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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

It's my wedding night. I'm all alone.

479 replies

IsThisReallyHappening · 04/11/2014 21:03

Today I got married.

This afternoon we arrived at our hotel to stay the night.

On arrival I checked my facebook to see some congratulation messages.

One message was not quite what I was expecting.

My 'husband' cheated on me 8 weeks ago.

I'm now sat here alone. On my wedding night. My 'husband' is gone.

I'm pregnant too.

I already have a child with him.

What the actual fuck has just happened to my life?

I feel trapped.

OP posts:
pnutter · 04/11/2014 22:16

I'm crying thinking of you..I'm so sorry
it probably won't help but I got married 2 months ago and on the wedding night he hit me for crying and I was very close to throwing myself our the window
upshot is: relationship with bastard.
Please please just think of yourself xx

TaraKnowles · 04/11/2014 22:18

If you want to stay in the hotel, then stay. Otherwise get a taxi to dd and hunker down.
Nobody will think worse of you. Everybody will hate him for leaving you pregnant on your wedding day.

FunkyBoldRibena · 04/11/2014 22:18

No love - he is a cunt.

An absolute cunt.

Any friends that you can call to rant at?

snapple · 04/11/2014 22:20

Pnutter are you safe now.

Op so sorry for you. Great advice on hear.

Everyone is rooting for you and you Dc and soon to be Dc

Smilesandpiles · 04/11/2014 22:21

It's your birthday too! Bloody hell.

Ear Yes, it does come from my own experience BUT, now I've never been happier, more driven, stronger or determined in my life. It's been the making of me. And the kids too..they've changed and are stronger for it as well...

OP, this feels like the end of the world for you. It is. It is the end and I can't even begin to imagine the betrayal you are feeling but it does ease off. That punched in the stomach feeling will go in a few days, that I can promise you. The jelly feeling in your limbs goes but you are mentally drained and this is a difficult thing to push though, but you will push through it.

I'll tell you now, the first year is shit. This is where you have all the landmarks, the reminders and you will remember EVERYTHING. The second year is the one to look forward too. Now, because it's also your birthday, next year, you will have another reason to celebrate because, you'd have got through that first shitty year and from now on, it's all new with no nasty anniverasries to remember. Your birthday/wedding day, will now be the day you started your life over. It's sounds weird but I promise you, that's what it will feel like.

jazzyjenbo · 04/11/2014 22:23

OP, i think we may know each other?

If we do ... Please know that there are lots of ppl that are here to support you... If i'm barking up the wrong tree then please be kind to yourself, you could not of predicted this x x x

Psycobabble · 04/11/2014 22:24

What an absolute cunt ! And was it the ow who messaged you coz she's an absolute cunt an all !

I feel awful for you! Can you go for your dc and get away for a few days get some space ?

I don't know any of the legal side but if you can then get ye marriage annulled and have nothing more to do with the prick

God I'm so mad for you !

Big hugs x

Earsareconstantlyringing · 04/11/2014 22:24

Oh pnutter, you poor love. As Snapple asks, are you safe now? Has he hit you again? Can you get away from him?

OP, can you reach out to anyone in real life to come and help you? You say this is a big birthday, so I'm assuming 30 or 40. Take today for what it is - the worst day you could have imagined. Now focus on the fact that noone will ever make you feel like this again. You sound an amazing mum and a successful, strong woman. You will absolutely rise above this and be spectacular.

Smilesandpiles · 04/11/2014 22:25

The first Birthday after he left was a landmark birthday for me too, but although it was shit (although not to your scale) it's noe my reminder that it's been exactly x number of years since THAT happened and since THAT, I've done, this, this and this and this and this and this and this....you will learn to look at your birthday in a different light.

VintageCherry26 · 04/11/2014 22:25

Words can't describe how awful this situation is. I know it's insignificant but my thoughts are with you and my heart is breaking for you :( The annulment advice is good, it'll make the legal side of it as quick and painless as possible. But please reach out to a RL friends or family member for support tonight, nobody should go through something like this alone.

MarthasChin · 04/11/2014 22:27

For what it's worth - I knew someone who this happened to. She went on the honeymoon with her bridesmaid and kept her case packed and moved out and on.

He never had anyone's respect after that - she, however was very highly thought of.

He is a twat of the highest order.

Earsareconstantlyringing · 04/11/2014 22:30

Smiles, you're an inspiration.

Smilesandpiles · 04/11/2014 22:30

Actually Martha, you've reminded me. This happened to (who would have been) my Aunt. My uncle was having an affair, she found out the day of the wedding. Went on honeymoon with the bridesmade to The States.

I wonder if it's the same person?

Smilesandpiles · 04/11/2014 22:32

Nah, I'm not an inspiration. Just another one who's had some shit thrown her way and waded through it. Nothing no one else hasn't done before me.

pnutter · 04/11/2014 22:35

Ears..lovely post . Yes you will be spectacular OP. Just think of how strong and awesome you've been so far?

You've got all our hugs and you know you deserve a whole lot better. I'm so sorry though as I know what it's like to have the best day of your life (!) completely trashed.
How are you Op ?

Original poster
IsThisReallyHappening · 04/11/2014 22:36

I've ordered the pizza. I'm gritting my teeth, and I've washed off most of the mascara. Some of it was a bit stubborn! So I resemble a washed out panda with frizzy hair.

OP posts:
DillyDallyDaydreamer · 04/11/2014 22:38

What a day! Try and have a rest and start planning a new life for you and kids , you haven't done anything wrong hold your head high.

pnutter · 04/11/2014 22:38

You are doing great! Made me smile. I suffered it a while longer but wish I didn't. He is entirely at fault. End of.

You rock x

Smilesandpiles · 04/11/2014 22:38

Oi!

Don't knock the frizzy panda look, I rock the frizzy panda look. Best halloween costume ever. I can scare myself in the mirrror with that one, never mind small kids.

Still numb OP?

AMillionNameChangesLater · 04/11/2014 22:39
Thanks
Gobbolinothewitchscat · 04/11/2014 22:39

Great. Have the pizza and maybe a quick shower. Then try and get a little bit if sleep

Hopefully there might be some chamomile tea or similar in the room.

Keep mumsnetting if you can't sleep - there will always be people to keep you company

SunbathingCat · 04/11/2014 22:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnythingNotEverything · 04/11/2014 22:41

Bloody hell love. What a truly awful day. Tomorrow, things will start to get better.

You can do this. You deserve better. You're stronger than you think.

Don't protect him. Tell people what he did. There's no shame on you.

TheDietStartsTomorrow · 04/11/2014 22:41

Oh what a terrible situation to be in. It'll only get better OP. This is the worse you'll feel. Tomorrow will be better. Flowers

Chookford · 04/11/2014 22:41

op I can't put into words how sorry I am that you are having to deal with this... He really is an A1 cunt.. Sorry for the language but in this case it's warranted. You have beautiful children and another on the way they are the most important thing , you will get through this although right now it seems like the end of the world it isn't.. You will survive and move on with your life and he will regret this until the day he dies. im thinking of you Flowers