irked by this?

If you don't nip this in the bud this will get worse. If she were a cat or dog she would be pissing all over your home. She's marking her territory and you have a chance now to set the boundaries, it will only get more awkward the longer this is left to continue. Take her keys off her.

I might be wrong but actually I think this would be better coming from you, it gives a clear sign that you know what she's up to and she needs to stop. No need to be rude, just firm.

What does your bf think of all this?

Alternatively, I quite like the suggestion that you do nothing and provide mnetters with updates for a bit of comic relief. I get this in RL from a friend in a very similar situation to you, but of course as time has gone on it has become less funny and more sinister. Be warned!

Flux.

You need to change it back. You need to stip this in its tracks or it will go on forever. Trust me. Take your home back now. It is not her home and that must be made very very clear. It will not stop otherwise.

What bloodyteenagers stated. Hand it all back to her and tell her it is not needed.

If he cannot or will not stand up for himself now, he will likely never be able to. his could very well end up with you and he separating also due to his own lack of backbone when it comes to his mother. If your man is yet another brainwashed man reduced to a state of spinelessness by an overbearing mother, then you need to cut your losses now.

change the bedding, put it in a see through carrier in a very visible place, mark it charity shop. Washing powder, conditioner in another see through carrier, marked food bank. Don't worry about hurting her feelings, she has no problem trampling over yours.

Agree with pp who said she is pissing all over, marking her territory.

Actually, ProveMeWrong I understand the possible rationale behind the washing powder/softener: its what she's always used and BF likes the smell (or she thinks he will).

But that doesn't make it right. She's weird and boundary-deficient.

There was a thread once where someone's mum did this and they got hold of the forms you need to emigrate to Australia and hid them for her to find...

I remember that thread.
Second the sex toys though. Also, get a mail order sex toy catalogue and circle the most random and obscure items.

...or start changing stuff in her house? Sneak up to her bedroom and change her bedding and in her kitchen her brand of coffee, get in some value cornflakes or something she wouldn't use and replace. Give her a taste of her own medicine and make out you are being so kind and isn't that how you show it in this family? [innocent emoticon]

...and obviously you need a key to theirs...

Put a stop to this now, op. People like this have no bounderies and relish sticking their nose into everything, as others have said give her back all the stuff and tell her you are grown ups and capable of looking after yourselves.
(I feel your pain, my mum is just like this. The last time she babysat she put my dd in the bath and took a black bag into my office - I work from home- and proceeded to throw out everything she thought was rubbish. Needless to say I went ballistic and she has never been left alone in our house since. Unbelievably people like this think they are 'helping', rather than interfering snoops who have no regard for others privacy.

I had years of a very odd MIL. Experience tells me she will respond by saying that she had some extra cutlery you could use, she was in the supermarket and bought double washing powder, some for you etc and she bought you the bedding as a gift and generously made up the bed for you thinking you would be pleased/grateful.

Weirdness will continue. For example, MIL told me she would buy me a hoover as a wedding present, then insisted she had never said that and I was being greedy (she forgot my DH was there when she said it though). Bought me sweets with nuts in which she knew I hated, insisted I ate them and spit out the said nuts. I returned some towels, washed them, she invited me round so I could see them on the line rewashed in the "correct" powder. What is it about washing powder?

We ended up having the mother of all fall outs and I have not seen her for years. She copes with this by being horrid to my children (fortunately now grown up) instead. They find her tiresome, unkind and a player.

Put your foot down now or your resentment will grow and it will come between you and your partner.

He is there he lets her in

Driving home now!

Bedding would creep me out. Agree with handing it back to her.
Otherwise I'd advise nipping it in the bud if you can bear it. (My MIL duplicates toys for the dc. I swap them at the shop/ get a refund / gift-card if I can. Pass on if I can't. Whatever it is doesn't last long here - no space.) It's such a waste.

Why does he let her in? Does he know how intrusive & creepy you find this?

Imagine a few years down the line.

You have your first DC.

She completely ignores you, takes DC out of what they are wearing and puts them in what she has brought.

She ignores your feeding/sleeping what ever routine.

She weans your DC when you have decided not to until X for reasons.

She buys stuff for your DC and gets rid of yours.

This carries on and on.

You buy a house.

She moves your stuff around.

Redecorates when you are away (don't laugh there are threads on here!).

You get married.

She decides she wants x, y & z for her son's wedding. You don't get a say. Even though you are paying for it.

Imagine this for the next 10/15/20 years.

YOUR DP IS LETTING THIS HAPPEN

When will he stand up for you and stop it?

Will he ever?

You need to nip this in the bud now. Or take a long hard look at how your life will be.

He thinks she's doing nice stuff and I'm being childish.

You have a major problem with him. he doesn't see the problem.

Can't better what teenagers said ... Get him on board and back you, if he is unwilling, hand him back, and let them both know he is broken. THe strings need cutting.

Seriously. Seriously.

Have experience of this, and most likely she thinks she is being helpful. I suspect that she has done everything for him and sees no reason to stop now. Make it very clear that he does not need looking after. My PIL were heavily involved in DP house, from selecting bedding/curtains, etc. They even bought (and still do) DP clothes, which I find very odd. FIL offered to order me the bargain shoes they have in Debenhams, I politely declined! Keep saying no and sending it back. They will get the message. Good luck!

All of the stuff needs to be given back to her . If you keep them you are accepting the kind 'gifts' she gave you and are obviously up for more of the same.

You are allowed to have your own opinions and preferences. She is not allowed to dictate to you.

If you struggle with appearing rude (which you shouldnt as she is the rude one here) what about pretending that you find the things she does are quaint or old fashioned. You know ," bless your little old lady soul, you think you are being kind but really all of this is so last year.I think my Nana likes this pattern." -unspoken of course but nonetheless very obvious from your head tilt and amused expression as you hand the things back.

Im assuming she is roughly my age and this would have me backing away from the mad girlfriend as Im certainly not anywhere near being a little old lady.

My MIL was overly interfering when me and DH first got together.

I had a gentle word and explained how important it was to me to play house and my DH and I to make our choices together. It did the trick.

My MIL has repainted while I was at work! Admittedly, it's nice, and an improvement, but FFS.
She means well but I'm dreading her reaction to grandchildren.

Yep, nip it in the bud ASAP! My ex MIL used to come round for DHs shirts, she wanted to take them to her house to iron, I let things slide and she was a nightmare when DS came along, kept bitching at me to stop bf so she could take him out for the day, caved at about 3 months ( he was very prem) with some EBM for her, she came back and proudly told me she had fed him half a bag of chocolate buttons

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